Childhood sweetheart?! He knows a lot of things that I don't know, and a lot of things about me that even I don't know too well.
For the whole afternoon, Wu Quyang's words lingered in Moka's mind. What bothered Moka the most was Chen Ge's indifference. There were many uncertain factors in this feeling. Moka knew that it was a blessing to be with Chen Ge, even though his love was not even one tenth of him and he always been so cold to him. But when you like someone, even if it's humble, you can't suppress this feeling. If you like someone too much, you will be suffocated. The balance tilted sharply. Chen Ge's side was getting higher and higher, close to the sky, but his side kept sinking.
If its really what was Wu Quyang said, then he was Anna's replacement during this period of time? Mo Ka scratched his hair, feeling annoyed no matter how he thought about it. He kicked the elevator hard: "It's so slow!"
"What are you doing?"
Mo-ka don't know when Chen Ge has stood behind him. Mo Ka turned his head back in shock, then lowered his head: "Waiting for the elevator, what else can I do? Are you blind?" Because he was upset, his tone was a little aggressive.
"This is how you talk to your man?"
"So what attitude do you want from me? Do I have to be nice to you?"
"What's on your mind now?" Chen Ge noticed that something was wrong with Moka.
"It's nothing, I just suddenly feel unhappy with you, especially unhappy." Seeing such a calm Chen Ge, it's always like this. Every time, it's just me who's hot-headed, and he looks like it's none of his business. Mo Ka really wanted to go up and grab Chen Ge's hand, ask him about his relationship with Anna, and why he didn't refute Wu Quyang's words, but Mo Ka couldn't, because that would only make him look narrow-minded, and would only make Chen Ge hate him. He was a little angry with Chen Ge, but he was even more angry at himself. He also wanted to be Chen Ge's good lover, like him, not caring about anything, but he couldn't do it. He was just a mortal and selfish.
ChenGe walked out without even looking at Moka. Moka pressed the elevator door and yelled at Chen Ge: "No matter what I do, you won't care. What do you think of my love for you? How humble do you want me to be to satisfied?"
Moka's hand that was holding the elevator was bloodless because he had used too much force. He let go of his hand and said softly: "Chen Ge, even if I say break up, it doesn't matter to you, right?" The elevator door slowly closed, and Chen Ge's hand reached in. The elevator door pressed down Chen Ge's arm and then slowly opened.
Chen Ge's gloomy face was quite scary. He pinched Mo Ka's chin hard and said, "I don't know what you wanna say. I will pretend that I didn't hear what you have said just now. Mo Ka, I tell you one thing, if you want to break up with me, there is no way!"
Chen Ge released his hand and pushed Moka away, then turned around. Moka's body hit the elevator wall and watched the elevator door slowly close. After reaching the 19th floor, Moka walked out of the elevator and slid to the ground. What happened? Why did he suddenly say such words? Anna's appearance was like a fuse, which brought out the uneasiness that Moka had been suppressing in his heart. He was obviously angry with him, so how could it become like that?
Moka curled up and buried his face in his knees. Who can take away this heart-wrenching feeling?
On other side Chen Ge slammed the door, then fell weakly on the sofa, watching the curtains being lifted and lowered by the gentle night breeze. He felt an unbearable pain in his heart, and he clenched his fists and pounded them heavily on the sofa. Damn it, how he could say break word so easily. Moka you idiottt.
Early in the morning, Hao Shuai, wearing a chicken-steamed bun, saw Moka brushing his teeth and thought he saw a ghost: "What's wrong with you? You look so ugly."
Moka didn't answer. He spat out the white foam in his mouth, drank a sip of water, tilted his head back, gulped a few times in his mouth and spat it out again. After putting the cup and toothbrush away, he prepared to wash his face again.
"You had a fight with Chen Ge, right?" Hao Shuai has been with Mo Ka for so many years, he knows Mo Ka too well. Whenever Mo Ka encounters something sad, he will become depressed and unwilling to talk.
"No, he's too lazy to even argue with me." Moka put the hot towel on his face, but didn't intend to take it off.
"What happened?" Hao Shuai asked.
Moka took a long time to take off the towel. Because of the heat, his face was now a little red.
"Nothing. Well, I still have classes, so I'll go to school first."
"Moka, no matter how good the relationship is, some things still need to be understand through words. Chen Ge is still just a human, do you expect him to understand everything you think? If you don't expose your wounds, how can you expect him to help you to heal them? What are you afraid of?"
Moka paused, picked up the book and went out. Moka knew what Hao Shuai said better than anyone else. He also wanted to be able to communicate with him like a normal human, but he had been alone for too long, and he was used to the loneliness and taking all the pain. He was afraid that others would see him as fragile person and he would not be able to get relief, so he slowly festered. Since he was 15, Moka told himself to be strong, but a person can really be a strong all the time? Now he is like a dying paper tiger, which was broken by a slight poke from Chen Ge.
Chen Ge in the distance was still so dazzling, chatting calmly, with a gentle smile. Although Moka knew that this gentleness was not real, he still longed for it. Moka looked at Chen Ge downstairs from upstairs, and laughed at himself. As expected, he was the only fool. All his thoughts were taken away, and even thinking was a little difficult, while the other party was so relaxed. Even if he will be gone, it doesn't matter to him at all. The more he saw Chen Ge like this, the angrier Moka became.
The physical education class had just ended. Moka sat alone in the school's small garden, stretched his legs, and looked up at the blue sky. It turned out that the days without Chen Ge feels so empty.
Before he knew it, the bell rang. The next class was for Chen Ge and his friends. Moka stood up. He didn't even have the courage to see Chen Ge now, but he was still a step too late. Through the shade of the trees, he saw Su Rui and Chen Ge again. The two stood alone in a corner with few people. Su Rui blushed and said something. Moka didn't want to watch anymore. He had enough. No matter whether it was Anna or Su Rui, there were always so many people who liked him. He was just like this because of others' likes. His own liking were just a tiny part in front of others liking or obsession. He could give them up at any time. But he would have nothing without Chen Ge. This was the difference. The high and mighty Chen Ge was destined not to be someone like Moka could catch.
Chen Ge also saw Moka behind the shade of the tree, and left Su Rui and walked towards Moka. At this moment, Moka had nowhere to escape. Chen Ge's eyes were cold and angry, looking straight at Moka, as if he wanted to see through him. Moka's stubborn face revealed sadness and despair.
"Just now, Suri confessed to me."
"So what? Do you want me to congratulate you?"
"Really? Then I have to say thank you for encouraging her to confess to me."
Moka's thoughts flashed. As a boy, he just wanted to comfort Su Rui when he saw her so sad. Unexpectedly, she mistaken it as encouragement.
"You really want me to be with someone else, huh?" Chen Ge sneered, a little sarcastic.
"Yeah, it doesn't matter who you are with, I have figured it out and let it go a long time ago. I took it too serious before, and always used all my energy to please you, wanting you to love me more, but everything was in vain. I was worried every day. I am not worthy of you, and you are too far away for me. I don't want to like you so much anymore. I'm tired."
He said these cruel words deliberately, just to make himself more painful and punish himself. No matter how bad it sounded, it would not hurt Chen Ge. Rightt??
"That's enough, shut up." Chen Ge didn't want to listen anymore and waved his hand weakly: "Go away."
Moka looked at Chen Ge, turned around and ran away. Although his eyes were a little blurry, no tears formed. After the age of 15, Moka didn't dare to cry.
The beginning with Chen Ge was just a dream. The inexplicable beginning was destined to end inexplicably.
Because of each other's personalities, the love that has gradually become distorted is so painful. It really hurts.
..............
The next morning, Moka was stopped at the school gate by a familiar voice.
Mo Ka turned around and saw Li Shengfang. Although he had changed a lot, Mo Ka still recognized him at a glance. Li Shengfang was Mo Ka's junior high school classmate. At that time, they often smoked secretly and fought together.
"Li Shengfang bro? Why are you here?"
"A friend of mine who is studying at school came to visit me. I didn't expect to run into you. I thought I recognized the wrong person, but it turned out to be you. You've changed a lot. How are you doing? You haven't contacted us since you graduated from junior high school." Li Shengfang put his arm around Moka's shoulders without any hesitation.
"It's okay." Moka broke free from Li Shengfang's hand.
"When did you become so distant? Come on." Li Shengfang took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth, then handed one to Moka. Moka waved his hand and said, "I'm quit long ago."
Li Shengfang put the cigarette back into the cigarette box and said, "fine then...How about we go have a drink together?"
Moka hesitated. He really didn't feel like it right now. Besides, Chen Ge didn't like him drinking with others. It was ridiculous. Now that it had come to this, Moka was still thinking about Chen Ge. Moka now thinking about how to refuse. Li Shengfang put his arm around Moka's neck very affectionately:
"It's not easy for old classmates to meet. You can't refuse me."
"Chen, look at that kid, he's desperate, hugging and kissing at the school gate." Wu Quyang's voice made Mo Ka stiffen for a moment, his eyes fell on sinister Wu and next to him one n only ChenGe, he stared back at Mo Ka expressionlessly, then looked at Li Shengfang next to him. Without saying anything, he walked past Mo Ka and left.
Moka looked at the direction where Chen Ge left with a pale face. He just left like that. How could he?? if ChenGe look little jealous or mad, it would be a comfort to Moka, but he just left like that. Could it be that our love was just a painless existence to him?