The living room was calm. Suspiciously calm.Until Alex opened his mouth.
"Okay, so… next artifact's in Los Angeles."
Instant regret.
The room exploded.
Deadpool slammed a frying pan on the counter like a sitcom mom in full meltdown mode."LOS ANGELES?! The city where dreams go to get drunk, vomit, and wake up in a D-list podcast?!"
Frenchie exhaled, deadpan. "Merde…"
Butcher leaned forward from his chair with a stare that could skin paint off a wall. "You're tellin' me, sunshine, we flew across the bloody world, punched a f***in' dragon in a cave like it was a deleted scene from House of the Bloody Dragon, got arrested in Manhattan, survived Jason's courtroom monologue of doom — and now, now we're flying headfirst into the armpit of America because your mystical Tamagotchi said so?"
Deadpool stepped in front of the imaginary camera."Oh no, he said dragon again. Quick shout-out to HBO for not suing us last time. We swear it was a different dragon. Ours had worse CGI."
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's just a clue—"
Butcher cut him off with a slow clap. The kind of clap you give to a kid who forgot his lines in the school play but still managed to trip off stage.
"Well done, mate. Really. You've officially dragged us from ancient history to Hollywood hell. What's next? We storm Disneyland for the Time Stone?"
"Actually…" Alex started.
"Don't." Butcher snapped. "I'll knock your teeth out with a Mickey Mouse glove."
Deadpool slid across the floor in socks and a feather boa."Don't worry, folks! If we're heading to La-La Land, I'll make sure to book us into a luxury suite that doubles as an abandoned meth lab. Just the right vibe for mystical artifact hunting. And bonus—if Alex screws up again, we can leave him there to get cast in a CW spinoff."
Alex groaned. "Guys, can we just—"
"NO." Everyone answered in unison.
Even Kimiko held up a sign.YOU OWE US A VACATION. OR A RESURRECTION.
Deadpool leaned against Alex, dramatically whispering,"Listen, champ. Every time you touch that glowy system of yours, a small part of me dies inside. And I'm literally unkillable."
Frenchie sipped his coffee. "We better find this artifact fast. Before Deadpool starts auditioning for local theater."
Deadpool snapped. "Too late. I'm already doing Hamlet in the airport terminal."
Butcher stood up, sheathing a knife that absolutely no one saw him pull out.
"Let's go before I change my mind and shove your mystical GPS up your—"
"Got it! Plane tickets. Moving. Gone. Let's go," Alex said, grabbing his bag mid-sentence and power-walking toward the door.
Deadpool skipped after him."Next stop: L.A., baby! City of sin, sun, influencers, and mysterious magical MacGuffins!"
He turned toward the fourth wall, pointing at the readers.
"You better buckle up, people. We're heading into a zone where reality is faker than my IMDb page. And trust me, that's saying something."