For this chapter, I'll be writing as Oriana.
I couldn't help but smiled when he said "it's the adrenaline rush and apologized."
As we kissed, I can see the way his body reacted to the way he embraced me.. cautious but yearned for what could happen next.
I looked Jackson in the eyes as he pulled away from our passionate kiss.. The more and more I look at this man.. I knew I love him so so much. I'm not sure why if you ask me.. why I waited this long when things could've happened long ago....
But the reality of it, was the fear I had inside. The fear of not being good enough, and the fear of being judge. Being judge, possibly by him or by society.. but again and again, after each time...Fear slipped away.. and all I saw was how much I wanted to be with this man. Maybe, being in love to the point where I want to give him my all isn't such a bad thing.. What can be so bad about wanting him and wanting to share a special connection with him..?
These thoughts ran in my head endlessly.. time after time.. I'm not stupid.. I know he's waiting on me.... since that day he told me.. "Baby, don't think too much. Just know, when a girl says "no," it's a no and so don't worry. I'm not going to force you. I understand. You're not ready and it's okay. Don't be sad or worry that I won't love you or will treat you differently because of this. I love you, for who you are, not for making love, your body etc. No. I love you, because you're you. You're silly, smart, beautiful, "odd", loving and everything. You're all I ever wanted... so don't worry. When a girl says "no," it's a no."
I've known..
I looked Jackson in the eyes..
Jackson:..."Are you ok? You're not saying anything.." Jackson quickly pulled me onto the bed to sit with him (for I was still leaning over him).
I sat on the bed but turned away from him.
Jackson: "Baby.. sorry.. If you're upset. Sorry. I shouldn't be expecting anything. It's just how my body reacts."
He leans his head on my shoulder....
Jackson: "Forgive me...."
Me: "Baby.. I need to talk to you about something important.. so you need to listen."
Jackson: "Okay...?"
Me: "I don't know how to say this.. So I'll just say it."
Jackson: "Okay...?"
Me:... So.. when a girl says no.. it's no..
Jackson was silent for a few seconds then started talking.
Jackson: "Yes, baby.. I'm sor-"
Before he could finish, I interrupted him.
Me: "So.. what if the girl says yes.....? Would that be ok?"
Jackson paused and turned me around to face him.
I smiled.
Jackson smiled.
Jackson: "What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you..? Can you say it again?"
I smiled and said, "I said, so what if the girl says yes... Wou-"
Before I could finish, Jackson leaned in for a kiss.. his tongue twirls with mine..
Jackson: "Well.. if a girl says yes.. it's yes.. but if you were to ask me now.... as the guy.. it'd be a no... hahhaa."
I softly pushed Jackson away, knowing it was a teased.
Jackson grabbed me back towards his chest and held me.
Jackson: "Nooo! I'm just kidding!!! I love you!"
I stuck my tongue out at him.
Jackson stuck his tongue out at me and then brushed a piece of my hair away from my cheek.
Jackson: "Baby, are you sure that this will be ok?"
I kissed Jackson on the lips.
Me: "Baby.. I want you."