He couldn't burden them all with his demise, not when everyone was suffering too. Helios stepped back, sniffing into the tears that had his vision quivering. His brows pressed tight as he swallowed down his sobs. The panic attack rose in his throat, but he quietened it with another long deep sniff.
Peach.
If he told them about his ailments, they'd speed up the process. They wouldn't give her the time to search for a cure. His mates would do something about it. His mates would lure her in and butcher her like cattle.
He had to hide it.
He had to take care of it while he still could.
Elysian hiccupped, the fear had him wringing his hands out, rising to look at Solar. From Helios's spot in the shadows, his eyes seemed horrifying. The wideness of his pupils, the glint of tears. The despair. The insanity. "Something's wrong," he begged Solar. "Something's wrong. Y-you saw something. What was it? What was I going to—" He choked on his words.
"Hush now," Solar murmured. "We will all be alright; Klaus always has a plan." Klaus. Something like hatred stirred within Helios's belly.
"W-was I going to do something?" Elysian was panting. "Was I…Was I a Lonely?"
"No, no," Solar assured, fingers rushing to cup their mate's cheeks. Helios should be in that room too, Helios should be calming him down. But he couldn't lift his feet, couldn't move. He was frozen in place, frozen like a statue. "It doesn't come so quickly like that. You knew how it was with Helios. He took days, weeks before he deteriorated—" But Helios was deteriorating again, so quickly too.
"But people change so quickly now, it erupted out of them. Will I hurt someone—" Elysian's voice had risen in pitch, a panic laced in his throat. "You can't let me hurt anyone. You can't. I can't—"
"You're alright," Solar's voice was soft, and gentle as if he were speaking to a spooked animal. "I promise. It was nothing like that."
"So, I would have hurt her?" Elysian whimpered, body quivering so hard it had a lump forming in Helios's throat. "I would have—"
"Enough," Icarus's voice echoed from the shadows, and Helios was startled then, heart pounding. He hadn't felt him, hadn't realised that Icarus was there. But how? How could he? Icarus was his mate, he'd marked him. As fey, he should be able to sense the emotions of his mate. He should be able to feel him.
Helios stifled a gasp, realisation dawning upon him.
The bond in him weakened so greatly, that he hadn't even noticed that his mate was in the room. His fingers scrambled to his heart, scratching at his skin. It felt like there was water in their connection, flooding him until all he could feel were the drowning cries of the mates who screamed. Fey should be the best at sensing emotions. He should be capable of feeling the surge of his mates. Even at his worst, Helios had been able to sense the tug of his seven, the pull at his soul. And yet, he couldn't hear them now.
He couldn't hear them at all when they weren't screaming.
There was something wrong with him.
Because all he heard was the cry of Quinn's magnetic pull.
Helios flew back, wings fluttering, lips parted into a gasp.
This was bad.
This was very bad.
Icarus's voice continued in the darkness. "We haven't done anything yet."
"But we did," Elysian wept. "We will. WE WILL." His wail was awful, heart-wrenching as it swayed through the room. It pierced through the air, swallowing them all in sorrow. "We will." The cry was so heartbreaking, it had Helios feeling as if he were torn into two, tears already slipping down his cheeks. Elysian's dry sobs were awful, gasping for air like a fish out of water, convulsing as if possessed. "We're going to kill my mate."
Icarus's voice was filled with his plea. "Don't think about it, Elysian. Please. Please." He was thrashing and Icarus and Solar had leapt onto the sheets, locking him down. They were pushing him down, caging him like an animal.
"WE'RE GOING TO KILL MY MATE." Elysian almost seemed insane, convulsing through each sob, his voice pitching into utter despair. "WE'RE GOING TO EAT HER HEART."
Solar's voice rose an octave. "Elysian, calm yourself!"
"MY ALPHA," he cried, "I HAVE TO KILL MY ALPHA." Elysian was shaking, breaking, and his tears were red, as red as blood. "I'M A MONSTER. I'M A MONSTER. I'M A MONSTER." They all knew this would happen, that he'd protest, that he'd suffer. But to see it ripple from him to this extent, it frightened them. It frightened Helios, it had him pressing his hands to his ears, shaking hard. He was grateful that the others weren't here for it'd break them, it'd change their pack forever.
Solar was weeping. "You can get through this. I GOT THROUGH THIS. Elysian, listen to me."
Elysian screamed. "No, no, no, no, no, NO—" His sobs vibrated into a guttural scream, one that reminded Helios awfully of the voice, the voice that growled, grunted and seemed almost animalistic. It pitched into a keen, wailing that resembled almost like a roar.
An animal.
An animal just like the voice in his head.
An animal that resembled the monsters in the wastelands.
Helios flew, soared into the air, seeking solace in the sky but instead, all he heard was the thump of his heart. The rip of an awful feeling in his gut, like a violin stretched too tight. It sang in his throat as he flew to her window and lingered upon the glass. His eyes swept to her face, and in the rain, his body was chilled to the bone.
Mate. The voice whispered, weakly, softly. Our mate.
He swept closer, hands reaching for her, the tiny curve of her back in the sheets. How small she was, how weak. In the shadows she was curled into a ball, breathing soft and slow, but shaky with her tears. He could see the trace of her shoulder blades, the moon-like glow of her flesh, the press of her head close to her heart. The shiver.
His guilt throbbed in his chest. His mind drifted. Did an angel fall from the heavens? He wondered. Or was she a devil that had crawled from the depths of hell? He lingered, incisors lengthening, eager to claim. His fingers shook, a finger on the glass and suddenly he was starving.
Starving for something more, starving for something warm, starving for his teeth in her neck, his body in her scent, how close could he get? How close could he be? He needed her around him, within him, inside of him, he needed more. He couldn't trust himself. He couldn't trust himself to hold her. And if he couldn't trust himself to protect her. He couldn't trust himself to be with her. He couldn't trust the world that would kill her. His mates would surely kill her first. Then perhaps he should consume her whole. Perhaps, if her heart was not his then perhaps, we should eat her heart—
He snatched his hands back, heart pounding, body shaking. No. No. No. Ink came away when he coughed into his hands, washed away by the rain. His tears flowed, concealed by the pouring rain. But in another corner of their home, another choked, body convulsing, ink rupturing from open lips into the sink. The waters swirled taking the darkness away, hiding the truth.
And in that other corner of the universe, Zen sobbed.
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