"Why are you looking down?"
Padma slides beside me during lunch.
"Look, it is fine if you weren't able to convert the matchstick into a needle. Not everyone can succeed like me. Don't beat yourself over it."
"Yeah sure." Talk about self-praise, "You barely managed to change the colour."
"It also got a little pointed from one end. And it was much better than yours."
"Everyone's was much better than mine. Not an achievement."
"Doesn't matter. A win's a win."
"Sure. And that isn't a problem. My problem is that we have double potions now."
"Ah, right. But Snape isn't that harsh on Ravenclaw for you to worry so much."
"Maybe. But I just am. Hey, can I pair up with you for potions class?"
"Sorry, I already promised someone else."
"Okay, I'll ask someone else."
We quickly finish our breakfast and make our way to the dungeons.
As I look around for a partner, I finally see my saviour.
So I take the seat beside them.
"What?" I reply while taking out my books, "I am doing this class with you."
"Okay." Dora replies, "Just try not to get on Snape's bad side."
"Too late." I look at her and say. "I am pretty sure I already am. Which means, by extension, you are as well for today."
I see eyes widen in realization, but too bad for her that everyone is already paired up, so she's stuck with me.
As Dora is lamenting her fate, Snape enters with the characteristic flair to his robe.
'How does he do that? Will he teach me if I ask him?'
He starts with rollcall, and when he comes to my name, he pauses, but continues without any comment.
The potion recipe for today is pretty simple; it just has many steps. Instead of diving headfirst into it, I first divide the work with Dora, and go over our workflow once so that we don't make any mistakes.
Dora was getting a bit jittery when Snape walked by and stood behind us when we were discussing, but he soon got distracted by an idiot who got splashes on himself.
After 15 minutes we started our work. The potion had a lot of ingredients, and dividing the work beforehand helped as we were the only group that didn't fail our first attempt. Snape gave us a nod after checking our potion and then went on to berate other students.
'I am glad this is a teams class, otherwise my potion might have failed at the wand-waving part.'
"Planning to take a nap now that you are done?" Snape says as we relaxed, "If you have time to waste, why don't you try to brew it individually to see if it was a mere fluke you succeeded?"
'Why do I tempt Murphy?' I look up at the ceiling to lament my fate, and ask God, or perhaps Merlin or Morganna.
Not like I can back out, so I move to another workbench and start work.
'I honestly don't know how these kids are failing. The book details every step, all you have to do is follow them. How do you fail at that?'
I wonder if I was this much of an idiot when I was 11 while cutting some root.
'Nah, I was definitely better than these dunderheads.' I conclude with a shake of my head.
As I was thinking of how to get around the wand-waving portion, I see from the corner of my eye Dora's potion rising up.
I hurriedly move there and lower the heat beneath the cauldron.
Unaware of it all, she is busy giggling away as Snape is berating another group for their foolishness.
I tap her shoulder and finally pays attention, and then, an idea strikes me.
"I just saved your potion and from getting you an earful from Snape. So in return you help me with the wand-waving."
"That's not a problem, but where's your wand?"
"I forgot."
She looks at me as if she doesn't believe me, but that's the excuse I am sticking with. So at the end, she just helps me when I need her and by the end of class, we have both one more potion ready.
'Now that I think about it, I just had to wave my wand, not cast a spell. So maybe it would've been fine?' No use thinking about it now.
Snape gives Dora's potion one look, nods and then moves to mine, and starts listing out all the ways I messed up like adding the fangs a minute earlier, or taking the cauldron off heat a couple seconds late and how the colour was off.
All while mine was the closest colour to what was described in the books. The bastard even gave me extra homework to 'compensate for my mediocrity'.
Feeling annoyed after the class, I go out for a walk to get some fresh air. And when I say fresh, the air feels purer than on the mountains here. Like I was breathing the premium air.
Walking around the grounds has become my new pastime, along with wandering the halls of the castle. It feels nice. To be away from….. everything. Even if for a while.
After the sun goes down, I make my way back to the castle. I enter the library and pick up a book from one of the shelves and sit down in a quiet place.
As I am engrossed in my book, another person slides in the chair in front of me.
"What new spell are you reading about this time?"
"Not a spell. It's an encyclopaedia about magical creatures." I show her the cover.
"It's the same one we have for our course."
"No, the name is same, but the volume is different. The one in our course only talks about x and xx classified ones. This one talks about xxxx ones."
"Aren't they dangerous?" Hermione speaks in shushed tones and then widens her eyes, "Don't tell me you're planning on going to the forbidden forest to see one."
"No, I am not. A good idea, but I don't want to risk my life again so soon. I am just reading it cause it's fun."
She drops the topic after that and focuses on her own book. We both read in silence, each engrossed in their own world. At one point, it crossed me- is this like the book version of friends sitting together but scrolling through their phones?
'Food for thought.'
Dinner was a simple affair, after which we all went back to our dormitories. The common room was filled with children, but I decided to catch up on some sleep and went to bed early.
*Lumos*
After waiting for a few seconds, I put the wand on the bedside table and pull the covers above my head.
"Why is there no seatbelt on this thing?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Sigh~ nothing."
Today was the flying class, and I still have no clue why is no one afraid of falling from this crappy broom. This part was much easier when I wasn't worried about my life, now though, I don't think I want to even get on this thing.
Madam Hooch arrived on the field and told us all to get in the air and... do whatever we want.
I was stunned for a few seconds before realizing this was like the games period.
"And Ansh, for you," She looks at me, and I remember the stuff she had me do in the previous classes. "For today, no extra training for you. Just fly."
I wipe away the imaginary sweat from my forehead. I am trembling thinking about getting up in the sky here, and if she had me do dodge stuff now, I would've cried, I think.
As everyone gets on their broom and takes to the sky, I look down at the broom in my hands, unsure of this.
"Hey Ansh, you want to race with us?" One of the kids from Ravenclaw asks me.
"Nah, I'm good. Maybe next time." No way I am going fast on this thing.
'I don't even know if I'll fly at all. All the spells have failed, how is flying any different?'
I hesitantly put my legs on either side of the stick, and praying to all the Gods I know the name of, push.
….And feel the normal force become 0.
'I…. I am flying.'
I look in wonder, scaredness, terror, and dare I say, a spark of excitement, as my feet hover a few feet above the ground.
"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" Padma comes beside me and asks.
"I am flying," I say with the biggest grin on my face. "I AM FLYING!"
"Okay, no need to shout it. All of us can see that."
I don't care about any looks right now, this feeling tops them all.
I start to ascend slowly, the broom responding somehow. I go higher and higher, till I reach the height other kids are at.
Keeping my grip tight on the broom, I move forward, going slow and enjoying the moment. Feeling the air in my face, all the way up from the ground, is freeing.
That's all I do, go around the field in circles at a slow pace, just enjoying the feeling of flying.
'I wonder how much one of these costs?'
Before I knew it, Madam Hooch whistled, signalling the end of the class and I reluctantly descend to the ground.
"Nice flying out there. Controlled, stable. But from next time, we are getting back to those drills." Madam Hooch tells me as I land.
If this were before, I would've made some excuse, looked for a way to get out of it. Now?
"Can't wait."
"Finally over." I put my bag over to the side and plop down on the bed.
Sitting the class, doing nothing exhausts me more than anything. More so, the fear that the Professor will finally point out my inability to perform magic is a constant threat. Thankfully, they seem to be letting it go now, but for how long?
I have to find some way to cast magic. Or this time it will end for real, and badly at that.
'But what can I do, I've tried every night to cast that damn lumos and it refuses to work. I even tried Padma's wand, just in case mine was broken, and still no effect.'
Maybe I should just pick one of the subjects that don't require magic. Herbology is nice, and even potions. Or maybe astronomy. If I have an interest in these subjects, it doesn't matter if I can't perform well in others.
'Ah, who am I kidding, I'll fail in all the other subjects before that.'
Seeing no solution, I do the only thing that comes to mind- Sleep.
'Better take a quick nap now. Don't want to sleep during the astronomy class later tonight.'
------
"See, here is the thing about naps. They tend to often cross the boundaries the time, without you even realising."
"So you want to say that you slept the whole afternoon." Padma thinks for a moment then concludes.
"Yeah, you got the point." I say, stuffing some mashed potatoes in my mouth.
'I am honestly getting bored by this food. There are a dozen different spices in the world, and they barely use 2 of them- salt and cinnamon.
'I can't believe I'm missing the mess food from college.' What have the days come to.
"So what did you do?"
"Completed my assignment on transfiguration. Read up on charms for next week and then played wizarding chess with..."
Listening to her telling about how she won the game, all the strategies she used and all, it helps me. These conversations, the mundane ones, make me feel like I am really here. I know it should be clear by now, and it is. But still, sometimes I feel like…. An outsider. This useless chit-chat is the one that makes me feel like I belong here, even if slightly.
"You should play with me sometime, I'll crush you."
"Sure." I reply, "Just don't cry when you lose badly."
"Oh sure, we'll see who ends up crying after losing. I can defeat you in 10 moves. Oh wait, in less than 10 moves. If I have to use more on someone like you, then I may as well give up."
"No need for that. Losing to a champion is not a matter of embarrassment. Just a lack of skill."
After this back-and-forth, we retreat to the common room where a grand battle takes place.
"No way!"
"Now now" I pat her shoulder, "As I said, no need to be embarrassed. Just make sure you get me those 3 ice-creams from Florean Fortescue's later."
"No, one more match."
"It has been 3 games already, what makes you think this will go any different?"
"You cheated."
"I did not. How can you even cheat in chess?"
"I don't know how, but you did."
"I don't care. I only care about my ice-creams. Don't forget them."
"No, the deal is off since you cheated."
"Oye! This is not fair. You don't get to back out."
"Oh really, but I just did. Bite me!" She sticks her tongue out at me.
I lunge at her, my mouth open wide. She gets away.
"What are you doing?"
"Biting you. If I am not getting my ice-cream, then I'll just eat you."
"Eww! You're gross." She makes a face as if disgusted.
"Gross enough to win 3 rounds."
"Keep dreaming." She throws one of the cushions at me.
"Hah, weak." I catch it. "Just like your game."
"Say whatever you want, you are not getting any ice-cream."
"Fine." I say, throwing the cushion aside. "Then I'll just annoy you till you I do get them. And holidays are lonnggg~"
After that, we pass time till it is time for astronomy class.
And one thing I can say with confidence, the stars are absolutely beautiful. With pollution covering the skies, I could barely see them before. Now, it's like those movies where you look above you and see this river of stars. Somehow, magic made them shine so clearly that I just want to keep staring at them. Get a bed out and sleep under the blanket of stars.
This is my favourite class alongside flying. I wonder if I can come here outside of class hours. Just once a week feels so less.
After class, we all retreat back to our rooms, feeling sleepy.
But I am feeling full of energy, because of my afternoon nap. So instead, I decide to wander the castle.
Risky I know, but what's the most that can happen- detention with Snape.
Worth it for wandering these halls at night-time.
'This wouldn't be a problem if I could cast the disillusionment spell.'
But a man's gotta work with the tools in hand, so I leave the common room empty-handed.
'Now, let's go that way.' I pick a random direction and start walking aimlessly. The whole aim here isn't to go somewhere specific, but to just wander. Why? Because I can.
'The castle feels like a haunted house at this time.' I think as I take the stairs to wherever they take me. 'But there are real ghosts here, so does it make an actual haunted house?'
"What is a student doing here at this hour?" One of the portraits asks me.
"Oh, what kind of question is that?" Cuts in another portrait, "He is enjoying the thrill of exploring Hogwarts at night."
"But kids should be in their beds by now. This is against the rules."
"Shut it." The portrait snaps at the other one. "Not everyone is boring like you. Not a single adventurous bone in that body of yours."
'Is this also a form of immortality? What's the difference?'
I leave them to their bickering and get out of there before their noise brings Filch over. I realise I have reached the library. And without a second thought, I get inside.
….Or at least try to. But I am stopped by my eternal enemy- locks.
'This was much easier with alohomora last time.'
Since I have no way to get in, I leave the area. And then it struck me- The mirror of erised should be somewhere in the castle right now. Even if Quirrell is taken care of, the mirror might still be here.
And thus begins my search of the mirror, opening every room. I hope it is not in a locked room as Harry was able to get inside without the unlocking charm. And as I am searching for this artifact, I wonder about other artifacts or objects.
'There is that sword inside hat, was the diadem and locket something special? Will have to see if I can get a chance to get my hands on them. Wait, can there also be a magic lamp with a genie inside? I hope so, or would it be like Tom Riddle's diary, in which case it would be better to stay away.'
As I am peeking inside another room, a hand pats me on the shoulder.
I spin around calmly, not in terror, absolutely not. And there stands Snape behind me.
'Wow, the worst-case scenario.'
"What are you doing here so late? Couldn't sleep, maybe a few drops of draught of living death will help you?" Snape drones with his flat voice.
"Yeah, took a long nap in the afternoon." I decide there's no point in panicking. "And on the topic of that potion, a question just came to mind. Will a sleep potion have any side effects, like making you dependent on them?"
"The major side effect will be that you will be unable to ever wake up because you brewed a flawed potion. Now stop wasting time and get back to your dormitory before I start deducting points from your house."
'Wait, no punishment? That's weird, is it someone using Polyjuice potion?' I wonder and stare at Snape, trying to find any flaws. But I am hardly familiar with the guy, no way for me to identify even if it is a fake. So I drop that thought and make my way back to the dorms, all the while Snape following me from behind.
"Where are you going?" Snape questions me after we have been wandering for 15 minutes or so.
"To the dorms." I reply, and he looks as if he is ready to take his wand out. "I don't really know where I am in the castle right now, so I am tracing my steps back the way I came." I clarify before he snaps. Then after looking at the empty space where the stairs should be, I admit "Though I make have taken a wrong turn somewhere. This is my first night stroll, so I am not really used to navigating the castle at night. Will get better with practice."
I finish with a smile, but the look on Snape's face is hard as stone. No reaction other than the twitching of an eyebrow slightly.
"Follow me." He says and starts walking in another direction.
He silently walks ahead, and I make sure to keep my mouth shut. I have pushed my luck enough for one day.
We reach the familiar bronze knocker, and he answers the riddle without wasting a second.
"Don't let me catch you wandering so late again." He advises? threatens? Then walks away, probably to catch other students.
'Tomorrow's a Quidditch match. I should go and see what the game's about.' With plans made for the next day, I hit the bed.
//////////////////////////////////////
A/N: Longer than usual, but I got into the flow so~. And they didn't feel nice when I broke them into 2 separate chapters, so here you go.