They both remained silent for a moment. Taeui looked at Ilay; annoyance was evident on his face, but beneath it, there was something else he couldn't pinpoint. The conditions his parents gave were harsh on everyone, but for Ilay, the conditions might have been different if they knew he was dating a man.
Taeui felt worse that he had lied to them and put Ilay in this situation. Ilay locked eyes with him, and as if he could read Taeui's mind, his eyes became colder, and he clicked his tongue. "I can see what you are thinking."
Taeui nodded.
"Being together is causing trouble for your family. But even so, I would make the same choices. I still want to be with you."
He smiled softly, his hand reaching to caress Ilay's hand which was tapping on the armrest. "Does that make me a bad person?"
The coldness in Ilay's eyes vanished, and he gave a mirthless chuckle. A moment later, he grabbed Taeui's hips, lifted him and sat him on the desk in front of him.
"Are you really asking me if you are a bad person?"
Taeui laughed and slightly tensed up when Ilay put his head on his thigh. He played with Ilay's hair in silence as both relaxed and heard Ilay take a deep breath.
"What are you thinking about?"
"We have two years to get pregnant."
"Something impossible remains impossible no matter how many times we try it."
"I'll pitch my prayer to get you pregnant to other gods. Maybe even the devil."
"Are you really praying for that?" Taeui asked, surprised.
"Those sweets that you like from the bakery across the park."
Taeui waited for Ilay to continue. He wasn't sure what that bakery had to do with anything. He went to that bakery once or twice with Ilay since they both liked their products, and after that, sometimes, Ilay brought a treat from the bakery when he went out.
"The church is close to that bakery. Whenever I go to church, I bring you something from the bakery."
"Oh…"
Suddenly, Ilay's room felt very warm, and Taeui's body seemed on fire. Taeui looked away, realising how often Ilay had been praying.
"You aren't even religious," he murmured.
"I just drop a few coins when I pass by and ask for it."
"I didn't know you wanted children that much."
Ilay lifted his face so he could see Taeui. "You look so happy and carefree whenever you play with the neighbour kids. And since the girls arrived, even more so…"
Indeed, Taeui liked children. Children have a different energy and spirit from adults. They are carefree and happy. Just enjoying each day as it is, and curious about everything. But it's not like he wanted children.
"Ever since I realised I liked men–" Taeui pinched Ilay's cheek when he glared at him and clenched his hands around his hips. "Calm down. It was before I met you. When I realised that, the idea of having children vanished from my mind without an afterthought. Having one would be nice, but it's nice even if we don't."
Ilay seemed to digest his words as his serious stare remained pinned on him, as he tapped his finger on Taeui's thigh.
"The in vitro thing… would that be so bad? You just need to provide a sperm sample." Taeui asked reluctantly. However, the strong hands clenched his sides, and he regretted asking such a stupid question.
"My seed is only for you. If it's not with you, I don't want a baby."
Taeui nodded. If he were in Ilay's position, he wouldn't want to have his child from someone else, either. If that were the case, he would prefer to adopt instead, but that wasn't an option either. While thinking this, Taeui remembered the question he had since the beginning.
"Why are you parents so worried about an heir when Kyle is managing everything?"
Ilay grabbed Taeui's hand, placed it on his hair and lay down his head again. Taeui smiled, seeing Ilay asking to be petted.
"You know how Tarten and Riegrow have been very close for more than 150 years. And while Tarten has always been a big family, Riegrow not so much. Only in the past generation did it begin to grow. And because of it, the way we choose the heir had to change."
"Why not choose the firstborn?"
"That worked once or twice. But my father and his younger brother didn't agree with it because the oldest brother was not a good fit for it. My grandmother, who was in charge at the time, and the rest of the family agreed to give the title after a proper selection."
"Then why the pressure to have children? Don't your cousins have children?"
"They do, quite a few of them. However, the elders want to make the selection of the successor similar to what Tarten does. They want to gather all the eligible children and start educating them young for the top position."
Taeui remembered what he had learned during his time in Dresden and how Richard became the successor.
"From my father's side, we only have Amber and Scarlet as eligible candidates, but since Helena doesn't want them to inherit Riegrow, we virtually have none."
"But is it really that bad for one of your cousins' children to inherit it?"
"We deal with arms, so we have to be mostly impartial. However, my father's brothers are both connected to the underground world with different factions. Either of their grandchildren inheriting it will harm Riegrow."
Taeui thought about the precarious situation the family was in. His bravado earlier of how he wouldn't change his choices felt too bold now that he knew what was at stake.
"Even if I think that Scarlet would be a good fit, I would prefer if she chose this herself when she comes of age instead of being forced to do it like Kyle. However, at the moment, we don't have a choice. Helena, Kyle and I agree that leaving Riegrow to one of them will ruin us."
Taeui didn't like the situation at all, and he understood why Ilay was annoyed with it. What will his parents say when they learn he is dating a man? The possibilities left a bitter taste in Taeui's mouth as his thoughts spiralled, and he held Ilay closer.
"What do you think your parents will do when they learn I'm the one you are dating?"
Ilay shrugged. "Despite their tough exterior, they are good parents, so they won't care too much."
"…"
"But the conditions to have children will remain."
"…"
"Don't worry, they won't disown me. Even if they do, I have enough money to take care of you until you die of old age."
"Why do you keep assuming I'll die before you?"
"I've told you before. As long as you are alive and waiting for me, I'll come back to you no matter what."
"You are more likely to die because of the jobs you take."
"Do you want me to die?"
"No."
"Then I won't."
"You really would do anything for me…"
A thought as dark as a bottomless pit began to form in Taeui's mind.
"Taeui… don't even start with that train of thought. Besides, if push comes to shove, in two years, I might just visit them one by one," said Ilay nonchalantly, looking up at Taeui. "Survival of the fittest and all…"
"Don't say such scary things, they are your family. And you know I would never ask you for something like that"
No matter what, Taeui would never ask Ilay to accept the in vitro fertilisation, as selfish as that may be.
"That's why I will give them the choice to withdraw."
Taeui pinched his cheek and continued playing with his hair. "Your nieces would cry if they knew you were going around threatening people. And doing that would still make one of them be the heir."
"Amber most likely would cry if she knew. But I feel she would act like it had nothing to do with her after a while. Scarlet, on the other hand, would probably ask how I did it." Ilay chuckled at the last part.
"Without the other candidates, Kyle would have more time to have children, and we could adopt."
"You and Scarlet are very similar. She could be your daughter."
Ilay chuckled again and then became pensive for a moment.
"Before I met you, I couldn't care less about anyone. But now… within a couple of days after meeting my nieces, I feel like I would give them the world if they asked."
"It's a good thing to have people you care about that deeply."
"Not really… I've lived my life in a less-than-savory way. Those choices will follow me for the rest of my life. What would their reaction be if they knew the real me?"
Taeui was surprised to hear such words from Ilay. This beast that could kill a person with his bare hands without a second thought was pondering what his nieces would think of him. Even if it was a very small part of him, a part of him that was hidden in the most inner corner of his heart, he cared what his nieces thought of him, and that tiny part also felt regret for his past actions.
"It's annoying whenever they run up to me and smile, or when they smile at me for no reason. Whether I smile or not, it makes no difference to them. And yet I keep wanting to see their smiles."
Taeui's smile grew bigger as Ilay uttered those words. He was frowning as if he couldn't figure it out, and he probably couldn't. And despite his bored and slightly annoyed voice, there was a spark in his eyes.
"Those tiny hands feel so precious whenever they hold mine... It's truly annoying how I keep smiling back at them. I would find and kill the boogeyman if they asked."