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[The day prior to Lucas and Ashly reunion]
It's getting dark in a forest, the shadows grow taller and longer. The wind makes the branches of the trees shake. A deer is drinking from a cold river, it then lifts its head. The deer has heard a noise, it stays still looking around. In the distance Lucas has his rifle pointed at the deer. He takes deep breaths and lays his finger on the trigger, he then aims it at the deers head. All of the sudden another deer appears, it seems to be much younger. It's a fawn and it's walking to he older deer.
Lucas hesitated and lowers his gun, he is kneeling down and sighs. Lucas stands up and turns around and thinks to himself, why can't he kill the deer. He has done it before when he was younger, was it because it seemed like the fawn's mother? Lucas turns around to look at the deer, but a loud noise can be heard. It's the sound of a gun and Lucas ducks, he hears the running of small hooves. Lucas stands up and sees the deer dead.
"Why did you hesitate to kill it? It's an animal, you're supposed to be ready to hunt it." said a man, Lucas looks up and he is tall "Oh sorry that I startled you, my name is Robert." Robert says as he walks to Lucas and offers him a handshake. Lucas stays still not moving at all, Robert takes his hand away "Not much of a talker eh? What's your purpose in these woods, to not kill anything when you're supposed to be hunting. That doesn't make sense to me." Robert says as he looks at Lucas, he can see how nervous he looks
"I'm sorry, it's just that I couldn't kill it. That was most likely the mother of the fawn and I…I Just. Well I don't know." Lucas says as he looks down "If you're a hunter then you're supposed to know that it's against the law to kill mother deers." Lucas looks up at Robert who shakes his head
"That's true but that's not its offspring, I know that because I've been following that deer for over an hour." Robert says which Lucas seems surprised "I know you've been following it for ten minutes." Robert walks to the deer, he lifts it up with one hand
"Yeah you're right, I feel a bit stupid now. I should of known that you're experienced and know more than me." Lucas says in a low voice feeling embarrassed.
"You hesitated not because of the thought of it being a mother." Robert says as he examines where he shot the deer
"What do you mean?" Lucas asked, he looks confused as to what he is saying.
"Those eyes of yours, they are the ones that show fear. There's something that you can't help, but remember before you try to shoot." Robert then grabs his knife, he begins to cut the deer "It must of been a very stressful moment, you must be from the district." he says as he points at Lucas with his bloody glove.
"Yeah, but how do you know that? I mean there nothing on me that suggests that, or is there?" Lucas begins to check his stuff.
"No, it's just a common trait, that all district men are weak and cowards. Were I'm from they are called women." Robert begins to laugh "They don't deserve to be men, how can you feel fear at all." he turns to Lucas who isn't laughing "Don't take it seriously, you need to work on what's happening inside your head. No man should ever let his emotions control his body, I'd kill myself if I ever did." Robert says as he puts the cut deer meat inside a sack.
Lucas looks away as he puts his rifle away, Robert is right. Lucas is letting a specific moment stop him. "I'm sorry but, I can't help but feel fear about it. My hands feel sweaty, and I start to feel nauseous when I aim my gun."
"Then stay inside that district and never leave. Losers like you should never experience what you can't handle. Inside it may seem happy and hopeful, but out here in the real world. Many things will happen that will crush you, they will laugh and make fun of you." Robert begins to leave "You better man up, or else the world will cut you open."
Lucas looks very confused, the world will cut him? What does he mean by that, is he weak because he lives somewhere safe. No that's not true, he knows a lot about the outside world. He has spend years with Ashly and he knows how she lives. He can't be too different "Before you start overthinking about it, I'm talking about experience. You men never experience what the world is willing to throw at you."
As Robert leaves he smiles, he can't help but look back at Lucas "That's it, you better grow a pair. Now that I know how you look, that girl will be easier to kill. Don't give up until you lead me to her." Robert murmurs to himself "It will be fun killing you when you gain false courage."
———-
Lucas is walking home, he decided that he will take a long walk. What that man Robert had said might be true, he hasn't experienced the true world. He doesn't want to as he thinks "Ashly, all I can think of is when you almost died. When I was closing your wound, I saw what I thought was a dead body. The difference from any other person she killed was that this dead body. Well it was of someone I knew, someone I had memories of when they were alive. It hurts my stomach, I don't want to see that ever again." Lucas looks at his fingers, he closes them and then opens them again "Why can I only remember that moment everytime I want to shot? Is it because I'm useless, Ashly has went through worse yet I'm the one who is taking it the worse."
Lucas takes his rifle and points at different directions, he has his finger on the trigger and nothing happens. He then spots a bird and as soon as he points at the bird, his hand starts to shakes. There in an instant is Ashly in the ground, bleeding and taking deep breaths. Lucas yells in anger "Why now? why is it when Ashly is in need of help, I have to be such a coward? This should give me motivation to help her more, not the opposite."
Lucas begins to grind his teeth, he walks for the rest of the morning. He makes it back home, his foster parents look worried. "I'm back." Lucas says forcing a smile and happy tone. But he can see that they know something is up, Lucas drops his smile "I feel lost right now, I thought I knew how things worked out, but it turns out I don't."
"Listen Lucas, sit down with us. We are here to comfort you and make you feel noticed." said his foster father who offers him to sit next to him "Don't you let everything that's wrong stay in one place, tell us everything. It's better to let it out, and have a better understanding, for us to be able to know what's going on."
"Listen it's just that my friend almost died, and well that makes me feel sick. I care for them but every time something bad happened to her she always. Well she always came back fine, and that's what I thought. I saw her as someone I don't have to worry for physically, that I would only help her out financially or emotionally." Lucas sits down and looks into the ground "I guess that was just me being naive, no person can be invulnerable. I always believed she was special, that no matter what happens she will always be fine."
"Listen it's a good thing that you feel this way." said his foster mother, "I mean as in you feel empathy and care for them. Lucas the truth is that if you feel sadness and anxiety for others, then you're a good person." she holds Lucas hand as she sits next to him "Don't let anybody believe that feeling sadness is completely terrible. The world is complicated, and some emotions need to be experienced in order to fully live a happy life."
"Listen to me, I love the both of you. I will always respect and appreciate everything you have done for me. I have made a decision, I'm moving out." Lucas says which shocks them both "I know that's it's such an odd time as with what I'm feeling, but my heart is telling me that I need to, that I have to get rid of this. By staying here that won't help me at all, like that one man said I need to get experience to recover ." Lucas looks at them, his face seems more calm now.
"Well we can't stop you from making these decisions. We just think you're too young to understand what you're thinking of. You're legally an adult now, and we just want you to make the right decisions. Lucas listen to us, please think twice on everything. Don't make decisions that you'll regret, maybe stay here a bit longer. Unless you know already where you're going." his foster mother said
"Yes I Know what I'm doing, I thought about this for over a week." Lucas stands up "I'll send you letters whenever I can. I'll make sure to write down everything I do so you can feel relieved."
"Well alright Lucas, write every week to us. Don't miss any of those because if you do, we will think you died." said his foster father
"Yeah don't worry, with what I know now. I don't plan on making mistakes, ever." Lucas then walks to his room
———
[Back in the present]
Ashly looks at Lucas "Ashly then that's settled, let's go and leave. Thanks for telling me this, it makes me happy that you need me." Lucas says
"Good then, I can't stand this place anymore. I always hated it hear, and now I get to try something else." Ashly grabs her bag "Carry it for me, I just woke up this morning and you don't want a poor injured woman carrying heavy stuff right?" She says staring directly into his eyes. Lucas nods and grabs her bag, Ashly begins to walk ahead of Lucas "Now then, where should we go to? You must have a place right, with your foster parents and all."
Lucas looks at Ashly "Well… I don't live with them anymore. I decided to move out and I believe that this is for the best." Lucas says giving Ashly a shy smile. Ashly turns to Lucas and looks a bit annoyed.
"What do you mean you decided to leave? Then, does that mean we have to make a plan up on the spot? I was thinking that if I was to live with you, I'd have a few weeks to think." Ashly walks to Lucas and grabs her bag "Lucas tell me you have a plan already."
"Well… sort of, but I didn't expect you to want to leave this place either. I didn't expect you to want to move away as well. Ashly there's this one place that we could go to." Lucas sighs "Listen Ashly, I have a problem right now. It's something you need to know, I can't shoot anymore… well at living things." Lucas says in a shy tone, he is embarrassed, but Ashly has to know.
Lucas is about to say more but is cut off. "I don't care about that." Ashly says not looking at him "As long as you can help me, I couldn't give any damn. It's not a burden if you can't shot at people, where I want to go. That won't be necessary anymore." Lucas looks up at Ashly "What! Isn't this want you want to hear? That whatever is in your mind isn't going to be problematic."