Ever since the day I had confronted Elena with the truth about this marriage. There was a slight relief, but somewhere with it was the burden of the same truth. There was nothing about this that seemed fair, justified or even close to good. Even in the garden Elena had stayed quiet. A part of me kept comparing her to how she used to be before this mess. The liveliness, the kind smile and chatter had as if disappeared from her. I had never liked that, yet a part of me had always appreciated how she chose to light up the rooms instead of blending in. If the Canvas was stark black, she wasn't just white, she was the gold stroke over it.
I deserve better. That's what she had said to me a few minutes ago, and somewhere those words stayed with me. So did I?
I cleared my throat, pushing the thoughts aside. I had long left the garden yet it was as if I was still alone, still in my own world. I heard a voice, reminding me of where I was seated.
"Elena I am surprised you agreed so easily." It was mother. Of-course, she had the same old habit to press a nerve. I shifted my eyes to her from the dish in front of me. I noticed her subtle smile, pointed right beside me. I looked down, continuing to eat.
Elena stayed silent for a few seconds. What answer could she possibly have?
"I did not have much choice actually, I did not want to get married to your son." She muttered. My hold tightened on the fork. My eyes did not move. My jaw hardly made any movements.
"ELENA!" It was Elena's father's voice. And for some reason, more than her words, the angered tone itched a wound. Maybe it was because it mirrored what I suppressed.
"What's there to hide father? Everyone knows the truth." She talked back. Her voice remained calm and perfectly composed. She got up and left the table. Silence spread around us. I let the knife and fork fall back into the plate, and wiped my mouth. A few more seconds passed, none of us said a thing. I could feel their lingering stares on me.
I looked up. My eyes running across the table and stopping at Mr. Zhao, whose face screamed disappointment. I inhaled a breath.
"Watch your voice with her from now Mr Zhao. She will be my wife in a couple more days." I pushed back the chair, getting up. My eyes remained pinned on Mr Zhao. I could hear my father whisper my name. Before he could say anything, I cut him off.
"Moreover, she is right. All of us pretending like it is a happy arrangement is just making this situation even more pathetic." I ran my eyes across the table once again.
"Excuse me." I left, my feet as if knew where to find Elena. My every step was heavier than last. I ran a hand through my hair walking down the hall. I wasn't sure if I felt stressed, angered or frustrated. maybe everything at once, or too much at once.
There she was; leaning against a pillar looking down at her hands.
I stopped just a step away and she looked up, crossing her arms. "What now?" Another angry remark.
"Drop that tone with me Elena, you're not the only one suffering in this." My voice was colder than I expected. My jaw tensed as I looked at her cocky expression. An irritation was starting to build with how she had been acting all this while. Ignorant and like an only victim? Did my suffering not count? Did she think I had chosen to be a part of this mess willingly? She was wrong.
"And what if I really am the only one suffering?" She stood straight, shutting the distance. Again that voice, one with the disgust laced expression.
I leaned forward, matching her height. "One more time you talk with me that way, you will have to deal with my way of correcting it." My one hand pinned beside her head and other remained by my side. She did not move, her face remained a couple inch away. She scoffed and looked away for a second.
"I have never been afraid of you Johnathan, save these warnings for someone else." She said. Even if Elena would never agree, her voice had softened, and so were her eyes. I noticed how her eyes danced between my eyes and my lips.
"Since we would not be seeing each other until the wedding, I want to remind you something. If you show up, that simply means you will agree to be my wife. Think wisely once again." I watched her face starting to fall. Her big brown eyes lost the flare that barely had lit. Her lips straightened and then she tucked the lower one in very gently, hiding it beneath the upper one.
I looked back at her eyes. She blinked gently before she looked away.
"You have fun reminding me that I am losing to you?" She said.
I inhaled a deep breath, pulling myself back, adding distance between us. "Is that what you think I am doing?"
"Yes." She leaned back again.
I turned around, deciding to leave. Her scent lingered too strongly around me. I had taken a few steps when I heard her call my name. It wasn't what I expected. I paused and looked back. As soon as I did she looked away.
"After the vows, do not kiss me." She said, meeting my stare once again. Her expression, serious. I fully faced her putting my hands in my pant pockets. Amusement spread through my chest. Out of everything, she had the oddest thing to say.
"Is that what worries you about this marriage?" I asked, a small smile was starting to form on my lips, but I held back.
I noticed how her mouth opened and closed a couple times before she finally spoke. "There are other things too, but this matters to me." She said, not meeting my stare this time. I could already see the movement of her hands.
"Let me guess, our first night?" I voiced out. Her eyes shot up to my face. A surprise remained held in them yet I could see the small lift of her lips. She brushed me off with a wave of her hand.
"You're unbearable." She was the one to walk away leaving me behind on my own. I sighed, walking away too. My smile dissolved as I neared the mansion's door again.
Next time I would be seeing her, we will be saying vows to the other.