Chapter 24
The days following the letter from the polytechnic felt like a blur. I still hadn't fully processed what it meant to be accepted into a school, despite all the chaos in my life. For a while, the idea of going back to studying seemed like a distant, almost foreign thought. How could I focus on school when I was already juggling so many other things? Work, survival, my past decisions—they all seemed to pull at me in different directions.
It wasn't long before the reality of my situation hit hard. I had to make a choice. A choice between going to school, pursuing some semblance of a future, and continuing to work, trying to build the life I was already carving out for myself. The job at the shop, despite the long hours and the lack of excitement, had become my crutch. It gave me money. It gave me a sense of security, even though I knew it wasn't a path to anything beyond what I was already living.
The polytechnic offered a future, but it also demanded time and effort. I had always been a practical person. It wasn't hard for me to weigh the pros and cons of each choice.
On the one hand, school promised knowledge, a chance to make something of myself beyond the confines of the streets and the shops. But it also meant less time to work, less money coming in. It meant a sacrifice, one I wasn't sure I was ready to make. I had gotten so used to the little bit of freedom I had earned by working, the small wins in my life. Dropping that for something uncertain? It didn't sit well with me.
On the other hand, work kept me grounded in reality. It was the steady income, the familiar routine. But it was also a trap. I knew it. I knew that if I stayed on this path, I would be stuck in the same cycle forever—working to survive, surviving to work, never truly moving forward.
I had spent so long running from the difficult choices in my life, and now it was all coming to a head. I had to decide whether to hold on to the comfort of my current life or to let go and chase something I wasn't entirely sure I could reach.
The days leading up to the start of school were a haze of doubt and indecision. I would sit in the evenings, staring at the polytechnic's acceptance letter, and I would think about what it would be like to step into a classroom again. But then I would look at my bank account and think about how I was going to pay for my next meal, let alone tuition. The thought of losing the stability that came with my job, the sense of control I had gained, made me hesitate.
I started avoiding the polytechnic's orientation events. I told myself I needed time to think, that I needed to be sure. But deep down, I knew I was just afraid.
One evening, after a long day at work, I sat down with my boss, Mr. Adewale, for a drink. It was rare for us to have a conversation that wasn't about business, but tonight felt different. I had been toying with the idea of quitting work altogether, diving into school, but I didn't have the courage to say it out loud.
"You look like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders," Mr. Adewale said, his voice gentle but knowing. "What's going on, Fred?"
I took a long sip of my drink before responding. "I've got a decision to make, sir. I've been accepted into a polytechnic, but I'm not sure if I should go. I need to keep working, you know? To survive."
He studied me for a long moment, his face thoughtful. "I understand the struggle. I've been in your shoes, Fred. I know what it's like to want more but be scared to leave what's familiar."
I nodded, feeling the weight of his words. "But what if I'm not cut out for school anymore? What if I just keep working, keep hustling?"
Mr. Adewale leaned back, his eyes narrowing as he considered the question. "You've got something more in you, Fred. You know that, right? If you don't give yourself the chance, you'll never know what could have been. But it's not an easy choice. School is not a promise of success—it's a risk. But it's one you have to take if you want to grow."
His words echoed in my mind long after our conversation ended. Was I willing to take the risk? Was I ready to gamble on my future when I already had something that was working, even if it wasn't much?
The next morning, I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me sometimes. The person who had been so determined to make something of himself seemed so distant now, lost beneath the layers of doubt and fear I had built around myself.
I could feel the tension in my chest as I tried to make sense of everything. But deep down, I knew what the right choice was. I knew that if I didn't take this step, if I didn't at least try, I would never forgive myself.
So, I made the decision.
I called Mr. Adewale later that day and told him I was going to take a break from the shop to focus on my studies. He was quiet for a moment before telling me he understood. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, Fred. Just don't forget where you came from, alright?"
I promised him I wouldn't, and for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of relief. The weight wasn't gone, but it was a step in the right direction.
The first day of school came, and as I sat in the classroom surrounded by new faces, a mixture of nervousness and excitement swirled inside me. It felt like stepping into a new life, a new chapter. The decision was made. Now, all I had to do was take it one day at a time.
I didn't know what the future held, but for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was finally moving in the right direction.