Alpha Soren's POV
When would this night end?
Logan is pacing. Growling low and snarling. His body's tension is pissing me off. Ears flattened and eyes narrow and focused. Now and then, his ears perk up.
It was for the betterment of the pack, I tell him and his hackles raised.
Gosh, I've had quite a few nights similar to this when Meg plagues my mind, and I couldn't get to sleep. They were rather long nights, and sometimes my hands didn't work, so I called in Beth, and she eased me, but it only worked sometimes. Tonight, it had not.
I, as an alpha, an omega, cannot be my mate. She would weaken the pack... My Luna is supposed to complement me, and our bond would make me stronger. This is how packs become strong. A weak wolf is a liability, and I cannot have that in my pack, for it is the pack that would suffer.
An omega carries no strengths.
Logan now thinks she is perfect for us, but what does he know? He works on instinct, and his instinct will not save the pack- he is primal. K*ll everything in his path or find our mate to create whelps. That's it. He cries for her every full moon, and I have to drown him out sometimes with alcohol.
He hasn't always been pro-Meg. But he has acquired the skill of acceptance when it comes to his mate.
Sometimes I think it would be best to call on the Moon Goddesses to reject her outwardly, just to get over this madness, but I cannot. I would become weak, and Meg could die. I didn't want her to die- I loved her. He begged me to spare her, and he will keep a rein on himself. And as much as I tried to block her out, Logan kept at it, not breaking his word, but still, I must appease him, and this is how I lost my battle with Meg.
It had been a night of festivity weeks ago, and Logan was tripping again. Madness sometimes can overtake a wolf, and he was near. If we descend into madness, it's both of us together. Then my pack suffers because I cannot rule from an asylum, which would be my new abode...it then defeats not accepting an omega as mine.
Therefore, I might as well accept her now and watch my pack wither away...it is something Logan is conscious of but still, he pushes it.
On that night in particular, some weeks back, my head was already a bit high and my judgement was a bit on the sloppy side, from all the alcoholic beverages- had it not been, I would have kept at a safe distance from Meg. And so, I could not stop him when he suddenly kissed her, howling 'mate', inside my head. Her lips on mine were enough for me to know that she must be mine instantly, and that was all I could think of, as I melted away every single barrier I had erected to stay away from her. I could not resist the mate bond when I tasted Meg's sweetness. I wanted more.
The next morning, I treated her like dirt before Logan rose, knowing he would be frenzied to have his mate beside him, on our bed.
Apart from keeping him grounded, aka myself, I have to deal with everything else. The pack and living in an everyday human and very mundane lifestyle. I cannot go primal on everyone and just pounce around, dropping bodies as he wants to, so he calls me weak.
I am everything but weak, and he knows it. He tries to aggravate me, that is all. Hacking away at the bridge between the supernatural and the not, is not a child's play game. When it comes to his mate, I almost cannot deter him, despite how much I long to. If I allow Logan to simply have his way, chaos will follow, and its trail will begin here at the packhouse, into town.
Hence the reason why we choose to reside here in the outskirts of the dense woods. So, nobody could hear our feral sounds. The rowdy river also aids us there.
I cannot risk it and expose us to society.
But every time I see her, Meg gets even more beautiful to the point where it hurts me to be around her.
Before I was alpha, following my discovery of my mate's identity, my grandfather passed away days later, but as it was expected, there was no big fuss. From that day to weeks after that, I trailed Meg, attempting to comprehend her and what was so outstanding about her that she was chosen for me. Of course, I had to lock Logan away. While he was out and about, I trained and trained hard to keep Logan and myself busy and too tired to think.
Then we were attacked in the night, and I lost both my parents. I needed my mate then, and I almost slipped one afternoon, but we were disturbed by Beth, and Logan had been so mad that Mr Trippy nearly slaughtered her. If Will hadn't been nearby and heard Logan's murd*rous thoughts, his daughter would have been d*ad.
Then Beth and I started sleeping together, and I realised it had taken off the edge, a bit. Logan hated her, but in the end, when I came, he was satisfied as his traitorous thoughts dissolved. Of course, Beth is not my woman, though she tries to make herself available to me, she cannot be here at my beck and call for mere s*x, so obviously I have other women as well over the years.
Quenching my thirst is all I am seeking in between the moist legs of each of them, and gradually, Logan accepted that I am the boss, not him. His decision to moan over his mate is his loss, not mine. My decision was made for the pack, and not for my own selfish gain.
Then, another time, I found myself drawing closer to Meg, but again, something came up.
I was glad for every intrusion. Even when a neighbouring pack called on me for assistance with a rogue pack, I did not want to help because they were not so friendly towards us. But I took on the project, with my pack's assistance, only to distract my mind and Logan from Meg. It was my way of learning to control my wolf. It took us close to a week, but we defeated them, losing the alpha and beta in the process, causing the entire pack to be vulnerable.
The chosen gamma for beta is also d*ad.
The remaining gammas did not think they had it in them- what it took to be alphas, and so they requested I take them in. They decided that waiting for an alpha to rise- which would be one of them- would be too lengthy a time, in turn exposing their vulnerability to other attacks, and so I was asked to be their alpha. Why would I say no to that when it would only aid in the strength of my pack?
Not to mention the real estate.
That kept me busy for another three years as I learned about my new members. This involved employment, schooling for the younger ones, and finding housing since they had to leave their homeland to settle in mine. This decision only came after I discussed it with my pack members, and none were willing to relocate to protect the survivors from enemy attacks. Hence their move here, safe within our pack's perimeter.
I now own the land, but there are still legal matters that need to be handled within the courts of the human world. We might be savages, but we were law-abiding ones.
It's nearly one in the morning, and I still feel restless. Meg invades my mind again, and Logan is pacing inside my head.
Everything is wrong without her but we will make it right. It's a chant I have recited more than a hundred times over and I have myself convinced that I believe it as well.
My nostrils flare when I recall her scent, and tears flow from my eyes- I fist her hair and she gives a throaty moan. I push her back against the wall of her ancient, faded wallpapered room and hike up her skirt. No panties- merciful soul.
Logan stares at me in the depths of my mind, but I ignore him.
My fantasy is all I have of her now. I unzip my jeans as hot tears roll down my cheeks, and Logan whines. He pities me...
I pity myself...