DAWN.
I stood alone in my mother's bedroom on the day of the funeral, taking in the final memories I had shared with her there.
The event had come and gone like the wind, leaving behind only a deafening silence.
I'd come into the house to pick up the last of my belongings to move in permanently with the Vlads when another wave of nostalgia hit me. Aside from the grief, I couldn't brush off the feeling of anger and hatred I felt towards myself.
How could I have been so blind to my mother's decline in health? Too selfishly preoccupied with myself and the ongoing events in my life tonot notice her finally slipping away.
A stab of regret pierced through my heart. I never should've come back to the mansion. I should've stayed back with her.
In that moment, I hated discovering what I was.
The sound of the door opening startled me, and for a fleeting moment, I hoped it was my mother returning, and ready to assure me that everything would be alright. But no, it wasn't my mother. My mother was dead.
It was Azrael who stood in the doorway.
"It's not fair," I whispered. "Life's not fair. She deserved so much better."
Azrael moved closer. "Dawn," he said softly. "I know how you must feel. I am so sorry. Losing a parent is hard, especially when you weren't there in their last moments."
He paused for a while, watching me closely. "Do not blame yourself."
I spun around angrily. "How can I not, Azrael? I was her daughter! Her only daughter! It was my job to be there, and I-I failed her."
Tears welled up in my eyes.
Azrael's face further softened with familiarity, and it was like I was staring back at a broken little boy. "Listen to me," he said. "You were dealing with your struggles. I'm sure your mother knew you loved her beyond anything. That's all that matters."
His voice was gentle "Your mother wouldn't want you to carry this burden... this blame"
"You didn't even know her" I snapped. "How would you know what she wanted?!"
Azrael went silent for a moment before replying. "Blaming and hating yourself won't get you anywhere"
I shook my head, tears suddenly spilling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, I... I don't know what's wrong with me"
"You're grieving" he replied "And it's fine"
I choked back the tears. "I need to hear it from her. I need one more chance to tell her how much she means to me."
Azrael hesitated for a long moment before pulling me into a hug, and I clung to him.
"I've never hated myself so much before," I said, my face in his shoulder. "This is all my fault. I should have been there."
"Dawn, I understand at this point, all you're going to feel is guilt, but trust me when I say all that will pass quickly when you come to terms that none of this is your fault"
He pulled back slightly to look at me. "She was really sick and she endured for a long time. Now, she has gone to rest. Take comfort in that"
Suddenly, my eyes widened, filling with hope "Or maybe... maybe there's another way," I whispered, fully pulling away.
"I'm strong. I should be able to bring her back, right Azrael?"
I scoffed. "Surely, if I can control fire and wind, move things with my mind, and cure family diseases, I should be able to bring my mother back from the dead."
Azrael shook his head "Necromancy requires dark magic. You're the Divine Purge. A force of good" he explained "It's not what you were born to do"
"There has to be some other way," I insisted.
He sighed tiredly, "Dawn, it's not just about power. Even if you could manipulate life and death itself, it wouldn't bring her back healthy" he explained.
"You'd only subject her to the same suffering all over again" Azrael's voice softened. "Bringing her back wouldn't give her a brand new kidney, I'm sorry"
Anger sparked within me again. "But there has to be something. I-I can't just accept this''
Azrael held my gaze "Yes, you can, and with time, you would. You can honor her memory, Dawn" he smiled sadly "Live a life that would make her proud, and carry her love with you always."
I nodded silently, the tears returning with full force. "Okay"
"We are your family. Remember that"
As he pulled me into another hug, I saw Dragos watching us from the window, a smile on his face.
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(A FEW DAYS AFTER)
The aftermath of the first battle continued to haunt me and I couldn't sleep.
Weird, inexplicable dreams... dreams of death and destruction nagged my mind. I tossed in bed, dragging a pillow over my face and screaming into it in frustration.
The vivid memories of gore and the act of taking Variel's life tormented and pricked my conscience.
I had killed.
For the first time, I had killed.
But as I wrestled with my thoughts, another sadness was present in my heart—the memory of my mother's death.
This deepened my guilt, worsening the pain that already consumed me. Remembering her death, along with what I'd done in battle, and my brush with death on different occasions, left me incredibly sad. Despondent. Terrified.
The PTSD from it all broke me, leaving me depressed.
When the intrusive thoughts got unbearable, I threw back the covers and made my way to Dragos' room, managing to tiptoe into it without the door creaking open.
I'd asked for space ever since my mother's death. It was why Dragos and I slept separately.
"Dawn?" He called groggily. "Baby, is something wrong?"
I walked towards his bed, responding in a whisper, "I can't sleep"
Dragos shifted from underneath the duvet and rose from the bed. He looked glorious, even with his mussed hair and sleepy face.
"Nightmares?" He asked, caressing my face.
I nodded slowly.
As he towered over me, his long hair falling over his face and past his shoulders, I couldn't help but realize how deep my feelings ran for this man.
How badly I wanted to be with him.
"What can I do to help?" He took me into his arms, stroking my hair gently. "Do we go meet Mother? She might be able to help with the nightmares"
I shook my head. "I don't want to bother her. Let her rest. Besides, I doubt she'll be able to help"
He pulled away to look into my face silently. "Okay. Come"
Dragos started to lead me to his bed "Sleep with me"
I followed him to the bed but stopped at its edge, letting go of his hand.
Confused, Dragos turned towards me, his gaze asking what the matter was, when slowly, I began undoing the buttons of my nightshirt, my eyes never leaving his.
In realization, his eyes darkened, watching in silence as I stripped my clothing until I stood before him naked.
His arms were folded across his chest, his thumb under his chin, a finger above his upper lip as he stared at me.
Dragos took a step forward, his beautiful eyes reflecting his worry. "Dawn. Are you sure about this?"
I nodded.
He hesitated, shaking his head "No, I don't think you're in the right frame of mind. You're still..." he paused, his face softening. "...you're still grieving"
"Dragos, this is the only thing that can distract me from the turmoil of it all" I explained. "I close my eyes to sleep but can't because my mind refuses to quiet down. And when I'm awake I remain tormented by my thoughts and actions in the past"
Dragos held my hand affectionately as I spoke. "There's no peace for me except when I'm with you" I paused momentarily. "Only you… only this can give me some sort of sanity for a while."
I looked into his eyes. "Don't deny me when I need you"
He watched me quietly before nodding and pressing his lips to mine. Immediately our lips touched, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Dragos was my haven—my escape from the demons that haunted me.
I was glad I met him.
The kiss deepened, his fingers gentle as they caressed my skin. Slowly, I felt my worries melting away.
As we sank into the bed, in that moment, nothing else mattered.
The grief, the guilt, the pain... all of it faded away, and in its place was the warmth of the love I had for him.
Dragos traced light kisses down my neck, his lips barely grazing my skin, as if he was afraid to cause me any pain.
"I love you," he said, the words coming out so softly, that I froze, my heart missing a beat.
I loved him back, I was certain I did, yet my mouth couldn't form the words to say it back. Perhaps it was my grief and trauma that had taken control.
"You don't have to say it back now," Dragos said, as if reading my mind, an understanding smile on his face. "I'm just letting you know"
Like a robot, I nodded, a brutal storm of emotions raging inside me.
I felt gratitude for his understanding, love for how gentle he was, and frustration with myself for being unable to express my feelings. But when his wickedly skillful tongue closed around my sex, all thoughts were forgotten.
It was a passionate moment for me. More passionate than the first time we made love. The depth of our emotions... how deeply we connected, everything all seemed to reach its peak in that one moment.
But what made it even more touching was the gentle way Dragos held me and the tenderness at which his hands and lips touched mine because he knew my heart was still fragile and bruised from the pain of losing my mother. And I loved him all the more for it. I loved all of him.
I didn't care that he was a five-hundred-and-sixty-five-year-old vampire with a status similar to that of a king in the vampire community, nor did I care about the brutal lengths he would go to in war—spilling blood and breaking bones without a second thought, just to protect me.
I didn't care that his power and dominance made others tremble with fear.
All I cared about was the feel of his hands on my body, the seductive whisper of his voice, and the frightening devotion in his eyes.
As we both reached our release, a sense of peace and security washed over me.
I wasn't alone in this darkness.
Dragos was there, holding me, supporting me, and loving me despite everything.