I had spent my last 3 years with my brother Daniel and his wife Julie, they have helped me to cope up with the divorce that I had with my husband. Austin and I loved each other only till the love faded leaving nothing behind only a hollow feeling.
We fall in love way too much and I realised that the bitter way that fast love doesn't last, love doesn't mean falling it means living. It's doom to get faded.
When we started going out it was magical he would always compliment me and we used to go on dates. He proposed me and I said yes, it was the feeling that you get like you are the happiest person, but this happiness didn't last long we soon started to fight on very small things often we would resolve it but then were affecting us deep down. I guess separating from each other after 7 months of marriage was good for each other. The marriage had already left us shattered to the core of our love, shattering it into pieces. Even our seven years together couldn't hold our marriage.
It's hard to leave when you love so hard. It's hard to forget every memory that you cherish. You cry away the nights and put on a new smile each morning but the pain yet remains.. you see the person being happy without you n you feel your soul burning inside not cause the person is happy but because you weren't enough.
You realise that the years just slide through your hand like sand.. all the time together doesn't matter, you get left in a helpless situation but the person won't lend a comforting hand. You say to yourself each night it's all gonna be right. But you break inside a million times. You left with only one question: why you couldn't be enough??
You know if you ask then all your gonna get excuses. You aren't enough and no matter what you hear you know it's the truth. He knitted his assumption to throw you away.. fights were his weapon and tears were your defence. You lost the fight but he is happy. Guess the fight was over before you even knew it started.
David had helped me through all this and now he was going through the worst phase of his life. I felt good that I was able to be with him but yet I knew I could not fill the space that Julie had left behind. I couldn't get her back but all I could do was distract him or at least give him the reason to live on a happy cause that's what Julie also wanted.
I decided to plan a trip for him, I knew he would decline me but then I told him that I wanted to go to Paris for my 27th birthday. I wanted him to face the truth, that she had already left us. I wanted him to finally go back to the place they have met and finally let go of the guilt that haunted him.
He agreed I had booked the tickets and everything was planned. I had also bought a book named "The Art of Happiness." I had asked my friend the best spiritual book, from childhood David had been into spiritual books and divine force that lies hidden kind of things. I knew he would read it.
So at 10 am the flight was scheduled to leave for a 6hours 50minutes long journey, but the only unexpected turn that my elder brother was gonna encounter was that I was not going with him. I had cancelled my tickets and my brother was unaware about it, he had stopped talking so I knew that when he reached his seat he would simply put headphones and go to sleep to prevent me from disturbing and asking questions.
The minute he would wake up I know one thing he would be in the air with no escape route but to go to Paris. I wanted him to relive the first moment he met with Julie on the Por des Arts bridge. I wanted him to remember how love existed for him, I don't want him to live in guilt. I had even packed the book that I had to give him with his things and when he reached the airport I told him to read that book cause I was running late. Hope everything I planned goes well, I missed my elder brother and getting him back like he used to be was the only birthday gift I ever wanted.
It's sad how love affects us something it leaves us with questions and sometimes with just space that's hard to fill. Julie had given up everything cause she didn't want the destiny she was facing, I can't say that I understood her. She was perfect, she was helpful and loving.
She loved to an extreme that there was coming back for her, and this is what killed her. I didn't want my brother a life of doom and loneliness, I wanted him to love again and be happy again. I had even hidden the letter of Julie from him, guess when he is ready I will give it to him.
Sometimes being alone makes you realize the importance of things that you lost. The old memories revived were being played like a slide show.
All I could do was wait, wait for the time to play his parts and heal his wounds. I want him to find someone who would love him for his scar and accept him for his flaws. Time was playing its part for me, I won't say that I don't think of Austin from time to time, but I feel the acceptance of the lost. I cherish the memories we share, but I know they are better left unsaid now. They won't be lost with time, but they won't either hold me down. I will move slowly but steadily towards the future.