What would you do if your hot childhood friend turned up in your bed wearing nothing but a vest top and panties?
Shinji Ikari was a man.
A man with morals.
He wasn't one of those crazy perverts who'd end up masturbating over a sleeping girl, hell no.
He was a gentleman.
At least... That was the argument his conscious was trying to shove down his throat at seven thirty-three in the morning, after opening his eyes to literal boobs.
Forget morning wood. He was almost the victim of a morning knockout!
Have you ever seen those old cartoons, or even those anime that have the main protagonist, his conscious represented by an angel on one shoulder, and his desires or lust represented by a devil on the other?
Shinji's devil and angel side were currently in the midst of a war.
"If she wakes up, she'll castrate us! WITH OUR INTESTINES!"
"I'll castrate you with your damn halo, bitch boy. Look at that cleavage and tell me you don't fancy yourself indulging in some carnal desire."
"If it was Rei, I wouldn't be here thinking up my excuses to Saint Peter!"
"Oh, so because Rei wouldn't fight back, you'd go for it!? You sick fuck, abusing defenseless girls like that."
"N-n-no, I didn't mean it like that!"
As Shinji looked between the metaphorical representations of his subconscious, he was beginning to wonder who was the real devil in their midst.
"...nnnngghh... Shinjiiii~" Asuka groaned in her sleep. "izz cooollllllld. Hug me tighter, idiooot~."
All mental fighting immediately ceased. A treaty was instantaneously signed, and the borders had been drawn on the map.
Angel, Devil and Regular Shinji all shut up, nodded, and proceeded to do exactly what the redheaded demoness had ordered them to do. It may end in death and suffering, but in the end, you just can't run away from death.
All you can do is enjoy the chaos and carnage before the apocalypse turned the world upside down.
And is was just a hug for Christ's sake!
He hadn't had many opportunities to hug her. Sure, there had been times in the past, but he never forgot her sweet scent. He would never understand how girls could still smell like flowers, even after sweating it out in midsummer Japan in a bed with a dude who just jumped off the BO train.
But she just felt so soft. So warm. Her boobs felt fantastic as well, even if she was currently suffocating the poor teenage boy in an unconscious death hug into a well-endowed bosom.
But hey, if it was his time, he at least wanted to die in the softest pillow the world had to offer.
---
It was around eight twenty five in the morning.
Asuka was wide awake, her face redder than a traffic signal, looking down at the boy she called her childhood friend who she had apparently crushed in her sleep against her own body. Never mind she was in his bed wearing nothing but a vest hanging off one shoulder and her favorite pair of panties and-
"ohmygod WHAT WAS I THINKING!?"
This was slightly different to that one time she had tried waking him up with a kiss. At least then she had been slightly more modest, but right now, she was practically in the nude. Give or take two more moves, but she was more preoccupied with what excuse she was giving Shinji when/if he woke up.
It seemed like a much better idea last night, when she was mad at the world and was slightly very lustful for whatever reasons her pubescent hormones had decided.
Though it didn't look like he would be waking up anytime soon. Shinji was still snoozing away, a stupid grin plastered over his face as he dreamt of whatever it was teenage boys do.
"Bet it's boobs." Asuka mused with a grin as she poked him in the cheek.
"Shi~nji." She whispered his name in a sing-sing voice, albeit slightly riddled with nerves.
"Shinji~... Are you waking up~?" She continued to poke him, her heartbeat starting to pump faster. When it appeared the dreaming boy was still far away in an erotic dreamland, she went for it.
Turning him on his back, Asuka found herself on top of him, her face practically glowing with all the blood being pumped to her face.
"S-shi-nji... D-do-do-do-don't wake up prettypleaseokay." Her voice was trembling as she had the boy straddled to his own bed, her hands pushing her up from either side of his face as her orange hair fell over her shoulders and face, sparkling in the early morning sunrise.
"Please don't wake up..." She silently begged as she leaned in closer. She couldn't wait anymore. She gently pressed her lips to his, holding it for as long as she dared.
It felt like forever had just passed her by in the blink of an eye. Her own eyes were closed, and her pulse had been thumping so hard she couldn't hear a thing except for the sound of her own insanity.
So naturally, she didn't have a clue the bedroom door had opened behind her.
---
"This is impossible."
Misato Katsuragi glared up at her ceiling. Turning on her futon, she looked at her alarm clock.
The digital digits gleefully told her it was currently eight twenty five in the morning.
"You'd need all seven Dragonballs and summon Shenron to make this happen." She sat up in her bed, in her usual sleeping attire of vest and panties, much like a certain someone else, and scowled at the room around her.
She was awake early, on a Saturday. And not a hangover in sight.
"This cannot bode well." She thought to herself as she stood up, stretching out the kinks in her muscles. "This has got to be a bad omen of some kind."
"And I'm hungry too. Maybe I can drag Shinji out of bed and make me some breakfast, if he isn't already awake." Misato giggled as she entertained the thought of waking him up as she was dressed now. It was always funny to tease the boy, and it wasn't like she basically walked around showing as much skin as possible whenever she was at home anyway.
Walking out of her room, she tiptoed towards Shinji's door, an evil grin on her face.
"Time for your morning service Monsieur Ikari!" She opened the door, only to discovered she had been beaten by a certain other roommate.
Asuka Langley Soryu was straddling her prey, her mouth melded onto his, with what looked like no apparent intention of letting go.
By all rights, as their guardian, she should have got mad at Asuka for doing something so sneaky. But considering she was about to surprise Shinji with her own underwear show, Misato thought of an evil plan instead.
Tiptoeing back to her own room, she opened a drawer, rummaged around and found what she had been looking for. She grinned at her treasure, and tiptoed back to Shinji's room.
As suspected, Asuka was still preoccupied. Somehow, Misato had managed to get as close as she could to the bed and leant on her knees, holding the 'treasure' in between two fingers in front of her as she prepared to give the hormonal teenagers the shock of a lifetime.
"I think you might have forgotten something Asuka."
---
Have you ever heard that sound?
You know, the one that sounds like ringing in your ears after a bomb exploded nearby, or the occasional flash of temporary tinnitus that seems to pop into your life every now and again?
That was all Asuka could currently hear as she opened her shellshocked eyes, mouth still glued to Shinji's as she turned her face ever so slightly to see the 'adult' of the house, grinning like a madwomen, holding what looked very much like a condom package in between them.
"Whilst I don't exactly condone this kind of behavior, if you're going to do it secretly, at least be prepared for any unexpected consequences."
---
"I SAID I WAS SORRY ASUKA, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"
All Asuka could do was scream in retaliation to Misato's question as the apartment was once again turned into a warzone.
Due to some technical issues, Misato's administrator bracelet had been taken in for maintenance. So the purple-haired teacher was currently cowering in fear behind Mana and Rei as Asuka proceeded to firebomb everything in sight.
"Really Sensei. Waving a condom in front of her face probably wasn't the best idea in the circumstances." Mana chuckled as she raised her shields to the maximum, deflecting a fireball into Shinji's wardrobe, setting all of Shinji's clothes on fire.
"What I really want to know is why Soryu was in Shinji's room to begin with. I'll be sure to interrogate her once she has calmed down." Rei said nonchalantly as her shields were also raised, defending the stricken Misato as she watched her apartment burn in fire and fury.
Both Mana and Rei had come running out of their rooms when they heard Misato's cry for help as the whole apartment had shook. It was as though an earthquake had targeted just their floor as the walls blew dust throughout the damaged structure.
Because it was deemed an emergency, they had not had a chance to change, and Shinji had woken up to what could only be described as the war of the panties. Mana and Rei didn't even have the luxury of shirts. But at least Mana had a bra on...
Sitting on the remains of his bed, a deadpan expression on his face, Shinji firmly decided he was going to buy a lock for his door. And he was definitely having fish today, if not for every meal he'd have for the rest of his life.