(Author's Note: From now on, some secondary characters will have more relevance, especially in the ".5" chapters. Start picking your favorite, lol. Mine is Ether, and among the women, my favorites are the twins, characters who appeared in the previous chapter and will gain more relevance.)
CHAPTER 73.5 - I'm Useless
(Kaeyko's POV)
Ether clasped his hands together, adopting a serious posture, as if what he was about to say was of utmost importance.
He took a deep breath, sighed, and then let the words spill from his mouth.
Words full of…
"I think… I hate otakus," he said gravely.
Full of crap.
"…"
"…"
Both Evelyn and I stayed silent, knowing that if we engaged him, we'd just waste time on something clearly not worth it—like talking to Ether.
I don't have time for your nonsense, idiot. Let me enjoy my time with Evelyn, my almost-girlfriend, who feels like my official girlfriend as she sits on my lap, hugging me and rubbing her cheek against mine.
"Say 'ah.' Come on, cutie, don't be shy."
"Isn't that a bit too cheesy? But fine, if it makes you happy."
I opened my mouth, and she popped a piece of broccoli in.
Mmm…
As I chew, I realize that, indeed, teenage hormones must've suddenly hit me overnight.
I used to see clingy couples, the ones always together and saying sweet things, as a nuisance. Not only did they make me cringe, they filled me with a certain rage. Even someone like me, who's been bullied and hates seeing the vulnerable exploited, wanted to kick them for being so ridiculous.
I sincerely apologize from the depths of my sensitive heart, random lovey-dovey couples. Now that I have Evelyn in my life, I understand why you did those foolish things in public.
Yes, being fed by Evelyn is a bit embarrassing, but it also fills me with satisfaction and happiness. That smile of hers fills my heart with… love? Happiness? Something like that.
The only thing that bothers me a little is Kaey, who nestled between Evelyn's breasts and fell asleep. I know he's a spiritual animal or something, and I doubt he's some legendary ancient master turned into a creepy old pervert, but it's still uncomfortable to see. Does it count as sexual harassment? Evelyn doesn't seem to mind, but… better not think about it for now.
"So? Am I getting better?" she asks, doubt in her tone.
Well, broccoli doesn't define the dish, and it's hard to change its flavor. It tastes the same as the thousands of broccolis I've eaten in my life (since it's my favorite food), but there's an extra element that makes this broccoli much more enjoyable than the others: Evelyn made this lunch with her own hands. The art of homemade food from someone special, something I haven't had in years… from anyone…
What a shitty life I've had.
"I think so, yeah. It's hard to explain how I feel, so I want you to experience it."
I picked up one of the fried sausages from the lunch I made for Evelyn.
I made her lunch, and she made mine.
"Say 'ah.'"
Evelyn closed her eyes and opened her mouth.
Oh, closing the eyes. I forgot that part. I'll do it next time.
I put half the sausage in her mouth.
"Don't choke. Chew caref—huh?"
…Is she… sucking on the sausage?
She's licking and sucking it like it's a… With that perverted expression on her face… And the students are staring at us. I don't really care what they think of me, but I'm worried it might affect Evelyn… But…
…What?
"Evelyn?"
She narrowed her eyes slightly and caressed my lips.
"Sorry, cutie, I just love your sausage so much I can't bring myself to bite it," she said oddly, still with the sausage in her mouth.
…I think I should get Evelyn off my lap before she notices my erection. Our relationship is supposed to be pure at the start, so it's not based on sex or stuff like that. Evelyn, don't make it harder for me to resist my urges.
And do I really have those urges? Ugh, this love thing is changing me a lot.
"Fufu. I win," she said with a sly expression, wiggling her butt a little.
She noticed.
"It's a natural reaction to the stimulus. It's a bit sneaky of you, but also clever. You get a 9.9."
"Why not a 10?!"
"Because the only perfect thing in this life, at least for me…"
I caressed her cheek and smiled, while gently running my right hand over her thigh.
It's not harassment if she does the same to me, plus I have her permission.
"Is you, princess."
"P-princess?! Oh, the things you say, Kaeyko!"
She buried her face in my chest, trying to hide how red it turned.
Words are a deadly weapon if you know how to use them.
"Ahhhhh! Stop flirting in front of me! And stop ignoring me too!"
"Who's that random, Kaeyko? He's ruining our date."
"Yeah, sure, now you don't know me because you've got Kaeyko, huh, bi—? Hmmmph!"
I threw a broccoli at his mouth and hit the mark.
Chew carefully, and while you're at it, think twice about what you were going to say.
I threw my favorite food at you—that's how pissed I am.
"Listen, Ether, I'll only warn you once. Evelyn's past doesn't matter to me at all. I don't care if you had sex with her, I don't care, because I didn't even know her back then, so she didn't matter to me. No offense, Evelyn."
"No worries."
"What I'm trying to say is that Evelyn matters to me now, a lot. Her past before I met her doesn't matter, but that doesn't mean I'll let anyone insult her because of it. Try to insult her again, and you'll end up six feet under if you're lucky."
Ether, filled with fear, finished chewing and swallowing the broccoli, but that fear turned into disgust.
"Ugh, broccoli."
You have no taste in food, idiot.
He took a sip of his soda and sighed in relief.
"Ah, much better. Where were we? Oh, yeah."
He cleared his throat, and his fear returned, I guess.
I wonder if he's an idiot or just pretending to annoy me. Either way, it's crap.
"C-coming from you, that threat sounds pretty real. And as my mom says, I look prettier when I'm quiet. Got it."
"Oh, my golden-maned hero in a white-haired disguise!" Evelyn said, kissing my cheek.
Golden mane, huh?
Should I dye my hair blonde? It'd match Evelyn. After all, Evelyn dyes her hair. From the roots I can see, her natural hair color is brown.
Would I look good as a blonde?
No, better not. We might look like siblings, and considering our future relationship, that'd be pretty weird and uncomfortable. I'd rather keep my natural white hair.
Besides, I shouldn't change my hair. I may hate my family, but not my father. My white hair is an inheritance from my paternal side.
…Wait… White?
"Changing the subject, help me study, Kaeyko! I don't want to be Tanya's slave!"
"Pfft. Find someone else, idiot. I'm not sharing my almost-boyfriend with you. He's mine!"
"Red flags, red flags! Kaeyko, you're not even dating, and she's already toxic! You still have time to rethink this!"
"Who're you calling toxic, moron?!"
"The only toxic one here, toxic!"
White hair…
Most of my relatives on my father's side have white hair.
Every white-haired person I've met ends up being a relative somehow.
Could Ram be a relative? I need to investigate. If so, I could ask her to not expel Evelyn in some special exam. I'd owe her a favor, and my chances of her helping me would increase if we're distant cousins or something.
I need to explore every option to ensure Evelyn isn't expelled.
I know it's stupid to think every white-haired person is a relative, but it's worth checking.
"You're dead!"
"Come on, I'd love to see you try, saggy tits—! Hmmmph!"
I threw another broccoli at that idiot's mouth and covered Evelyn's mouth.
"Evelyn, Ether's an idiot. Ether, you're an idiot. In conclusion, it's not worth fighting an idiot, Evelyn. Let's keep eating."
"Why don't you insult her too?!"
"Because I care about her."
"That's why I love you, cutie!" Evelyn said, rubbing her cheek against mine.
"Ouch, my heart! And here I was offering you my sincerest friendship! You've broken my heart, Kaeyko! Soulless monster!"
"And you say that when you were having sex while I was trying to sleep?"
"But as the good friend I am, I offered you threesomes, and you didn't want them."
"Your women were the ones offering that."
"But I wasn't opposed to the idea, you ungrateful jerk!"
He stood up from the table.
"I'm leaving, and don't try to catch up with me. Our friendship is over!"
"Fine," I said, taking a bite of Evelyn's food.
"I'm leaving, never to return."
"Fine," I said, chewing and feeding Evelyn.
"Maybe some hobo will assault me, or I'll end up dead in some alley in this city."
"Too bad," I said, caressing Evelyn's cheek.
"One day you'll regret not valuing my friendship, the purest and most sincere you've ever had."
"I'll keep that in mind," I said, as Evelyn tapped my nose with her finger.
"And thanks to me, you met Evelyn."
"The only good thing you've done," I said, continuing to eat.
"But one day you'll—"
"This is dragging on. Are you leaving or not?"
"Alright, alright, stop crying over me. Fine, I accept your apology," he said, sitting back down.
"What apology?"
"I'm glad you love me so much you're begging for my forgiveness."
"You're really an idiot, huh?"
"Definitely," Evelyn said.
"Alright, alright, stop humiliating yourself for me. I forgive you. And fine, I accept your offer to help me study. Oh, you're such a good friend, Kaeyko. I think I'm falling for you. Can I give you a passionate kiss on those sexy, full lips?"
"Try it, and I'll kill you. His lips are mine," Evelyn said, squeezing my lips with her fingers.
"Alright, I'll help you both study."
"Yay! Thanks, handsome! In another reality, my female version is sucking you off as thanks. You're welcome," that idiot said, winking.
Ugh. Why did I picture that?
"But, Kaeyko, that idiot will ruin our study date!"
"He'll get even more annoying if we ignore or exclude him. At least he won't be as bothersome if we help him a bit."
"Oh, you know me so well, Kaeyko. I think I got wet," Ether said… licking his finger…
"Do that again, and I'll kill you."
"Ugh… Well, at least I got your help," he said, smiling.
I'll only help you because, indirectly thanks to you, I met Evelyn, and my life found love. That's the only reason I'll tolerate you a bit more than I usually can.
"So… anal or…?"
"One more sex joke, and I'll kill you."
"I'm just trying to lighten the mood. What a buzzkill."
"Buzzkill? Says the third wheel? Sure," Evelyn said.
Ugh, whatever, Evelyn. Let's keep eating. I don't want to waste more time arguing… Huh? Wow, wow.
Is that… Saoto? Yeah, I think his name's Saoto, the leader of Class B. And he looks pretty… depressed. I usually see him surrounded by women with a big smile on his face, but today he looks sad and drained.
Even some girls are trying to cheer him up, but they're failing, only making him feel more miserable.
Emotional support is good, but sometimes being alone to reflect quietly is better. Being surrounded by women talking to him at the same time is just making it worse, as their voices are stressing him out.
He's such a kind guy that, even though those voices are stressing him, he doesn't ask them to leave him alone.
Being too good is bad because if you prioritize others' well-being over your own, you'll end up screwing your life, neglecting your own health for people who might not deserve your consideration.
Trust me, it's not worth being such a good guy.
Even as a little goody-two-shoes, full of kindness and goodness, that didn't help me find happiness again. No one took my side. Despite being so good, no one believed me or even tried to listen. They preferred to believe an adorable little girl just because she seemed innocent, instead of me, someone who'd never shown malice.
The victim always gets help, while the supposed perpetrator is instantly seen as the bad guy, without a chance to prove their innocence, because it's easier to empathize with someone who suffered than someone who supposedly harmed them.
Saoto ordered his food and left, still followed by the women.
Ugh… Saoto, I wonder if you're a good person because it makes you happy or because you feel obligated to be.
Because, judging by your expression, I highly doubt you enjoy your life.
"And when I woke up, I realized I was naked on the beach. Phew. I was lucky I didn't fall asleep closer to the shore, or the sea would've killed me. But, I won't deny it was worth it."
I don't know what that idiot's talking about, but since I was thinking about Saoto instead of listening, it probably wasn't important… As usual.
"So? What did you think of my little tale of personal growth, full of drama, sex, and comedy?"
"Crap," Evelyn and I said at the same time, continuing to eat.
"You guys don't know how to appreciate a good story!"
•
•
(Saoto's POV)
I'm tired… So tired.
Last place, huh?
Saik spending the class's thousand points for his own benefit. Who would've thought?
Class E turned out to be the best this time.
Saik defeated the student council president, earning more enemies.
…I'm fed up.
It's only October, and I'm already fed up with all this.
…Grandma… I'm really trying. If you're watching me from paradise, you know I'm trying. Compared to who I was a year ago, I'm completely different. I'm no longer the same trash.
But despite all my efforts to be a better person and help my classmates… I'm not achieving anything.
We'll probably be Class E after the exams.
I heard rumors that the special exam in November will definitely have expulsions in almost every class.
Expulsion at the end of the semester, before winter break.
Two expelled.
Naima, Sylphie, Saik, and Ludius have protection points, but I doubt Saik and Sylphie would use those points for others. Saik because he only thinks about himself, and Sylphie because she always obeys Saik.
Naima is… a bit violent, and I haven't talked to her much. I don't know if she'd use her protection point for a classmate.
And Ludius is Saik's friend, so I don't know if I can count on his help.
Even though our class has four protection points, I don't know if that'll prevent us from losing one of our own.
I don't know… I don't know anything…
Nothing at all… Ram is smart and all, but I also think she's like Saik, only caring about herself, though at least she knows we're useful too, and it's impossible to climb classes thinking only of herself.
Ram's the kind of person who wants to be the best at everything, and that's pretty annoying, since she's always comparing herself to Saik. Saik this, Saik that. What would Saik do?
It's honestly pretty irritating.
I don't know what to do to climb classes.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know… I don't know!
I want to keep my promise, Grandma. I want to atone for the mistakes I made in the past, but I just… can't…
I don't want to give up, not yet, but… I don't know what to do.
To climb classes, we need to be united, be a team, support each other. But Saik makes that impossible; he only thinks about himself. He even forced Naima to bet against her will, thinking they'd win, but it ended up costing them dearly.
"No one is your enemy. You have no enemies. If you live your life from conflict to conflict, you'll never find peace, and peace is the most beautiful thing in the world, Saoti."
I know, Grandma, I know. No one is my enemy, not even Saik. I don't have to hate anyone. Living with hate in my heart will only make me suffer. Being optimistic and kind to people, even if they hate me, doesn't make me weak or an idiot—it makes me someone who lives in peace.
Every life is valuable in this world, no matter what… No matter what…
I never fully agreed with that last part, Grandma. I think, yes, almost every life is equally valuable, but what about bad people? Do they deserve to live too?
No, Saoto, no… No… It's not worth thinking about people like that, for good or ill. Ignoring them is better than wishing them harm, because every life is valuable in this world.
Living without hate or resentment in my heart is living a life full of peace, and peace is the most beautiful thing in the world… But…
I don't know if I ever understood your way of seeing life, Grandma.
Trying to be happy, not thinking about problems or staying angry… it's hard.
My father is a weak man who can't stand up to my mother or sister for fear of being hated. A man who doesn't hire maids or cooks and prefers to do everything himself, afraid of being seen as useless.
My mother is an alcoholic who lives for drinking. A habit that became an addiction, and my father never dared to stop her. When he tried, it was too late.
And my delinquent younger sister… she's like that because of me… I turned her into what she is now, and when I realized my mistake and tried to fix it, it was too late. I couldn't. And though I keep trying, she doesn't listen to me and just steals from me and insults me.
I made the same mistake as my father, though I was the one who led my little sister down the wrong path.
All those girls that… I… I…
"Did Saik really do that?"
"He spent the class's thousand points on something? What an idiot."
"What did he buy?"
"We don't know. The teacher said she'll get the final report tomorrow and tell us. Saik said it was a surprise, just to mock us."
"Tsk. I really can't stand him. Who does he think he is?"
…Sitting on the grass, eating with these girls, makes me feel so… guilty… So very… guilty…
Because of me… I… I'm a monster. Do I really deserve friends?
Everyone deserves to be happy, but… does someone like me deserve happiness?
Or rather, does someone like me have the right to judge Saik's actions? Do I have the right to criticize him, considering all the horrible things I did in the past?
No… I don't have that right, but I do it… I'm a hypocritical piece of trash.
My only goal at this school is to be a good student, that's all. Why did I volunteer to be president? Why do I care so much about my classmates? I even went so far as to kiss Saik and was willing to have sex with him to get his help.
Did I do all that because I genuinely want to help, or because I think it'll absolve my past sins?
…I'm not a good person, Grandma… Not yet. I still have a lot to learn.
A lot…
"Sorry, I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back."
I got up from the ground and started walking, trying to keep my teary eyes from spiraling out of control.
Don't cry, Saoto, don't cry.
"Grandma, the past can't be changed, I know."
Even if I try to ignore it and move forward, it'll always haunt me.
"I'm a monster trying to be a good person. I have no enemies. I don't hate anyone… But I don't live in peace."
Helping my classmates is a way to redeem my mistakes, but if I help others just to feel better about myself, can my actions be considered good?
I don't know… I don't understand anything… Nothing…
"Grandma… I wish you were here with me."
I didn't appreciate you while you were alive, and the last thing I said to you was an insult… "Shut up, you useless old hag! It's my life; you can't tell me what to do, you miserable crone!"
…The last thing I said to you…
The guard at the gate asked for my ID to let me leave. I gave it to him and left the school.
I'll lose positive points for leaving school, but I don't care. I need to be alone.
Alone… alone…
…People fight with the living and only appreciate them when they're dead. They fight with the living and give flowers to the dead… A phrase that perfectly describes me. I only realized your value when you were no longer by my side, Grandma.
"I'm trash."
I reached a park and was about to sit on a bench when I saw something that completely broke me.
A group of kids, smoking and drinking in broad daylight. Kids my age, maybe younger. Probably students… And among them is my little sister… kissing one of them… while he gropes… her rear…
"No one is my enemy, right, Grandma?"
It's a belief I deeply respect, but… just this once…
"I won't respect it."
If I don't do something, my little sister could ruin her life forever. She just turned 15; it's not too late for her.
"No one is my enemy, but if I do nothing, my little sister… she… could throw her life away."
Unwanted pregnancies are very common, and from personal experience, I know all too well the pain that can cause a mother.
That guy looks older than her, maybe 20, or even 18. I won't let him ruin my sister's life…
But… I can't bring myself to approach… I don't want to break the promise I made to my grandma.
Violence doesn't the answer. Violence only breeds more violence.
But… how can I stop my sister from ruining her life without using violence?
I don't know… I don't know…
I'm… useless…
"A complete useless."
Tears… I'm crying… I'm so pathetic.
I can't bring myself to break the promise I made to my grandma, but I also don't know how to help my sister without resorting to violence.
I'm so useless, I can't even resolve a conflict without violence.
Am I… am I even useful for anything?
"I'm useless…"
"Who the hell do you think you are?!"
Huh?
I wiped my tears and looked up. Who spoke to me?
No, it wasn't directed at me, but why did it sound like the person was right in front of me?
The guy groping my sister is now grabbing a man by the neck.
Where are the enforcers when you need them?
The security cameras are active; they'll be here soon. I need to get my sister out of here before they arrive. I don't want her getting into more trouble… Huh?
He ran off? That guy fled in terror?
L-let's recap. That man was talking, I think, and something he said scared the guy. Did he threaten him with something?
The man rubbed his neck and walked away, as if nothing had happened, while the others stood stunned, unsure what to do.
Yeah, I'm just as confused as they are. What did he say to scare him off like that? I don't know, but it's definitely something illegal or dangerous.
The man's gone now, so I head toward my sister to take her back to school.
She saw me and looked away, as if I were a bother to her.
Yeah, yeah, little sis, your big brother's about to embarrass you in front of all your so-called "friends." And you know what? I don't care, because it's for your own good sake.
"Hey, kids. Getting along well with my little sis?"
"Tsk. What are you doing here, goody-two-shoes? Shouldn't you be back at school, idiot?"
"Oh, worried about your big brother? How sweet, isn't it?"
Her friends chuckled a bit, and one of the girls is looking at me in a very… curious way. I know full well that my physical appearance is attractive to women (after all, I used to take advantage of that in the past), but I swore I'd never exploit my looks again.
"Tsk."
Ouch… she slapped me.
It hurt, but if I want to resolve this without violence, I have to.
People who use violence aim to make others feel inferior, miserable. Delinquents like my sister look for victims to exploit. In other words, if I don't give her what she wants from me, she won't win, and neither will I. We'll be equals, which is what I'm aiming for.
"Get out of here, idiot."
"Oh, as tsundere as ever. Cute, right, guys?"
W-wow… she grabbed my collar. You're smaller than me, little sis. You don't scare me, you just make me feel a bit of pity and… guilt. But you don't scare me, and I'm definitely not intimidated.
The only reason I always obeyed you and let you abuse me was because I felt guilty for turning you into this, but no more not anymore.
Seeing you being groped by that guy made me realize… I was wrong to give you too much freedom. I thought you'd realize your mistakes on your own, because I was afraid of messing it up again, like always.
I was a coward, too scared to act for fear of failure, but no more. I failed my classmates as a leader. I failed my grandma. But I absolutely don't want to fail you too… Not again.
I already made one mistake, a mistake I don't want to repeat.
"I told you to get lost!"
She raised her fist, trying to intimidate me.
I just smiled at her.
"If it makes you feel better, do it, little sis. I'll always love you, even if you don't. I'll always want what's best for you."
"Tsk. You're so annoying."
She punched me in the stomach.
It didn't hurt much, since she doesn't have much strength… Or… did she hold back? I hope it's the latter, because it'd mean my adorable, innocent little sister is still in there somewhere.
"Let's go."
"Sure. Wanna hit the movies?"
"Not you! you idiot!"
"Excluding me? Oh, poor me."
I'm acting pretty ridiculous, and it's embarrassing, but acting goofy shows that what she's doing isn't affecting me, so her violence has no effect on me.
"Fine, I'm leaving."
I jogged off and blew a kiss at my sister, embarrassing her in front of her friends.
"Love you, sis! See ya at home!"
"Drop dead!!"
"Drop dead"? What a childish comeback. Definitely, her pure, innocent self is still in there. Does she act tough to fit in with her friends or to pretend she's stronger than she really is?
Trust me, sis, I've been there, and I managed to mature. I matured too late, but I did it. I hope you don't don't make the same mistake I did. I hope you can mature without any regrets. And by that, I don't just mean regretting your past mistakes and the harm you caused not only to your loved ones but also to others, but also that I hope you don't mature after losing someone important to you.
I matured after losing my grandma, something I regret to this day. I hope you don't don't have to suffer that much to mature, like an unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, or… the death of a loved one.
Our mother's alcoholism could kill her any day, just like the stress on our dad… Or… even I could die.
A lot of people hold grudges against me, so many that some might even want to hurt me.
Little sis, I hope you appreciate my company, love, and support…
Because I might not be by your side much longer.
I try to avoid thinking about that…
But it's a reality I've accepted.
•
"Why'd you do that? We just wasted time," Syln said, walking beside Sheik (the younger twin) down the street in human disguises, blending in as ordinary pedestrians.
He just smiled.
"Someone who cares about their sister deserves my help."
"Tsk. He was an insignificant human. Don't waste time on stupid stuff, idiot."
"Humanoid, Elf, Fairy, Demon—whatever. As long as they care about their sister, especially a younger sister, they deserve my help."
"No wonder your sister is the leader and you just follow orders. You're a sentimental useless sentimental fool."
"Yeah, I am, and I'm happy that way."
Syln gave him a disgusted look and sighed.
"Whatever. Back to what matters, if Angel turned out to be… Hey."
He suddenly stopped and stared at someone. A little girl with Down syndrome, playing with her mom.
Seeing her laugh and have fun with her mom made him smile. A smile that lasted two seconds before fading.
"…"
He stayed silent, but after watching her for five seconds, he lightly tapped his forehead with his index finger and kept walking.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Why'd your sister send you? Stop wasting time."
"Yeah, sorry."