She awoke several times in the night, fearing it was all a dream—that her brother had long been gone, that she had grown old. Yet, each time she saw her brother's frail face, her heart would settle in extraordinary peace, realizing her brother was still there, that she still had family, she still had her brother.
It was through such restless tossing and turning that she finally drifted into a sleepy haze as dawn approached.
Then, while still in a daze, the blanket was suddenly ripped off her, and a wave of cold air enveloped her, making her shiver instantly.
Before she could react, an explosive sound burst in her ears.
"Still not getting up to work? Eating for free all day long, what a waste raising you siblings. Which bad luck of mine brought me to toil for you day and night like an ox and horse?"
Qin Xiangnuan opened her eyes, staring blankly at Hu Li's face. The fear and confusion uncharacteristic of a child, deep like a pool, made Hu Li's heart skip a beat. Yet she raised her voice again and reached out to pull the child off the brick bed, dragging her onto the ground. Swearing all the while, "What are you looking at? Keep staring and I'll gouge your eyes out. Now get up and wash the clothes, do the dishes."
With a thump, Qin Xiangnuan fell onto the ground, hitting her head hard against the wardrobe. She neither begged for mercy nor cried.
These actions had been repeated by Hu Li countless times, but never once did she soften her heart towards Qin Xiangnuan, the child—regardless of her being only five years old, regardless of her still being a child.
She stood up, found her worn cotton coat and a pair of cotton shoes by memory, the heels of which were already worn through.
Stepping outside, the biting wind blew relentlessly against her petite frame, causing her to shrink involuntarily.
The farmhouse courtyard at this time was as she remembered. It was the early 1980s, where the lands had gradually become privatized. Village lands were divided per capita. The Qin Family had six members, each allocated around four acres. However, manpower was scarce, with only Qin Guohua to work the land. Over twenty acres was a strain for one person, so Qin Xiangyang, a youth and Qin Guohua's oldest child, had to join him in tending the fields. If not for Qin Xiangyang's ability to handle heavy labor, it was doubtful Qin Guohua would even feed him. Though his own child, Guohua had never been fond of him. He was more affectionate and loving towards the child Hu Li had brought with her, who not only looked good but was also smart. He was sure to get into university in the future, to bring glory to the Qin Family. So it hardly mattered whether the child was his own; what counted was promise.
As for Qin Xiangnuan, her mother died soon after her birth. Not long after, Hu Li entered the household and soon gave birth to a girl, Qin Xiangmei, who was less than a year younger. Qin Xiangnuan had scarcely tasted her mother's milk as a baby. Even though Hu Li had plenty of milk, she would rather dump it out than feed a drop to Qin Xiangnuan.
It was Qin Xiangyang who shared his own food to raise Qin Xiangnuan, in addition to the sparing aid from neighbors. In truth, the Qin Family had never truly raised her, something she always knew. But it was only upon returning to the past did she realize her memory was somewhat flawed.
The life she lived with her older brother was no better than that of pigs or dogs.