"Yo, Ino!" Sakura called out cheerfully, spotting a familiar trio heading her way as she was heading to work. "Long time no see! Still as flat as ever, eh?"
"You've got some nerve calling me a flat, ugly washboard, Cow-Tits!" Ino growled as she stormed over, with Shikamaru and Chōji trailing behind. "When are you planning on giving me back my breasts, huh? My dates either ghost me after one time out or call me a damn catfish!"
Ino jabbed her index into Sakura's chest, but the fact that it went boin~ only made her angrier.
Ever since Sakura had accidentally drained her breasts along with Nanashi's, Ino's chesticles had never recovered. Her Nyūmyaku— the Breast Vein, the pulse of life force that connects every woman and causes their breasts to grow— was completely severed.
Whoopsie.
Unlike her original timeline self, this Ino dressed much more conservatively, foregoing the purple crop top to keep her original style from two years ago. And was it just Sakura, or was Ino's cheeks looking slightly plumper than normal? If she'd been stress eating, then it was definitely showing…
Flat and fat— not a winning combination.
"Lady Tsunade wanted to see the both of us," said Shikamaru, watching on with unusual interest as Ino grabbed Sakura and tried to rip off her breasts with both hands. "She's waiting for us in the Hokage residence's conference room…"
Crunch… crunch…
One after the other, Chōji popped crisps into his mouth in quick succession.
"Leggo, Ino-pig!" screeched Sakura, grabbing Ino's wrists in return. "They're sore enough as it is— oi, Shikamaru! Call off your ninja boar!"
Crunch… crunch…
Still shovelling crisps into his mouth, Chōji passed a bag of BBQ-flavoured ones to Shikamaru, who helped himself without taking his eyes off the spectacle unfolding in front of them for even a second.
"Who're you calling fat?!" Ino hissed, tripping Sakura and sending them both tumbling into the dirt in a tangled mess of limbs. "I'll show you!"
Sakura's reflexes had dulled a bit after so long away from active combat, and she hadn't expected Ino to suddenly grapple her and go for her weak spot— everything below her chest, just out of her line of sight.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch!" screamed Sakura, somehow ending up on her stomach, arms locked behind her back, head stuck between her breasts, and with Ino sitting triumphantly on top of her. "Quit pulling my hair— mmpfh!"
Ino shoved her head down, and just as Sakura was about to suffocate in her own chest, she tapped the ground with her open palm. Naturally, Sakura could have used Chakra Enhanced Strength to free herself, but breaking Ino's limbs for a playground-level fight seemed a tad overkill…
Ino let go of her.
"Heh, that'll teach you," said Ino triumphantly, as she pushed herself to her feet and looked down at Sakura. "Don't call me pig ever aga…"
Ino's voice trailed off.
Despite having won their little tussle, she felt a distinct sense of having lost as a woman. Even though Sakura was lying at her feet covered in mud and dust, she still somehow looked as sexy and glamorous as ever— her zip halfway undone, revealing the flushed cleavage underneath; her hot and bothered breathing, causing her chest to undulate; that cute-angry look in her eyes…
"You!" shouted Ino angrily.
Ino aimed a light kick at her ribs, but this time, Sakura was ready— though still a bit dizzy from oxygen deprivation. Sakura's eyes flashed crimson, and just as Ino's foot was about to connect with her sides, she caught it and swept Ino's other leg out from under her, sending her crashing down on top of her.
Her Taijutsu was a bit rusty, but she still had it in her... eh?
Caw… caw… caw… A lone crow cried overhead.
Naruto and Sasuke Kiss.jpg
"You… you fat-chested bitch!" Ino sobbed as they scrambled apart. "You weren't happy with just taking away my chest— you had to steal my first kiss too!?"
Sakura's face burned as she touched her lips with the tip of her fingers.
The first (and second) time she had ever full-on kissed someone was when Karin had performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her. But that didn't really count, did it? Both of those times, she hadn't been fully conscious, and Karin's mouth had been full of her own blood…
And speaking of which…
Sakura felt a shiver run down her spine. It felt as though someone were watching her…
"All right, enough messing around!" said Sakura feverishly, rapidly rattling off words one after the other as she jumped to her feet. "We shouldn't keep Lady Tsunade waiting! Let's go!"
…
Still, Sakura felt bad for Ino.
The only Naruto film she had ever seen being The Last: Naruto the Movie, she knew Asuma's daughter would be born some time before then. When that time came, she'd try her hand at breastfeeding the newborn baby (though nothing would come out) to awaken her motherly instincts, allowing her to unleash the full potential of Breast Flow and maybe heal Ino!
Three years after the fact, Sakura had completely forgotten she had acquired the Poison Lactation ability, but luckily for Asuma's and Kurenai's unborn daughter, Sakura had already accidentally ridden herself of the toxins by performing a Purification Slash on herself two summers ago.
…
And a few minutes later, Sakura and Shikamaru were standing in front of Tsunade and two of the Konoha Council's Geezer Trio in the Hokage residence's meeting room.
"What in the world happened to you?" asked Tsunade, taken aback by Sakura's dishevelled appearance.
"My first kiss…" said Sakura dreamily, causing Shikamaru to snort.
Although the age of the internet had exposed Sakura to all sorts of lewd content, which had caused irreversible damage to her personality, she was still a bit of a cherry boy on the inside. Despite having already touched massive sets of honkers many times (which is all she'd really wanted from her previous life, but sadly, touching her own rarely made her heart race any more), it still made her blush to think of pure maidenly things such as holding hands.
"Is… is that how it is these days, with your generation…?" asked Tsunade, looking to the councillors for support. "Seems like a rather violent affair..."
Tsunade thought back to her pretty much inexistent love life.
As a princess, the closest contact with the opposite sex she'd ever had was giving Katō Dan a single kiss on the forehead. As a member of the Age = Number of Years Single club, she could scarcely remember how it was to be young and in love.
"Lady Tsunade?" prompted Sakura after waiting a few seconds for her to stop daydreaming. "You wanted to speak to us?"
"Eh?" said Tsunade absent-mindedly. "What were we talking about, again?"
With Sasuke out of the village, Tsunade struggled to think of any eligible men who might catch her disciple's interest. Sakura was a prize catch by any measure— just as she herself had been at that age— so it wasn't all that surprising she'd ended up accepting one of her many suitors…
…And now, Tsunade was stuck with a mental image of her precious disciple getting railed by some stranger every night. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd got lucky… hang on, had there ever been a last time!? Or a first, for that matter?
"Don't worry, my cute disciple," said Tsunade passionately, slamming her fist in her palm. "I'll beat up that boyfriend of yours. I'll teach them a lesson they won't soon forget about domestic violence…"
"Eh?" hiccoughed Sakura. "My Lady?! What are you talking about!?"
Since when did she have a boyfriend? She didn't remember getting one! Why was she the last one to learn about this!?
Unbeknownst to Tsunade, unless nothing changed soon, Sakura was already well on her way to Forever Alone Town… just like her. She had already bought the train ticket and everything.
"Ahem," coughed Mitokado Homura. "Might we get back to business?
"At this rate, we'll die of old age," grumbled Utatane Koharu.
If only, Sakura glumly thought to herself…