Ah, good old deja vu.
Smack.
"Weeehhhh!? Norriii!"
It's been a while. How've you been?
Smack.
"Nnnnghhhhh!"
Good? Good.
My hand went back up, and as soon as it did, Uzume started squirming around desperately in my lap.
"W-Wait! Wait! Stop!" She cried out, "What did I even do now!? I was asleep! Asleep!"
I blinked at that, realizing that she was technically right.
When I got back home after that whole ordeal outside the junior high school, I walked straight up to this goddess' room, picked her up immediately, dragged her ass out here into the gardens, and started spanking her.
I didn't even explain anything; I just started going to town.
That's honestly just how natural this entire motion is at this point.
"That's fair." I admit after a moment of thought.
I set my hand down on her lower back as Uzume breathed out a sigh of relief.
Her ass was already red, of course, or else I would have put it there just to tease her.
By the way, as an aside, she's wearing this deep purple lingerie set, and I can't for the life of me figure out why.
It's not like she expected anyone to see her in it, right? So then why go through the extra trouble?
Trying to comprehend the inner workings of her head would give me a headache, though, so I'll just leave it at 'It's Uzume' and move on.
Doing so, I proceed to level a dry look down at the back of her head.
She can't even see my face at present, yet somehow, likely by pure instinct, her body started tensing up.
"So," I began, "when were you going to tell me some girl is running around with the Miyamoto name?"
It was now Uzume's turn to blink.
Her response? Just as eloquent.
"...Eh?" A confused noise, perfect.
My hand suddenly went back up into the air.
"Eh!? N-Nori, wait, hold on, I–"
And like a well-oiled machine, it came right back down on one of her cheeks.
Smack.
"EEEEEE! C-Come onnnn!" She cried, wriggling around in my lap, "Musashi didn't have any kids! I don't know what you're talking about!"
My hand stopped halfway, as my eyebrow raised in its place.
"Oh?" I hummed, "Interesting…So the name Zekka Miyamoto doesn't ring any bells?"
"None!" She denied, exasperated and more than slightly panicked, "We watch all the families, from mystic to martial, and we especially keep close tabs on the legendary family lines! If his line existed, we would have watched over it!"
I click my tongue, "You're positive about that? That he didn't start a family?"
"I never said that he didn't have a family." Uzume stressed, "He did adopt some kids, and he had students, but he never passed on his genes!"
I furrowed my brow at that, ready to open my mouth and ask how that changed anything, but Uzume beat me to the punch.
"And before you ask!" She begins anew, "Those kids he adopted also died before they could start families of their own!"
I couldn't help but wince at that.
Still, I had to ask.
"And you're sure he didn't father a kid with, like, a courtesan or the like?"
Uzume snickered, "I don't think you understand, Nori, that guy…he wouldn't do anything like that."
"...Was he gay?" I asked reflexively.
Uzume wheezed so hard she damn near fell off my lap, "No, n-no…hah, quite the opposite. He, and those damn swords both, were both supermassive perverts. Obsessed with breasts for some reason, can you believe it?"
Huh?
Wait.
Obsessed with breasts?
The fucking what.
"Why?" I asked, utterly flabbergasted.
Uzume shrugged, as much as she could anyway, "I don't know. Regardless, it ended up with the guy having this sort of stigma around him in the past." Uzume continued explaining, "As time went on, though, that bit was pretty much forgotten, buried under all his accomplishments and such. But…yeah."
Yeah fucking nothing!
What the hell is wrong with this world!?
Wait a second, let's back up here.
"You mentioned 'those damn swords' as well, what was that about?"
Uzume gave a nervous chuckle, "Ah, right. That would be his Sacred Gear. A pair of swords called Eden's Dual."
…Eden? As in, the Garden of Eden?
And just like that, realization struck me.
That feeling I sensed, that divine power that reminded me of a holy relic, it was a Sacred Gear, but not a relic.
No, a person, a pair of people. The first humans that were created by the big, sometimes angry guy upstairs.
The First Man and the First Woman.
I frowned.
The First Man and the First Woman.
…I can't say their names.
I know who they are. Who doesn't know the story of the Garden of Eden?
It's just like how I can't say the big guy's name anymore.
Yet somehow, I doubt this is related to me specifically. It's far more likely He sealed their names away when he stuffed them in the gear. Maybe that's their punishment for eating the fruit here?
If so, that's wild.
And Musashi had them as his Sacred Gear?
Somehow even wilder. I know he's wanked to high heaven and back in these kinds of worlds, these kinds of stories, but still, damn.
But of course, the titty god author had to go and ruin them by making Musashi, and the first humans, boob-obsessed perverts.
I wish I were shocked, but truly, I sort of felt it coming a mile away.
…At least Zekka seemed like a good girl, if a bit shy and socially stunted. Not a hint of titty obsession on her from, albeit, what little I saw of her thus far.
"Well, that answers another thing for me, then." I speak up with a sigh, "Pretty sure the new girl has his Sacred Gear along with his name."
Uzume freezes at that, before she slowly slumps, letting out a groan, "It's fine, it's fine." She begins to try convincing herself, "That gear lost the second sword centuries ago, it's still strong, but at least it's not a Longinus Level Threat, so it's fine you didn't know where it ended up until now…" Uzume trails off, muttering incomprehensibly to herself.
Somehow, I'm also not shocked she lost track of the gear.
Also, as if I needed further proof that Zekka girl is some sort of protagonist, there it is.
Her family name already made that likely, but add potential Longinus Class Sacred Gear to the list, and that practically guarantees it.
Uzume begins to slowly curl up into a fetal position, still rambling on, but at this point, I can't say I need much more out of her.
So I'll leave her be, running my fingers through her silky smooth purple hair just to give my hands something to do as I think.
About what exactly?
Well.
Now that I know all this, I'm probably going to have to keep far more of an eye on the situation than I originally thought.
The girl's family made her important. A Sacred Gear like that on top of that? Oh yeah, someone, somewhere, is likely after her.
Someone being after her would also likely explain why Uzume and the Pantheon as a whole didn't even know she existed. Her family was hiding her, or just hiding in general.
And I mean, come on, one of her swords has already gone missing! My bet is someone in the past took it, and whoever they are, they likely won't settle for just half a Longnius Sacred Gear.
They're going to want the full thing eventually, and they're probably going to start something to get it.
I internally groan at the thought, my other hand reaching up to run a hand through my hair as I huff.
The question then becomes, Who did it? Who took the sword? Who am I supposed to suspect is coming?
My knee-jerk reaction is the Hero Faction, but I annihilated their leadership, and I don't think they survived after that. The Khaos Brigade as a whole is still around, though, yet I haven't heard them doing much of anything lately.
Even down in the Underworld, beyond backing Kokopuffs, I mean.
Which means there's most likely a new threat abound.
Fuck me.
This is one of the rare times when I think I truly wish I hadn't died when I did. I wish I had finished the entire original set of light novels and had even the chance to see where the hell these characters and events are coming from.
It's odd, though, now that I'm thinking about it…
I look down at the still-blubbering Uzume in my lap.
I never really get that feeling about certain other characters or events, even though I never saw or heard of them from the source material either.
Uzume here, for instance. My mother. Takamagahara. Izanami and Yomi, and so on.
Weird.
Probably best not to dwell on that, though.
I stand up, picking up and carrying the goddess that was once on my lap under my arm.
One last thing I need to dwell on, though.
That little pink-haired brat called herself Avi.
I have heard her name before, her full name.
Avi Amon. Shirone told me about her way back before Odin visited Japan, around the time when I was collaborating with the clans and the youkai, planning his visit and tour and all that.
It was rather offhandedly, and I recall considering checking out what she was all about back then, but events of that time sort of pushed that stray thought to the back of the list, so to speak.
Shirone had described her as my number one fan, but somehow, I doubt that's accurate if she couldn't even recognize me.
…That, or I can add 'forgetful' to Avi's personality index, and I can kind of see that being the case, considering what little I've seen of her thus far.
She was like the opposite of Zekka, and I get the feeling she had a good head on her shoulders, so Avi not being all there?
Well, it checks out at least.
Regardless, to say my interest in her had waned would be an understatement.
Or, rather, my interest is now invested in bullying the little brat because she called me old.
That is assuming we even run into each other again, of course.
I don't doubt we will, though. It's pretty likely she'll latch onto Zekka for plot reasons or what have you, considering how they met, even if I were there.
So~! I won't have to worry about that! I will have my revenge!
Eventually.
And I'm not sure how yet, but I will!
In the meantime, though, I make my way back toward the main house, carrying Uzume along for the ride.
I'm going to throw her in her room, let her settle, and as I do that, I'm going to help Rose plan for Schwert's eventual return.
I don't mean help with planning a training plan, oh no, Rose has that covered. I'm talking about a sort of 'successful first day of school' after-party type of planning.
And, well, if it was a bad day, then the party becomes more like a cheering-up party, rather than a celebratory one.
Rose is very keen on making sure Schwert has a proper education, and having at least a good time while she's at it.
I can only wonder why, huh?
So as soon as I had put Uzume away, Rose and I got to work for the rest of the day.
Thankfully, come the time school got out and I went to pick up Schwert, her day had gone rather plainly, according to her anyway.
As it would turn out, her appearance was sort of overshadowed by a certain other girl, who had made her entrance by somehow jumping into her second-story classroom via a window from outside.
As said, though, Schwert didn't seem to mind.
I couldn't stop myself from cackling for the rest of the night, though.
Beyond that first day, nothing of note happened for a little while.
A day after the first, two, three, until nearly a week had passed.
By this point, Uzume had gotten herself together enough to go tell my mother what was going on and explain why I was going to be a little late visiting now.
According to Uzume, she accepted it, though Uzume herself didn't accept the spanking Ama gave her for letting the girl slip through her fingers for so long. Well, that, and her gear.
I didn't exactly know what to expect next, but I can sure as hell say I didn't expect what would.
~ A New Sun ~
The evening sun was getting lower and lower in the sky as I lay around on the couch, thoroughly breaking in my new phone with a whole lot of texting.
Well, I say texting, but there weren't many words going around.
More like pictures.
A lot of pictures.
Right now, it was mostly between the Youkai girls and me; the others were busy, or Rose, and were thus way too shy to do such a thing.
Understandable.
What is also understandable is that I was a bit too preoccupied staring at my phone to notice anything going on around me.
Why would I? It's not like anyone is going to appear in the middle of the living room around this time-
A Norse magic circle sprouted up in the middle of the living room.
I turned my head, slowly, robotically, toward it, and blinked slowly.
One of my hands let go of my phone to pat my body down.
Good. I'm still wearing my robe. Thank fucking me.
I was triply sure of that, thanks once said magic circle deposited three girls in my living room instead of just one.
See, ever since her first day, Schwert figured out how to teleport herself between here and the school, Kuroka and Rose modified the barrier and such to let her do so.
That didn't stop her from bringing people with though.
But my little phone time here certainly stopped me from realizing she got out of school at this time.
With a click of a button, my phone screen went dark as Schwert's almost immediately approached me.
I didn't even get to ask who her friends were, even though I already knew, before she spoke plainly.
"They aren't my friends, they just really wanted to see you for some reason."
And with that simple statement, Schwert gave an annoyed huff and walked off.
…Well, alright then!
As she walked away, the two girls behind her were revealed to my sight.
I already knew who they were, of course, I could sense them as soon as they appeared, but I couldn't see with Schwert right in front of me.
Now, though, I could.
Zekka stood there, looking around like a fish that jumped out of water a week ago and was suffocating horribly.
Avi though? She winced, her head craning briefly in the direction of the artifact room, likely where she felt the immense holy spirit aura of several artifacts and weapons sitting around.
Whatever she felt, though? That faded immediately as she turned toward me and promptly pointed.
"Yoouuuuuu!" She exclaimed!
I pointed my thumb toward myself, "Meeee?" I exclaimed back mildly, eyebrow raised.
Zekka gave a nervous chuckle, but beyond that, stood stock still and said nothing.
Undeterred, the pink-haired invader stepped forward, "You weren't Zekka-chan's cold older brother at all!" She continued, accusatory.
I glanced past Avi, toward Zekka, "...You only just now managed to tell her?"
Zekka sighed lowly, "She wouldn't give me much of a chance."
That much figures.
I turned my gaze back to Avi, "Is that all that came here about? Kind of weird, ya know."
Avi shook her head vehemently, walking straight up to the couch, all the while she was fishing around in the small shoulder bag she was carrying.
She pulled out a phone, and with a speed that somehow both amused and scared me, went through it, quickly finding what she needed, before shoving the screen nearly right into my face.
"That's you, isn't it!?" She pointed at the screen with her other hand whilst exclaiming.
What was on her screen?
A static shot of me, shockingly enough. During my fight against the rampaging red dragon, back when Issei went Juggernaut Drive.
Specifically? It's the shot of me getting my clothes blown off by a dragon aura bullet.
I narrowed my gaze at the screen for a moment before looking back at her face, "Out of all the screenshots you could have taken, why that one?"
"So it is you!" Avi accused, completely dodging my question, "Why didn't you say anything the other day, huh!?"
I deadpan stared at her, "You didn't ask for my name, you shrimp, you just assumed I was Zekka's brother or dad."
Avi blinked at that, "Oh." She gave, realizing, before she suddenly pulled away, "Alright! You have me there! Eheh! My bad!" She bowed, sincerely.
Man, what a switch-up, huh?
Meanwhile, poor Zekka was looking around like she was trying to find a way to escape.
She wouldn't be able to find one, at least not before Avi could do what she did next.
"Anyway!" Avi abruptly went down on her knees, slamming her head onto the ground as she did a full kowtow straight from standing position, "Kusanagi-sensei! Zekka-chan and I humbly request your aid!" Avi exclaimed adamantly.
Zekka perked up, letting out a panicked squeak, "Ah!? U-Uh, Avi-senpai, I…" She trailed off, like she wanted to say something, but couldn't.
Meanwhile, I'm just lying here wandering…
When the hell did I become a sensei!?