A/N: The contents of this chapter may not be suitable for all audiences. Please read at your own discretion. (gaslighting, manipulation, abusive language)
Though Alesha was confident her rebuttals of Rogork's claim (that she was a terrorist) were flawless, its next words made her think that her confidence came too soon.
[If terrorism is done in order to coerce someone into doing something through fear, then your actions most definitely count. My dear, sweet, naive Alesha, why do you think Zorhellian held the Soul Harvest Story in that world?]
[Do you think it was merely for the purpose of entertaining the Patrons of his Storytelling Games? No, cupcake, as I'm certain Udon the Beast Succubus warned you during your first summoning, Zorhellian is a crafty, cruel demon whose intentions have layers within layers. There is no way the Soul Harvest Story was simply what it appeared to be. The odds of destroying a world through its own people being an act of terrorism to pressure some entity into doing something are far, far greater than not.]
Alesha wanted to protest. She really did. However, Rogork gave her no opening to do so as it immediately continued to strip down her argument with ruthless thoroughness.
[As for Iritia, that one is even clearer. Krogor is an outlying existence with the ability to grow to a third of the size of Old Earth in the span of half a second. Alesha, I'm sure even you can deduce that destroying the planet Elantris in one go would have been simple for such a monstrous being. Why, then, would Krogor have attacked Faxton as if he were any common dragon? What purpose could that have possibly served?]
[Terrorism, plain and simple.]
[Your actions, my dear, sweet child, only served as a supporting actor to that terrorism. Intentional or not, because of you, Iritia became another city wiped out by strange, supernatural phenomena out of nowhere, among a series of similar such cases.]
[For an empire whose very foundations are built on the near-worship of science, is there anything more terrifying than the inexplicable? Everything in the Human Alliance -- culture, economics, political stability, social balance, atheism, and more -- depends on the absolute immutability of scientific reasoning.]
[What happens when science suddenly fails, and the government can do nothing in response? Mass panic. Even better, due to their own stubbornness, the Human Alliance can't even counter this terrorism by exposing their own secret involvement with magic. Not after thousands of years of lying to their people and building their empire on the public denial of everything that couldn't be explained with scientific laws.]
She wished that she could cry. Or that Cecilia would wake up, forcing Rogork to be quiet.
Instead, Cecilia continued to sleep, and Rogork viciously rubbed salt into her wounds.
[You claim to be a good person. You claim to be a normal human, someone who can live in harmony with society. But I know the real you.]
[Alesha, you are a beast, a murderer, a terrorist.]
[A monster.]
[Abandon all your delusions about being normal. You, like a beast, have chosen to do anything required of you to survive.]
[And like a beast, you have no place among human society.]
SHUT UP!! Alesha mentally roared at the System. She couldn't deal with this right now.
Thinking about all she'd been through, and all she'd done because of her circumstances, made her angry. Angry at Rogork, who was the direct yet frustratingly intangible cause of most of her misfortunes -- including almost all of the choices she was now being condemned for. Angry at the chaos dragon Krogor, whom Rogork claimed had been the one to attack Faxton. Angry with the chaos demon Zorhellian for his sadistic Games, especially how they'd forced her to change; and angry at the Goddess Toltura, who was the mastermind behind all of it.
[You think Toltura cares about you?] Rogork mocked. [Toltura, the Goddess of Chaos, caring enough about a puny human to mastermind a sadistic scheme to toy with its life? She, who can't be bothered to remember which worlds she chose to spare and which she ordered her attack dog to obliterate? She, who is so flighty and changeable that even the other gods rightfully call her mad? She is an outcast among outcasts, one of the Verboten Gods, who is shunned by all for the danger inherent to her absolute unpredictability! And you imagine she cares enough about a random human like you to mastermind your downfall? Hilarious!!]
I don't believe you!! Alesha insisted.
[No, you're afraid of what would happen if I were right,] Rogork sneered.
[You're afraid that I'm being entirely truthful for once, and of what that would mean for your life.]
[You're so devastated by this impossibly unlucky string of back-to-back, worldview-shattering disasters, and how they forced you to adapt, that you created the illusion of a mastermind who's toying with you in order to cope with it! You couldn't bear the thought of all your misfortunes being entirely random. Since she's a Goddess, Toltura was the perfect scapegoat for you to project this fantasy onto. As long as you can blame someone for all your suffering, then your future won't seem so bleak, and you can confidently work towards a height you'll never reach. Tell me, Alesha Jane Williams, AM I WRONG?]
Furious, Alesha found herself unable to respond. What Rogork said simply penetrated too deeply into the heart of the matter for her to come up with any sort of counterargument.
It was true that she needed someone to blame.
It was true that her emotions were leading her to think illogically. Even now, her logic was simply being used to justify what she felt. She didn't want to be a monster, so she came up with reasons why she wasn't one.
But was that really true?
[Let me tell you this: there is no mastermind behind your suffering. Never was. No matter where you search in the universe, you will find no one who cares enough to torment you. Your misfortune is entirely random, your suffering entirely without purpose or meaning.]
You're wrong, Alesha denied, stubbornly refusing to trust Rogork's words. Gods exist, therefore they impact the world. Even if Toltura didn't mastermind my suffering intentionally, she is absolutely the root cause of it, no matter what you say. If she didn't exist, then Krogor, her servant, wouldn't have attacked Faxton, you wouldn't have attached yourself to me, and I would still be happily studying at Faxton University of Chemistry.
[Is that what you think?] Rogork mocked.
Yes! Alesha affirmed. The System's words had deeply shaken her, but she would still cling to that much. Was Toltura a scapegoat? Sure, why not. Whatever the case, Alesha knew that what had happened to her was not her fault.
Yes, what I've done could rightfully label me as a monster, a murderer and some kind of terrorist, she admitted. This time, her thoughts were not directed at Rogork, but at herself. But those are just labels. I've become who I am while trying to survive and make choices based on what I thought was right.
And that is what I'll always do. No matter how many times ridiculous situations force me to do things I don't want to do, no matter how much the 'Seed of Chaos' System tries to change me, I'll still fight.
[... Is that so?] Rogork asked, sounding displeased. It had, of course, been listening in on her thoughts.
Alesha was somehow glad to be used to this, because it enabled her to respond calmly.
Yes, she replied, a little more firmness in her mental voice. I won't let you dominate me. I will do what I need to do to survive, but don't you dare assume that means you own me. I am neither your puppet nor your toy. I'll find a way to get rid of you someday, and when that day comes, you'll be forced to admit that I am not someone you could control!