At school, during lunch break. Uche and I sat in the grass in the school field.
"He found a way to erase it from her phone," I filled Uche in on what happened yesterday with my aunt and Nick."He was pretty mad after my aunt compared you two."
"I hate it when they do that," he muttered to himself but I could still hear it.
"They?" I wanted to know what or should I say he meant.
"My dad and your aunt. It's like they're in a competition over it or something."
"So she does it like regularly? I've actually never heard her till yesterday."
"Yeah, she doesn't do it quite often as my dad. She only does it when she's kinda fed up with Nick or whenever he does something."
"Like the video?"
"Like the video." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck."My dad's worse. He actually doesn't need a good reason to compare me to anyone." He chuckled."He once asked why I never went out to parties like Nick. I was still like you then, I hated everyone and no one in particular. Just kept to myself, I didn't even know Kim or the others then, just Nick. He literally couldn't find anything else to compare so he went for partying."
"Still like me, who says I'm like that. I'm not that, I don't hate everyone. What ever made you think that?" I wrung my lips but only heard him laugh dryly.
"Well, at least you like me, that counts I guess." He bit his lower lip and stared at me vaguely."Do you?"
"Huh?" I got lost on what we were talking about at this point.
"Do you...do you like me?"
"What?" I laughed lightly at first, assuming he was joking till he didn't laugh along.
"Do you still like me, Julie? I told myself I wouldn't ask but I just...I've gotta know...I..."
"Uche, what are you...why would you even ask me that?"
"Why shouldn't I? It's been really weird with you lately. I tried to push off the thoughts but I couldn't help it. I just can't. You don't text me, and when I text, you take forever to reply and you've even been making attempts at avoiding me."
"No, I've not...I...why would I do any of that on purpose?" I attempted lying but stopped at denial after remembering he could tell when I was lying.
"I don't know?" He shrugged."Maybe you don't like me anymore?" His voice sounded rough like he was trying to mask how he really felt. I could feel my heart throbbing at the realization that I was actually hurting him.
It's true, I have been trying to give him a little distance. I just wanted to remember what it was like not having him as my boyfriend; I just wanted to know if I could recover easily if we ever broke up; if I did leave for the city with my mum, how would it be without him?
Maybe all of those are true, but what isn't true? Me not like him anymore, that was a lie. I liked him, a whole fucking lot. I liked him before he asked me out and I still like him now.
The silence between us got awkward so I just looked up at him from where I sat. He was staring at me before I looked up. He was watching me, every action, every expression. He was trying to read me, trying to predict whatever I was going to say; he was trying to prepare himself for pain.
I wanted to go closer to him by crawling on the grass. I wanted to rest my head on his thighs and get the perfect view of his smile. I wanted to hug him and whisper in my ears how much I wanted him to kiss me despite how weird it just became between us.
But then, I opened my mouth and the only words that dropped were; "Do you want to take a break?"
I watched his pupils dilate after I asked that and then a shaky exhale before a sad chuckle."Fuck, you're breaking up with me?"
"I didn't say that. I'm just..." I took a moment to breathe in."I'm just asking if you want to..."
"I don't wanna." He cut me short, staring into my soul as he spoke. I couldn't even look away."I don't want to take a break."
"Well, I do." I heard myself and regretted that almost instantly.
He blinked for the first time since we started this awkward conversation. Biting his lower lip aggressively, he ran his finger through his hair and looked away.
"I..." I wanted to say something but he got up from where he sat in the grass and started to walk away. The weight of what I just did suddenly fell on me.
*****
After classes finished for the day, I headed to my locker to keep some hooks but met Uche standing there with Casey. I immediately hid because I didn't know how to face him after earlier.
"Did she say anything about me like anything odd?" He asked Casey who just shook her head slowly."So she hasn't mentioned anything that I did to you?"
"She doesn't tell me anything about you two unless I find out first." Casey shrugged."Are you two fighting or what?"
"I just wanted to know," Uche denied.
"She didn't look your way once since we returned from lunch break, very weird. You two fought, I can't be convinced otherwise."
"Don't tell her I asked," he just told her before walking away. Casey noticed me and smiled when I started approaching her.
"Well, I won't be doing any telling..." She laughed to herself and when she noticed I didn't find humor in her words, she turned to me to ask seriously."Did you two fight?"
"We're taking a break," I inhaled deeply after informing her, trying to breathe out the chilliness that I felt after telling her that.
"For real?" Her jaw dropped."What did he do?" She asked me after assuming that I was the one who asked for it.
"Who said I was the one asked for a break?" I asked and went to squat in front of my locker.
She squatted next to me."It's obvious. Uche's like crazy about you, couldn't be him." She shrugged."So what'd he do?"
"Nothing." I kept my books and stood on my feet, she did the same.
"Come on," she dragged, letting me know she wanted more information from me. I just sighed.
"Nothing, really. I just wanted to see how it'd be if we ever broke up or something."
"Are you crazy? Why would you do that to him? Uche's like the softest guy in our class. Don't play with him like that."
"I'm not playing with him..." I jumped to defend myself.
"Julie," she called like she wanted to bring me out of a trance."You are. Can't you see? If you don't like him anymore, then just break up."
"I like him," I ended up confessing."I really do, I just..."
"You really what? Go on." She folded her arms as she awaited an answer.
"Don't do that, you're making me feel guilty."
"Well, you should. He literally stopped doing a lot of things for you. He stopped hanging out with his friends as much as he used to and April too."
"You go through his phone too?" I fixed my eyes on her and she started to stutter.
"Well...no...maybe..."