Holli strolled along the battlements with Cole; he was still holding her hand and also staring at it. At both their hands. She had loosened her grip to let go, but he'd only tightened his own. She wasn't sure about him; he was hard to read. He certainly wasn't a typical teenage boy, so applying what she knew of them to him didn't work.
"We can let go if it's weirding you out," she said.
He shook his head. "Your hand is soft, and warm."
"... Thanks. I use it to grab stuff with..."
She wasn't sure what to say to that. If he'd been a boy from her school, she might have thought he'd wanted to hold her hand because he was interested in her. But with Cole, she couldn't really guess at the motivation. It really could have just been as simple as her hand was soft and warm. She didn't think he had much guile. Or lied at all. As far as an interest in the opposite sex, she wasn't sure he was capable of that either. Which was a bummer; he was cute.
Holli had held hands with her boyfriend plenty of times, but those first few had always set butterflies off in her stomach. He had dumped her a few months later for another girl in their class; she had been devastated. He had been her first kiss. She had been so... ugh, after that. So self-conscious. Had she not been pretty enough? Not been affectionate enough? Not been... sexual enough? He had wanted to move faster than she had. She couldn't say why she was so reluctant.
The door on the tower nearby creaked open, and Cullen stood there, his eyes fixing on them in surprise. Then on their clasped hands. Holli shook her head, letting him know it wasn't what he was thinking.
"What are you two doing out here? It's freezing. Get inside," he ordered, gesturing for them to get into his office.
"What were you doing outside?" Holli asked as she passed by him.
"Fresh air," he replied. "Have a seat. I just had tea brought in."
The pair sat down on the chairs at his desk while he scrounged up a couple of extra cups. He poured a cup for Holli and then looked to Cole questioningly.
"Do you drink, Cole?"
"I can. But I don't need to."
"Like, at all?" She asked. "You won't die of dehydration?"
He shook his head.
"Don't want to eat just because things taste nice?"
"I haven't... tried much."
"Would you like to try some tea?" Cullen asked.
Cole looked at Holli, who was taking a sip of her own, and after a few moments, he nodded. Cullen poured him the tea and refilled his own cup.
"Why aren't you two in the Great Hall?" He asked.
"Getting away from the people," Holli replied.
Cullen could agree with the reasoning.
"How come you're holed away up here instead of celebrating your new boss?"
Cullen scoffed at the mention of his boss. He had no problem with the appointment, beyond the smartassery he was likely to receive from the man. He wasn't sure how Hawke was going to be received by some parts of the Inquisition. And the world at large.
"I have little time for celebration."
"Maybe you should make time. You need to loosen up," Holli told him.
"There is a man who would like to slob your knob," Cole told him, like it was a good thing.
Holli choked into her cup, splashing tea on her face and hand. Fuck, it burned. Cullens piercing gaze shot to her once the words sunk in.
"I wonder where he picked up that phrase."
Holli's eyes wandered anywhere but him. "Hmm, mystery, guess we'll never know," she muttered blithely. Cullen just stared. "Okay fine, but in my defence, I didn't know he was going to repeat it. And it was taken out of context."
Cullen folded his hands on the desk in front of them, sitting up straighter and reminding her far too much of a stern principal.
"Oh? What context would make that acceptable?"
"What context would you accept?" She asked, a hint of humour in her voice, but eyes wide and innocent.
"There isn't one," Cole leaned over slightly and whispered to her.
Holli tried to restrain her smile and could see a faint twinkle of amusement in Cullen's eyes as well.
"Thanks for the heads up," Holli whispered back.
"Finish your tea and off to bed with the pair of you," Cullen huffed, returning to the work he had in front of him.
"I don't sleep," Cole said.
"Aw, that must be an awesome power to have," Holli sighed out.
"I rather envy it myself," Cullen added.
"Maybe we could help you with your work," Holli offered.
He looked as if he was about to argue it before a thought must have occurred to him. "I'll turn it down tonight. But if you're serious, come back tomorrow, and I'll show you what to do. I could use an assistant or ten. So long as you're not needed in the infirmary."
"I'm still banned from using my magic," Holli told him.
Though she was learning how to treat people without the use of magic and had been trying to help Adan and Stitches come up with an anaesthetic, they were waiting for supplies to be delivered. Skyhold wasn't exactly easily accessible. But Josephine was intending to turn it into some kind of trading hub.
When she and Cole finished their tea, they bid Cullen goodnight, and he returned it, telling Cole to see Holli back to her room. A gentleman escorts a lady home. Cole absorbed the words with that serious expression of his, like he'd been charged with an important duty.
When they left Cullen's office, Cole took her hand again. It was cute. She warned herself not to read too much into it, but that didn't stop the faint fluttering in her stomach...
-
Holli spent a couple of days helping Cullen with his work; it wasn't too difficult; there was just so much of it. She could see why he was drowning in it, as well as trying to carry out his duties as an advisor and Commander of their army.
Now that she knew the written language, she could read it just as quickly as her native English and retain all the information she gleaned from it. Cullen could ask her a question, and she could answer it perfectly without even having to pull the report. He'd learnt to start trusting her answers after the first couple dozen times. By then she'd proven her perfect recall.
But after those couple of days, they were heading out. Hawke was taking them to Crestwood. Holli was coming along because they did have reports of rifts out there. Solas was confident that Holli would be sufficiently recovered to use her magic by the time they got there.
Cassandra had been sent back to the Crossroads with Iron Bull, Dorian, and Sera to see about getting those horses. The way to the Horsemaster was clear, and the horses had become a priority again.
Hawke was taking the rest with him. He expected they would be splitting up at some point—Holli touring around to close rifts in the area with enough people about to protect her, while he took the others to find Stroud.
Holli waited patiently at the gate for the rest of them. She had been in to speak with Mr. Loewe to let him know that when she returned from Crestwood, they would try again. He was clearly disappointed, but he tried to keep it to himself.
After that conversation, she headed outside to meet up with the others. It was a sunny day, of course still far too cold. It had somehow gotten out about her dislike of the cold, and she had found people making things for her. Hats, scarves, mittens, warm coats and cloaks, and boots. She was amassing quite a wardrobe, and she had no idea who it was all coming from since they were left like offerings for her outside of her room. She'd never actually found anyone doing the leaving. She did wonder if this sudden widespread knowledge of her dislike had something to do with Cole, but he had assured her it didn't. Still, she was grateful to everyone for the warm layers, given she'd lost a lot of her clothes in Haven.
Hawke and Fenris joined them, the last of the group to arrive. Hawke had dark circles under his eyes; most could be forgiven for thinking he was getting a jump start on his Inquisitorial duties with a few late nights. But mostly he stayed up late getting on the piss with Varric, the Chargers, and anyone else who happened to be nearby—much to Cassandra's disgust.
"Are we all ready?" Hawke asked.
Fenris shot him a look, a subtle way to call him on his bullshit, and Holli couldn't help the quiet snicker that escaped her.
She was a little keen to be back on the road again. Before the attack, they had done quite a bit of travelling. She complained about it, but the absence of it had grown stale after a little while.
The group made their way out of the gates, heading across the stone bridge. Almost immediately Holli was hit by a blast of arctic wind and tried to brace herself against it. Having Bull around to block it would have been nice. She manoeuvred her way around the others until she could use the group to block the wind.
She found herself walking beside Cole, doing a double take.
"Oh my God, Cole," she said. "That coat is fucking mint."
She hadn't seen him wear it before. It was obviously leather and very post-apocalyptic wasteland. She loved it.
"Mint?" He asked.
"Like, super cool. Awesome."
"Ah." He smiled at her then, just looking genuinely chuffed, and she couldn't help but return it.
Once they were over the bridge and a little more sheltered by the mountains and cliffs, she didn't feel so much like the weather was trying to assault her.
As they followed the well-worn roads, they came across groups of people. Varric would stop and talk with them; most of them were headed to Skyhold. They would have to be; there wasn't much else around here.
Sudden screaming had them all running towards the sound. All the rifts in this area were closed, she was sure. It shouldn't be demons.
When they rounded the bend, they found it was... people. People attacking people. Holli froze. She hadn't seen much of that since coming here. They weren't red templars or corrupted and brainwashed. They weren't the mages and templars fighting. It was people attacking a defenceless caravan. There were children!
While Holli had frozen, the others hadn't, charging in. Solas had been training her to fight. She had to help; she could help. She didn't want to attack people, but she could defend the victims.
Their band of merry men was outnumbered by the attackers, so Holli set to protecting people. She stuck to shields, keeping those cowering or trying to hide shielded with her magic. It was difficult, using her magic again. It hadn't fully recovered, and she'd had quite a break from using it.
There were injured; she could see a little girl crying over the body of a woman. Her mother? There was blood in the snow, bright red against the stark white.
Holli ran over, so focused on getting to the child and the—hopefully just injured—woman that she didn't see the man charging at her, sword mid-swing. It wasn't until Cole suddenly appeared, blocking the blow, that she noticed him. Cole moved quick, shucking the man's sword off his own blades before gracefully twirling about and cutting him right across the jugular. It was almost Tarantino-like the way the blood splurted out. Cole looked at her, splatter across his face and snazzy coat. His eyes darted to where she had been headed, and it was like she crashed back into herself, remembering her task. She started running again, sliding on the snow as she dropped to her knees opposite the little girl who was just sobbing.
"Hi," Holli breathed out, turning the woman over.
She was unconscious or dead. Holli pulled off her mittens with her teeth, dropping them beside her, and searched for her pulse point, relief flooding her as she felt one. It was weak and thready. Holli searched her body, looking for the wound; the woman was covered in blood. When Holli found it, she rested her hands over it, healing the deep gash in her abdomen. All the while, the girl was wailing.
Holli healed the wound, scrunching her nose up at the scar left behind. She needed to figure out how to fix that.
It occurred to her moments later how ridiculous a thought that was given the circumstances.
The woman didn't wake, but Holli didn't expect her to. The healing process took a toll on the patient too. Holli rested her hand on the little girl's shoulder.
"This your mum?"
The girl nodded, sniffing.
"She's all better now. She'll wake up later, good as new. Are you hurt anywhere?"
The girl shook her head.
"Hide under the wagon," Holli told her. It wouldn't be moving anywhere; the druffalo pulling it was dead. The girl obeyed and even tried to help Holli drag her mother under there.
Holli turned around, feeling a little lightheaded. That didn't usually happen. Looking around, she could see the others were whittling their attackers numbers down. Hawke and Fenris were beasts in battle and so in sync with each other. She felt a churning in her stomach, though, at the sight of the blood, bone, and viscera, the stench of blood and death in the air. She still remembered the sound of the man she'd exploded in Haven, that wet smack as pieces of him hit the ground...
Focus.
Her eyes scanned the area for any other injured. There was a man who was clutching his side; he was sitting on the ground and leaning against a rock. Holli was reluctant to leave the little girl but hoped no one had seen them get under there. Holli kept low as she ran to the man, falling over as an arrow shot into the ground just inches from her foot. When she looked up to see where it had come from, the archer was taken out by Fenris, who shot her a warning look. Warning her of what she didn't know, but she carried on running, dropping beside patient number two.
"Let me see," she ordered.
It was easier to focus on the injuries in front of her than the carnage going on around her.
"Y-you're the Herald," he stammered, his eyes fixed on her glowing hand.
"You were due for some luck," she grinned, though it probably came out more of a grimace.
She healed the wound; it wasn't as bad as the lady from before. He grit his teeth and groaned through it. When he opened his eyes, they went wide with fear. Before Holli could turn to see what he was looking at, she felt her hair being pulled, letting out a cry as she was dragged across the ground by it. She kicked herself across with him, trying to reduce the pull. Her hands scrabbled at his own clutching her hair, only to find metal, no flesh to claw at.
He was suddenly blasted off his feet, letting go of her hair. Holli dropped back before sitting up, Solas suddenly at her side and pulling her to her feet. He kept a firm hand on her arm as he started firing off spell after spell. Holli tried not to watch the fighting, instead locating more injured to be healed. Solas wasn't letting her go, though; he'd probably noticed how many times she'd come close to being hurt while darting about trying to fix people.
When the fight finally ended, Holli looked up to Solas, tugging him a bit. He stared down at her, concern in his eyes.
"Be careful," he warned. "You're still recovering."
"I will."
He stayed close as she found people in need of healing. She found another unconscious person, kneeling down beside him. She looked for a pulse, finding nothing. His body was still warm. Maybe if...
She found the wound, resting her hands over it. Solas's own hands suddenly closed around hers as he crouched opposite her on the other side of the body.
"He's gone, Holli. Do not even attempt this," he said, his voice low.
"But what if it works?" She whispered.
"If it did, the cost would be far too high, and there is no telling what exactly it would be. You cannot save everyone. Even as a doctor in your own world, surely that is a reality you must accept."
Holli stared up at him, debating whether or not to argue, to attempt it anyway. It was a reality in her own world. But that was before magic.
But Solas was right. If healing an old injury caused so much pain and problems, what would resurrecting someone take? If it even worked in the first place.
"Okay, Solas," she murmured.
"There are others who need your help," he said, pulling her up after him and ushering her on.
Holli cast one last look at the dead man, letting Solas lead her away.