I stared at the rope for what must've been hours. The fibers swayed slightly, mocking me, like they hadn't realized their job was done.
I had seen blood before. Seen bodies broken, seen the aftermath of battle, the quiet, ugly truth that no one ever talks about. But this—this was different. This wasn't just death. This was desecration. Shinichi hadn't just been killed. He had been mutilated. Torn apart like a pig at the butcher's.
Was this some sort of twisted joke? Did Hanzo really believe that Shinichi's life meant so little to do that?
The weight in my chest wasn't grief. It was heavier than that. Deeper. Something black and rotting that refused to rise to the surface, settling in the pit of my stomach like a stone.
Regret? Maybe.
If I had been faster, smarter, stronger, would Shinichi still be here?
Would he be standing next to me instead of sitting at the bottom of that pit, mutilated beyond recognition? Would we be talking—arguing, even—because at least then there'd be a voice to fight back? At least then there'd still be a chance for us to talk things out properly.
Rage? At who?
The bastard who strung him up like a trophy before butchering him?
Or at myself, for being too weak to stop it?
No. It wasn't just regret or rage. It was emptiness.
A hollow pit where something should have been. A pit that should have been filled with satisfaction, because for years, Shinichi had been a thorn in my side—a bully, a nuisance, a constant reminder of my failures. And yet, standing here now, staring at that last spot I just saw him at before Hanzo destroyed his body, all I could think about was how unfair it was.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
Of all the things Shinichi had put me through, this was the last thing I expected from him.
We were supposed to have more time. Time to get past the bullshit. To settle things properly between us. He had been a bastard to me for most of my time in the academy, and honestly, after everything that happened recently… I wanted to forgive him for it. I wanted to finally get over it properly and–and maybe even become friends.
Haha! It's funny to even think about. But how can I do that now? That choice was taken from me.
I was robbed of it.
It wasn't like we'd said it out loud. Not exactly. But I think we both knew.
That final, awkward, reluctant truce we had before everything went to hell—it had meant something. It had been the first time I'd seen Shinichi as more than just my tormentor or a bastard I needed to crush to move forward.
I saw him as simply a person, flawed and struggling, just like the rest of us.
And now?
Now he was just gone.
No closure. No satisfying conclusion to whatever understanding we'd been building between us.
Just silence.
He didn't deserve that. He was a bastard, but he didn't deserve such a fate. It was too much.
The rain started again; soft at first, a drizzle that quickly turned into something heavier. It ran down my face, mixing with the sweat and dirt and whatever else I'd collected on me throughout this miserable night.
Hanzo called me, what? The White Spider? The White Spider of the Leaf, I guess.
What a shitty way to get a title.
Was this supposed to mean something? A title, a name—I didn't care. It wouldn't bring Shinichi back. It wouldn't change the fact that I had only just started to see him as something other than the guy who used to bully me.
He was supposed to be standing next to me.
Not–not down there.
I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms hard enough to hurt. But even that felt distant. Everything felt distant, like I wasn't really here. Like I was watching someone else's nightmare play out.
The worst part?
I had just understood him.
I thought he had tormented me because he was cruel. Because he enjoyed it. But it wasn't that simple, was it? It never was.
I found out only now.
He bullied me because of Yukino.
Because she had taken an interest in me, and he… he had a crush on her. That was the real reason behind all the teasing, all the pushing, all the stupid insults that I used to let fester under my skin.
Such a stupid reason.
So fucking human.
Ridiculous.
I spent so long hating him. So long resenting him.
And in the end, he was just another stupid human being.
It should've made me angry. Should've made me feel vindicated.
But understanding him now, it just made everything worse.
I let out a slow breath, trying to ignore the way my throat tightened.
This wasn't how I wanted things to end.
I had wanted time. More time to figure out what it meant to let go of that anger, to build something different between us. To know what it was like to talk to him without feeling like I had to fight back.
But that was a luxury we weren't given.
No. That I wasn't given.
And maybe it was selfish, but God, it sucked.
It fucking sucked.
I finally turned away from the rope.
The wind howled through the trees, making the branches sway, making the shadows dance.
I forced myself to move. To breathe. To think.
Because Shinichi was gone. But Yukino—
Yukino was still here.
She stirred in my arms, a weak shiver running through her body. I felt it more than saw it, but it was enough to snap me out of whatever abyss I had been sinking into.
I couldn't lose myself in this. I wouldn't.
Shinichi was gone. But I had been given one last chance.
I could still save her.
And I wasn't going to waste it.
As I limped forward into the rain, I kept telling myself one thing and one thing only.
I couldn't let this happen again. Not ever. Especially not to someone I cared about.
No one deserved to die screaming, alone, with no one to save them. No one deserved to be strung up like a trophy, their last moments nothing but agony and despair.
I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms so hard I felt them threaten to break skin. The pain was distant. Almost welcome. A reminder that I was still here. That I could still fight. That I still had a chance to do better tomorrow.
I mumbled under my breath.
"I swear—on everything I have, on everything I am—I will never let something like this happen in front of me again."
Even if I have to break every bone in my body, I will master the Rasengan by the end of this year.
Whatever it takes, I'll do it just to have the proper chakra control to master the Strength of a Hundred Seal.
Regardless of the pain, I will temper my body into a machine of war to gain access to the Seventh Gate.
I will do everything.
Everything to be stronger.
I will push until my muscles tear, until my bones creak under the strain, until I am strong enough—fast enough—to stop this kind of horror before it even begins.
Because I refuse to stand by and watch ever again.
Never again.
…