"Nee, Tomioka-San, have you ever been in love?"
Giyu felt his shoulders twitch as Mitsuri finished speaking. He turned to look at her questioningly, cocking his head slightly, but only received a light giggle from her.
Tomioka hadn't expected to strike up a conversation with her so quickly.
It had been a few minutes since they had finished the special training between the two of them and at the moment they were just enjoying the serenity of the afternoon; being able to cool off and let their guard down if only for a second.
He had noticed that, upon appearing, the girl couldn't stand prolonged silences compared to Giyu, but he hadn't expected her to initiate a dialogue as soon as they sat down under the shade of one of the trees at the water estate.
Giyu had not talked too much with Mitsuri. She was an emotional and nervous girl from the beginning and Tomioka tried not to interact too much with someone like that, but he supposed he should start doing that since he agreed to be part of the training and had been spending time with his fellow pillars more often.
That' s what Tanjiro would like anyway.
"Why do you ask?"
"I'm just curious," she replied simply, but still not letting up on what she was saying.
Tomioka turned to look at the clouds in the sky. So calm that no one would imagine the hell they were living through thanks to the demons.
Mitsuri was still staring at him. Attentive and expectant for the answer to the open question.
He thought deeply about Kanroji's question and searched within himself for an answer, however, he found nothing.
Giyu wasn't sure if he had really come to feel that way about someone on the outside. Love.
It may have happened to him with Sabito in the past, for he had to admit that the attachment and affection he felt for him went beyond a merely brotherly and platonic one, but he wasn't sure he could categorize it as having been in love.
He wouldn't know the difference, or how to even notice it. It was a strange concept he had only heard of in Tsutako stories he vaguely remembered.
"I'm not sure," was what he said at last without looking at her, surrendering to his own inexperience.
Mitsuri let out a soft sound of understanding as she fiddled with the messy hair in her braid and turned her gaze to the same nonexistent point in the sky.
"You know," Kanroji began, in a sweet, calm tone of voice he had never heard her speak in before, "when someone loves something, they sparkle. That's why people fall in love so irrationally."
This time, Giyu did turn to meet her gaze, curious about what she was saying.
She had that unique glow she acquired whenever she was excited, but compared to the previous times, Mitsuri seemed calm. With an almost serious and even professional demeanor somehow, as if she was talking about something of utmost importance and care that left Giyu really disconcerted.
"And you, Tomioka-san, you have had a particular glow since I came here," she continued in the same manner.
Giyu felt his mouth suddenly go dry and he could swear he could hear his own heartbeat increase.
"You may not notice it, but the others do. The way you act gives you away."
His hands were sweating even though he wasn't holding anything and Tomioka couldn't help but swallow thickly when he understood what Mitsuri was trying to tell him.
But Tomioka didn't know if he could even consider such a thing. Letting his mind wander until he imagined that it was what was happening to him, although well, Giyu wasn't sure he could ever understand what she was referring to.
To that particular glow he had seen in so many people, but doubted it had ever been or was in him.
"I think you are mistaken," he said, interrupting her words and avoiding her gaze.
Mitsuri laughed again then, almost as if she was making fun of his naivety and him saying that, but he knew she didn't mean it maliciously "I'm the love pillar, Tomioka. I know what I'm talking about."
This time he didn't answer anything. He merely pursed his lips, because he knew she was right.
"You're in love now, aren't you Giyu?" Mitsuri finally said dropping the formalities, and, although it was a question, to Tomioka it sounded more like a statement.
And this time, the image of Tanjiro smiling that same morning flashed before his eyes and Giyu broke out in a cold sweat for a second.
What in the world…?
.
.
.
Giyu wakes up startled. He takes a deep, heavy breath, as if he couldn't breathe for some reason and before he knows it he is sitting up in his bed. His body trembles, his hands sink behind him into the mattress from his weight and he feels one of his cheeks tingle with a sudden wetness.
Giyu touches his face, cheekbones and eyes, discovering that there are indeed... silent tears that have leaked for some apparent reason.
" Tears ?" his hand comes down to the level of his chest. Traces of tears have lingered on his fingertips and glisten in the little light that filters through the badly closed curtains. He is still shaking, but now he breathes more calmly than before "Why?".
Maybe the last time he woke up crying was when he was little and had nightmares. Giyu would run to his sister to seek shelter from the darkness of his own room. No matter how tired she was, Tsutako would always smile sleepily and hug him, inviting him into her bed to soothe him. Sometimes she would tell him a story to distract him, and only then would he go back to sleep.
He will always thank his sister and the story of Beauty and the Beast for taking away his fear of the monsters that haunted his dreams and making his nights more pleasant as a child.
However, he is now an adult and, although nightmares and strange dreams are sporadic, they are not the reason for waking up with tears in his eyes like that morning.
Tomioka can' t remember what he was dreaming about. Try as he might to think about it, a void seems to have been created as the seconds pass, and whatever it is, it is no longer there.
Giyu is startled again when the notification buzzer jolts him out of the silence he's been plunged into. His phone is beside him on the bed and the message glows over a picture he didn't take of Tengen and him somewhere.
Sabito:
I'm almost there.
Looking forward to it!
"Sabito?" Giyu picks up the phone and unlocks it. The chat is open and leaves him very confused after reading what he sent. "What's he talking about?"
Confusion soon turns to mild frustration as he notices that it must be Tanjiro's doing . The grip of his hand on the phone increases a little and he can feel a bead of sweat slide down his neck.
"What did Tanjiro do this time?" grumbles Tomioka going into the diary and the last note the boy has left him. His cheeks flare an almost bold red after reading it, finally letting out his panic in a not so disguised shout "A date!?"
.
.
.
The door makes a dull thud with the wall as he rushes out. Tomioka doesn't turn around, trusting it to close on its own like all the times he's gone out like that.
Giyu is out of breath after dressing and tidying himself up as best he could in the almost non-existent time he had and tries to finish tying his hair as he makes his way down the stairs taking long jumps. He almost falls a couple of times, but manages to avoid it by steadying himself and continuing on his way.
He should be thankful, now more than ever, for the short distance between the station and the building where he lives, but, still, the adrenaline burning in his muscles makes him run and run, cursing Tanjiro and the stupid note in the diary a thousand times.
.
.
.
A date with Sabito-kun tomorrow!
Meet at 10:30 a.m. at the station!
"It was what I'd planned, but…" Tanjiro mumbles, but doesn't finish the sentence. He can't.
Tanjiro has been sitting on the futon since he woke up about ten minutes ago. Steady, staring only at the shoji doors and the blurred reflection of the outside in them. He feels as if he hasn't had enough sleep. His body is heavy. His chest is heavy. He is dragged down by the desire to lie down again and do nothing.
But he knows he can't. He must ignore the tug of disappointment and get on with his day.
His gaze has settled somewhere on the floor; he barely feels one of his hands move to reach one of the earrings, but now he strokes it, inevitably returning to thoughts of what must be happening in Tokyo right now. Of what has been clenching his gut ever since he opened his eyes and realized he was actually in his body.
He doesn't notice when Nezuko opens the door, nor the surprised expression that crosses her face at seeing him like this, so deep in his head. "Brother..." she calls.
Tanjiro straightens up to look at her and gives a fake smile. His eyelids narrow and his voice comes out huskier than he would have liked when he speaks. "Good morning, Nezuko."
"Are... are you okay?" asks Nezuko, with a tone denoting poorly suppressed concern.
And Tanjiro smiles again in the same manner before nodding and standing up.
"Perfectly. "
.
.
.
Giyu arrives at the station almost out of breath and with the hum of one of the trains entering the platforms in the background. He holds onto one of the staircase walls for a few seconds and gives himself one last push before finally climbing up.
He is hyperventilating a bit. There are a few beads of sweat sliding down his temples and his hair has moved in the wind, but Giyu is more focused on looking for Sabito among the crowd of people and their morning conversations over the loud pounding of his heart in his ears, hoping he hasn't arrived too late.
"Giyu!" Tomioka turns with a start and finds Sabito leaning directly towards him. Reflexively, he takes a few steps away and sees him straighten up smiling mockingly.
"Sorry. Did you wait long?" Sabito asks, cocking his head to one side.
"Hi!" and all that comes out of Giyu's mouth is a nervous stutter that forces him to scratch the back of his neck and look away "Yes-No!"
He only keeps his gaze averted for a second, before returning it to the boy in front of him and finally getting a good look at him.
Sabito is wearing a pair of blue pants that are tight around his long legs. He wears a somewhat baggy white T-shirt covered by a black shirt unbuttoned at the top, and finally, and what stands out the most, a black colored choker that fits the pale skin of his neck and gets lost behind his usual loose hair on the sides.
Tomioka for a moment thinks he looks much better than he does, who took the first thing he found that was decent enough for a date. But he has to admit to himself that he literally just found out about it fifteen minutes ago.
Sabito is now smiling almost sweetly at him and Tomioka curses himself internally because he knows his cheeks are getting disproportionately hot.
"I just got here" Giyu manages to say, controlling his voice, really hoping not to look strange for staring at him for too long.
Sabito, however, doesn't seem to notice or perhaps doesn't care. He just widens his smile, stretching the scar on his flushed cheek and ventures to lean once more in his direction and take his hand.
"Good" Sabito's touch is warm and Giyu can't help but startle a little before being dragged away by the boy. "Let's go!"
.
.
.
Tanjiro is now standing. The futon rolled up in the closet and his bag resting on the floor next to the closed door.
He must hurry to get down to breakfast with Grandpa and Nezuko, so he tries to fix his uniform as quickly as he can, but if he's honest he feels as if the simple action of moving his hands was too difficult.
Nezuko will surely tell him off for taking too much time, but he can live with one more scolding from his sister.
He has nothing due today, as his teachers took pity on them because it is festival day. However, he must prepare to give an English lesson soon; he knows he has to study, but it is a fact that he is going to encounter Giyu's words in his notebook.
Fuck. Tanjiro has really tried not to think about him.
Instead, he just wants to focus on going about his day as usual, but Tomioka is there, hovering in his head.
Unlike other days, however, Tanjiro doesn't worry about what he might have done during the last exchange. It hasn't even crossed his mind what happened the day before when he wasn't in his body.
But Giyu is simply in his head.
Tanjiro is thinking about him , and he's had to put on his best light, carefree smile to convince his sister that it hasn't been eating him up inside since he opened his eyes.
Nezuko wouldn't understand if she knew anyway. He doesn't understand either.
Because he shouldn't have to care, right?
He... he was the one who wanted things to develop between Sabito and Giyu.
Who thought it was painful to watch the obvious attraction that existed between the two of them. Who decided in the end to take things into his own hands to take the next step. Who invited Sabito to that date .
Then why... Why does it hurt ?
Why does the tense tug of regret squeezes his chest?
Tanjiro has regretted many things throughout his life. It's like a monster that he can't shake off and that only brings him bad things. And it doesn't go away, even when situations pass.
He could have spent more time with his parents before the accident that took them away. He could have done something for his uncle and convinced him to stay with the family. He could have refused the weight of the sun god's temple. He could have embraced his revulsion and sent it all to hell.
But he didn't .
And the regret was still there, but it never felt that way. So emotional and desperate. Never like that, and now he doesn't know how to react or what to do upon realizing that… he doesn't want Giyu to go on that date.
"He is so lucky"
The atmosphere has the freshness of early autumn. An October caress. Tanjiro stands in front of his mirror; his reflection stares back at him,but he's not paying too much attention to it; just adjusting the earrings in his ears and pulling his hair back. Bright vermilion in the morning light, the only one listening to his pitiful words.
"They must be together around now"
.
.
.
The elevator is quite crowded for Giyu's taste. Both of them have been pushed towards one of the windows by the crowd and Tomioka does his best to keep his distance and not press his body too much against Sabito's body.
The position is awkward, he' s had to stand on his tiptoes all this time, as he and Sabito are the same height. Giyu wants to avoid at all costs that their faces are just inches apart, and from the little giggle he's heard from the other boy, he doesn't even want to think about the expression on his face, so he concentrates on controlling the heat in his cheeks and watching the Tokyo landscape recede the higher they go.
They both hurry out as the doors open and Tomioka feels like he can finally breathe a little easier. The room that greets them is large. Surrounded entirely by large windows and a bright floor filled with lights off for the moment.
Giyu has never been to the National Art Center, but he must admit that it is much bigger and more striking in person. He's only seen the brochures and photos of the place, but they were never enough to pique his interest.
He didn't even know they were headed there to begin with. He had to suppress his growing nervousness of Sabito holding his hand at first to look back at the note Tanjiro left him where he explains everything about the goddamn date. The place was probably Tengen's idea, who is passionate about art, and now Tomioka has to take a deep breath and prepare himself for the questions that will come from his friend when they meet again.
Sabito is the one who rushes to one side of the room with an enthusiastic smile on his face, and points to something in the distance that Giyu can't quite make out.
.
.
.
Tanjiro has no specific expression on his face. He is blank, with his hands moving mechanically and his mind somewhere else hundreds of miles away.
Maybe... he could go to Tokyo for a few hours?
It's a risky and far-fetched idea driven by that desperate tug, but it becomes clearer as the seconds pass and the growing anxiety of wanting to move and do something.
Maybe he can tell Nezuko that he'll take the train to a date-which isn't necessarily his because she'll probably think he has someone in the city.
It wouldn't be a problem, since the only train out of Itomori goes to Tokyo. All he would have to do is walk to the platform, get in and sit back and admire the scenery as it changes from green open fields, to colossal concrete buildings and annoying artificial lights.
But what would Giyu think if he suddenly arrived: would it bother him or surprise him?
He might not like it. Anyone would be upset if someone came to see them without warning, anyway.
He could try calling him on the phone. His number was saved in his contacts after one of the swaps, so he would just have to dial, wait for the call to come in, and hear his voice externally and not in his head being him.
It wouldn't hurt to imagine the meeting now, right? To let his mind fly and visualize Giyu in front of him.
What would Giyu do if they met?
Would it be awkward?
Or maybe...would he be a bit glad to see him?
He could go to just see him. That's it. Maybe he could work up the courage to go and talk to him. That would surely be enough to satiate whatever the desperate tugging inside him meant and be able to get back before nightfall. His friends would be waiting for him to go to the festival anyway.
Tanjiro wants - no, needs - to see him. To look into his eyes and recognize that it is him, because he is certain that, if they see each other, no matter the place, the time or the reason, they will both know.
That it was Giyu who was inside Tanjiro, and that it was Tanjiro who was inside Giyu.
Tanjiro then feels excitement coursing through his veins, determined to do it. To leave his house, take the train and go to Tokyo, but before he can even consider moving, he feels his body freeze and he comes back to himself.
He has not moved from his position in front of the mirror at any time. He doesn't notice that his hands drop to the level of his chest. Instead, he is focused on the image reflected in front of him. Now looking at it in real detail.
First of all, he realizes that he has started to cry at some point. The tears are silent and keep falling involuntarily.
He could try to stop them, he could wipe them away, he could go downstairs for breakfast, he could do anything else, but he simply can't.
His head doesn't allow him to do anything but look at himself in the mirror.
Or at least a version of him that he doesn't recognize.
And he's looking at it.
He blinks.
And he stares.
"I... why....?"
Tanjiro is sure he put on his school uniform a few moments ago. He can see the empty hanger where it was hanging in the open closet from where he is.
But the thing is, the Tanjiro in the mirror is not wearing the uniform.
He is wearing a haori with a checkered pattern. A strange hakama and even stranger black clothes.
The hairstyle is the same. The face is the same. The eyes are the same. The earrings are the same. There is no doubt that it is him, but Tanjiro blinks several times to check that it is not a figment of his imagination. He really is seeing himself looking so... different .
His gaze is now drawn to his own clothes. The winter school uniform; the same sweater crumpled at the waist; the same white shirt with the scruffy collar and the same pants in that nasty brown color.
He's definitely wearing it, but then why... does he look like that?
Tanjiro should feel scared about this. He should react in some way and feel it as something unfamiliar, but he doesn't. Rather, it's something that bothers him and that he can't shake off.
It's... that desperate tug he's felt all this time, hooked to that something in the back of his mind that's trapped. Something Tanjiro thought had to do with Giyu and his date today and regret, but it seems to be something more than that. Drawing attention to itself, but too distant to make it out yet.
A sense of deja vu.
This image; this Tanjiro reflected in the mirror, is not unfamiliar to him. He simply knows it. He has seen it at some point in the past, yet he cannot say when exactly it was.
For what other explanation would there be for the scar to be in the same place on his face?
For the earrings to receive him fluttering on the sides of his head?
Tanjiro is so deep in the recesses of his memory trying to remember, that he hasn't noticed that his hand has gone up to his face. Up to caress the reddened skin of his forehead.
Where has he seen himself in this way?
In a photograph. In a video. In a dream-
And that's when he feels it.
The tug.
The drag.
The prick.
His scar burns.
His two hands come up to rest completely on it like a reflex to the pain. His brow furrows, his eyes close and everything seems to start moving.
Tanjiro loses his balance. He staggers and his feet tangle as he tries to steady himself and grab onto something, but all he manages to do is slip and take the mirror with him.
His head spins. He falls feeling the weight of his body dragged to the ground, causing a sharp pain in his lower back.
The sound of glass shattering is heard, and when Tanjiro opens his eyes again, he finds himself face to face with his shattered reflection in what is left of the mirror, now on the floor.
His head feels as if it is going to explode in his hands and there is a ringing in it and in his ears that turns into a high-pitched whistling and vertigo.
What-
He doesn't feel present. Maybe he's breathing hard and maybe the tears continue unabated, but Tanjiro can only watch as his reflection recedes from him, distorts and narrows until he can see nothing but images passing in sequence in front of his eyes.
Images he has seen before.
...before the demons come out...
Nezuko...don't die!
Your brother will definitely save you!
What's-
Don't take anyone else from me.
Don't humiliate yourself like that to give your enemies a chance to kill you!
That voice-
Look for an old man by the name of Urokodaki Sakonji.
When you find him, tell him Giyu Tomioka sent you.
Is-
His heart has risen up into his throat, choking him and making it hard to swallow. His chest is tight, too tight, and his breathing is fast and shallow.
No-
Tanjiro, what do you plan to do with your sister when she eats a human?
Crying is unworthy, so shut up already.
Keep winning for me, Tanjiro.
Impressive. I'm very proud.
Tanjiro, take care of Giyu for me, will you?
The images flood him.
Tanjiro knows where he has seen all this.
They are his dreams. His nightmares. Everything that haunted him at night as a child.
No-
I will never forgive you, Muzan Kibutsuji.
Besides, if you analyze all that blood and create the medicine, it won't be just for Nezuko, will it?
Tamayo-san, thank you for your concern, but Nezuko will stay with me.
No-
Everything came back when he started switching places with Giyu.
It's taking shape. Becoming clearer. No longer looking like blurry or homemade recordings and becoming something that can be seen clearly passing in front of him.
The faces. The voices.
He can perceive it all now.
Tanjiro is blinking, slow and methodical. His eyes remain fixed on the mirrored glass and everything that passes in front of him. His skin tingles. His hands go numb and the feeling he has of his hair is becoming more and more distant.
He can feel the blood in his body pounding in his ears.
No-
My name is Zenitsu Agatsuma!
Please do what you can to save me Tanjiro!
It was my duty because I'm the eldest in the family.
Tanjiro... The box... I protected it.
I'm Inosuke Hashibira! Don't forget!
They-
That's not a bond! It's a lie, a deception.
That's a genuine bond, and it will be mine!
Look, Tanjiro. This is your father's kagura dance.
That is...
Our family uses fire to repel harm and disaster, we offer this dance to Musubi along with our prayers, at the beginning and middle of each year.
Is!
His life.
These are not dreams.
These are not scenarios of his childish imagination.
You did well holding on until I came.
Take your sister and leave.
Tomioka-San...
You are here because you, Tanjiro Kamado, will stand trial.
Tomioka-San is amazing.
What difference does it make of what they chose to end their lives with?
Tanjiro, send my regards to Tamayo.
These are memories.
Urokodaki, Tomioka. They risked their lives to defend us.
You have a beautiful soul, you know?
I've wondered, Tanjiro, what did you do to make Tomioka act so differently?
Remember, the heart is what drives people, so it can be strengthened according to your need.
Tomioka-San, thank you very much for Nezuko.
His memories
Learn from me! Become my disciple!
I feel like I'm having a nightmare.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Maybe I should show you your father coming back to life?
Now is not the time to admire him, you idiot!
Father, give me strength!
From a previous life.
Upper moon...3?
Because you grow old and eventually die.
To grow old, to die, is what gives meaning and beauty to a human life.
I will fulfill my duty!
His previous life.
Don't run away you bastard!
Rengoku didn't lose!
I'm going to die soon.
No matter how weak and unworthy you feel, keep your heart burning.
Grit your teeth and move forward.
Where he was also Tanjiro Kamado.
Kyojuro was an idiot!
You use the solar breath, don't you?
Not being alone is a cause of happiness.
Where demons existed and haunted people.
This reluctance is what makes us slayers weaken little by little.
We will go instead.
To a showy place brimming with sensuality and desire.
It smells of impurity.
Zenitsu disappeared.
It's the upper moon 6.
Where his family was slaughtered and his sister was turned into a demon.
The question is not whether I can... I have to!
I can't match Urokodaki or Tomioka.
Make your heart burn!
Where he became a demon slayer and vowed to bring Nezuko back.
I am not a chosen one.
Breathe, Tanjiro, please!
That'll make you lose something important someday.
Go sing her a lullaby or something.
Tanjiro Kamado! I thank you!
Where he saw friends and comrades die.
Why do you always apologize?
It makes you angry to be so weak, huh?
We've got the score! We're going to win!
That's a lie. You don't really think that.
Where he fought against Muzan.
Masters at their craft will always find their way to the same place.
You' re awake.
Tomioka-san...
He...has he been coming to see me for a month?
Where he died thanks to that fucking Sun God's dance .
It's his fault for creating a sword that could actually break.
Oh, it's a letter from Tomioka-san!
Your eyes are shining.
Kanroji Mitsuri supports the Kamado siblings!
It is clear now.
Inosuke had told him at some point, among all the talks they had at high school, that the existence of past lives was a possibility. That unthinkable idea reached his ears, and he even joked about it to himself some time later. But now fate is back to do its thing and rub his face in how fucking innocent and naive he's been.
I have no idea how you managed to become a demon slayer.
Yoriichi Zeroshiki
I know that face, I have seen it somewhere before.
Looks aren't the only things that are inherited.
Tokitou-kun just wasted his time.
Helping people also ends up being useful to you at the end of the day.
Because now he understands.
Even without knowing it, the past has had a huge influence on his life today. Clinging like a parasite to all the suffering he experienced then.
It has remained in his soul. In the memory of his genes.
Then the samurai guy must be that swordsman with the earrings.
I'm the only one who will become a Pillar!
She's our little beacon of hope.
Use it Tanjiro!
But I believe that Nezuko, in the near future, will be able to overpower the sun.
And that fear, his fear of that dance; his repulsion towards the temple, are only the traces that have remained, what has followed him in his unconscious.
Those movements that have been engraved in his muscle memory and that burn. That suffocate.
I'm afraid you're becoming a magnet for demons.
Please don't say that Tomioka-San.
A special training session has begun.
Giyu-San!
I'm not the Water Pillar.
Could you talk to Giyu?
Because only memories are eternal. Immortal.
And his soul knew what it was that had killed him in his previous life.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck-
Understanding hits Tanjiro in the face like a bright, fiery trail. The realization. The memories. It all comes back.
What's the matter, Giyu ?
His name was Sabito.
I'm not worthy to inherit the title of Water Pillar.
I promised Sabito-kun!
The weight and volume of the world seem to come at him. He is hyperventilating. The air is coming in and out erratically. The sensitivity of his body is there, but at the same time not. It itches and tingles, but fades and leaves him numb at the same time.
Giyu-San, doesn't that thing Sabito left you keep you together?
Tanjiro, sorry to keep you waiting, but I'm going to train too.
He' s petting my head...
His insides seem to swirl and churn. He feels gushing nausea and it's a relief to still be sitting on the floor because he's sure he might pass out.
In his head, everything that was, is playing on loop. What he lived through and what it all ended in.
You have no right to go to such lengths!
No matter what others say, I accept you, Tanjiro Kamado.
Thank you Tanjiro, but this is something I really have to do.
Tanjiro had already lived before. He had already been someone before.
He had already met all the people in his life.
Somehow, all those people influenced Tanjiro in the past. And he met them again in this life.
His sister, Nezuko. His grandfather, Urokodaki. His friends, Zenitsu, Inosuke. His uncle, Yoriichi. His teacher, Rengoku.
Giyu-
Tanjiro had already met Giyu.
Before they started switching places, they had already been Tanjiro and Giyu.
Giyu-San!
And Tanjiro had already fallen in love with him.
Tanjiro, when are you going to admit that you are in love with the Water Pillar ?
Huh?
Oh, Tanjiro. Love is a secret that eyes cannot hide. Especially yours.
He had, long before he even rationalized how he felt about him in the present.
The moon is beautiful tonight, don't you think Giyu ?
It's small, I can hardly see it.
The moon is beautiful no matter how it looks.
He had fallen, so deeply in love with him.
Thank you for being so kind to me!
Thank you... for being with me.
With his kindness. With his actions. His scent. His warmth. His looks. That side of Giyu that only came out when he was with him.
His treatment with Tanjiro back then and all that he did for him.
Just Giyu.
Giyu is amazing.
He had promised himself to get to know him. To be with him. To be a part of his life, beyond the demon extermination corps.
Tanjiro!
He had set out to mend his cracked heart no matter the cost.
He had loved him with each passing day.
So his name is Giyu , tell me is he someone special to you?
And he still does.
Giyu san…
He still loves Giyu Tomioka, with all his heart.
That's why he found himself eerily expectant of trading places with Giyu.
That's why he began to enjoy reading the notes that were left.
That's why he felt a tightness inside his chest every time he thought of Tomika together with Sabito.
That's why he felt disappointed when he woke up in the morning and realized that he was in his body.
That's why he regretted so painfully having set up that date.
Because.....from the bottom of my heart.... I..... love you Giyu.
Because he loves him.
And he had told him that before promising that they would find each other again.
Listen to me, no matter in what life or in what time, wherever you are in this world,
I will find you again.
He had promised...
Promise...?
I promise.
Giyu promised.
"...njiro!"
Tanjiro blinks.
"Tanjiro!"
One. Two. Three more times until he finally notices his sister's face contract in fearful concern in front of him.
He hadn't realized she had entered his room if not until that moment.
She probably heard the thump of his body falling or the mirror shattering.
Whatever it was, Nezuko is now kneeling on the floor. She has pushed the glass shards away and holds him by the shoulders tightly. Her grip trembles in the clothes of his uniform and there are tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
He doesn't like to see her so distressed.
"Tanjiro!" she calls again, and the sentence breaks for an instant "W-what's wrong!".
"Nezuko...?" his own voice feels distant and his throat is dry as he utters her name hesitantly. He blinks again, rationalizing that she is indeed in front of him.
She is there. Alive. Healthy. Human .
"Brother, what's wrong!" Nezuko insists, extremely upset to see her brother in such a state. Pale, trembling from head to toe and with endless tears sliding down his cheeks.
But Tanjiro takes longer than he would like to speak again.
After all, how can he do so when the tug of his unconscious has finally emerged from the shadows and shown him the truth of its meaning?
"He promised...," he finally murmurs, without looking away from his sister. Without moving from his spot.
"What?"
"He...promised...." Tanjiro repeats. His voice is gaining volume and urgency as the seconds pass.
How to tell her that they are both reincarnations of themselves from a previous life where everything was demons and suffering?
" Who? What are you talking about?" Nezuko frowns in confusion, and becomes even more upset when her brother gives her a squeeze back, grabbing her by the shoulders out of the blue "Tanjiro!"
"He promised!" Tanjiro exclaims and a sharp inhale follows "He promised he'd find me!".
From his throat comes a hiccup and then another and another and another and another until finally they turn into uncontrollable sobs. Pitiful wails that fill the room and break his sister's heart.
Nezuko hadn't realized how much she knew her brother, how natural his movements and gestures are until she saw them collapse in front of her.
"And I... I set him up with someone else!"
She may be at her most confused and not understand what her brother means by everything he is talking about. She may feel desperate for wanting to make him feel better, but she catches him in a quick, anxious hug anyway when his weight finally falls squarely on top of her.
Tanjiro clings to his sister tightly. His face sinks into her chest and tears begin to dampen his clothes. But he can only cry. Cry and keep crying.
For how to explain to her... that the man he loves has slipped through his fingers again?
"I lost him Nezuko!" he says as a last choked sob, the meaning of which squeezes his soul and makes his heart writhe in pain "I lost Giyu again!"