Suna carefully left the room. They looked at her. With their sharp gazes. How weird, they must've thought. Strange girl, they must've seen her as. Suna could not bear these gazes. She briskly walked forward, her gaze fixed on the backs of her two friends.
These people think I'm weird. They think I'm useless, they think I'm not normal. Suna's mind was filled with these thoughts. This judgement, that may as well have been truth to Suna. After all. There was too much evidence for Suna to dismiss the thought. And, she saw herself. She compared herself to 'normal' people. She was different. Starkly different.
The forest. Get away from these people. They're not 'like' you. Leave. But Suna would not give in to the voice in her head. She kept looking at her Friends. People were different. Her Friends wouldn't look at her like that, They wouldn't treat her like that. They saw her for who she was. So why couldn't everybody do that? Why didn't anyone understand?
The crowd. Those murky, burning, entropic gazes, that pierced her, even to this very moment. She could not forget, she couldn't simply 'move on' from it. They were still looking at her. Still judging her. She was not free, from their intangible vitriol, weaponized so acutely to inflict pain on Suna until the day she died.
She was overreacting. She could tell. She saw how little rationale she was behaving with. She reasoned that these villagers must be thankful for the threat to their safety being removed, by Beryl, the day before. That kid, they must have appreciated her actions, standing in front of that crowd must not have been a meaningless sacrifice.
But what if. What if, deeper down, their true feelings and thoughts were that she was abnormal? I mean, wasn't she? Who looks at someone who acts so childishly, so abnormally, and considers them normal? Who doesn't judge such a person? She'd judge someone like that. She would think of them as weird, as different than her, as abnormal. She'd judge them. They'd judge her. Because that was normal.
Suna hated this. She hated everybody. She hated people. She hated this society. She never had to worry about this back on Yrma. At least there, you knew everyone was out for themselves; everybody stupid enough to trust someone died early on. But here, she just couldn't tell. She couldn't tell if she was right, if she was onto something, or if this was all in her head, if it was all some irrational fabrication. It was likely that the true answer lay somewhere in between, but that assessment didn't ease Suna at all. It simply fed her irrational worry. She hated it. She hated this.
And really? Truly? Yes. She could just ignore it all. She could just sacrifice a part of her, and become 'like everyone else'. Doing that would certainly ease her pain and worry. But she couldn't. That was simply too much. Too much of a concession, too much of a sacrifice. Cutting off parts of her felt no different than tragic self-mutilation, she could not do it. So… she'd be abnormal. Forever. She would never, Ever, be looked at normally. She would never be a true part of this society. She would never be accepted. She would never be looked at, as a normal, Human, Being. She would forever, eternally, be something else. A Monster.
They were already a decent way through a wagon ride. Suna didn't care, or pay any attention to where they were going, or what they were gonna do. She was too busy in her own head. She saw her Friends, their worry. They were giving her space, they were Respecting her. She didn't mind that. But she knew. Deep down. They must see her. As weird. As Abnormal. This, was a terrible feeling. That even her most trusted Companions likely didn't think of her as a normal person. Because she couldn't be. How could she? She wasn't normal.
Suna shivered, coming to this twisted conclusion. She crumpled up even further, she directed her gaze at no one, at Nothing. Her body shivered. Her breathing was constricted. She sought not to interact with this world more than she had to. It was all too much. She was scared. She was frightened. By everything. By uncertainty. She was scared…
They got off at some town. They brought her to some room. She huddled in the corner, her small pack over her head. They said words to her. She didn't really hear them, she didn't process them. They let out sighs, and gave looks of confused worry. They slept. Suna couldn't. She hadn't.
Suna didn't bother keeping track of the time. She refused to leave that corner. She refused to move. Lilt and Beryl tried different things: they tried gently touching her, they tried speaking to her, they tried leaving her alone. But it was all being met with the same thing. A frightened, shivering, irresponsive Suna.
Suna heard them discuss with each other, argue with each other, worry with each other. She felt bad. For causing them hurt, and worry. But she couldn't. She couldn't move. She couldn't go back out there. She just couldn't. Not after seeing what People were really like. She wasn't one of them. She wasn't Normal.
A while passed. Lilt and Beryl seemed a bit tired at points. They must've been working, or doing something, in this town. They were really worried, though. When Suna didn't touch or eat any food or water that was given to her. They started really worrying. But Suna knew. She could last a long, long time without those things. She wanted to express, that she was fine, that she wasn't dying. That, maybe, with just a bit more time, she could resolve herself to get back up. To go back out, into that treacherous world, and face its dangers and horrors. But she just couldn't, right now. She didn't want to, there was no reason to. What was the point? Just so she could be ridiculed, beaten up, and judged even more? That just didn't make sense to Suna. So she waited. Maybe something would change, within her. Maybe the world, would change. Maybe. Maybe…
"please… hit me…"
Huh? That's a weird thing to say, isn't it?
"please… hit me…"
The sentence was being repeated. Over and over. Suna couldn't make sense of it.
She had stopped opening her eyes. She had stopped moving, altogether. She just wanted to be left alone, in her corner. She'd feel okay, at some point…
"...please… forgive me…"
The voice was hoarse. Quiet. Weak.
"...please, Suna, please… just hit me… please…"
Suna was becoming really confused. Her eyelids were heavy. She didn't know for how long they had been closed. But, she slowly, opened them.
Fear. She had forgotten. She had been too distracted. Oh, It was just too much. Everything, nothing would leave her alone. She should've found a better hiding spot. It seemed… she was going to Die, today.
She didn't fight. She didn't squirm. She didn't feel like doing either of those things. A part of her… accepted her fate. She would die.
So she didn't move. Seeing her in front of her.
"..."
"..."
They saw her open eyes. They saw the sorts of… no. She couldn't describe what she saw on Suna's face, in her eyes. But it wasn't good. Her Friend was not doing well. And it… was her fault. She let her get like this. She caused this. Angie cried, in a very, broken, way.
Suna didn't know what to say. Where was it? Where was Death? Isn't that what this person was going to administer to her? Isn't that what she was? Death?
Suna's heart bled. It had been bleeding. But seeing her, she became all the more aware of her emotional torment, of her open, bleeding wound. She shivered. In pain. In hurt. Her eyes teared up. But her body remained motionless.
"..."
"...I'm sorry. Suna." She spoke to her.
"..."
"...I… I was stupid. I was so, so, stupid. I, I hurt you. I hurt you, really badly." Her voice broke. "I, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry." She cried. She keeled over.
"..." Suna was struggling, to keep her own cries in check.
Oh no.I… messed up…
This person… wasn't trying to hurt them. She made a mistake. This person… was hurting. Just as much as she was.
"I… I was so Stupid! I… It… It, was…"
Saying these words took all of Angie's Spirit, she was close, close to Breaking,
"It was, My, Fault…"
Angie was struggling.
"It was… my fault… that… that mom… died…"
Suna heard. In her voice. How much she was going through right now. She… began reevaluating.
"Sniffle, it, I'm sorry. I-, I hurt you, Suna. But you… all you, all you ever wanted, to do… was h-h-help, me…" Her voice quivered and wavered, she could barely speak coherently.
"...angie." Angie's eyes and face shot up. She waited, with bated breath, for Suna's next words.
"...I'm… I'm sorry, Angie… I…" Suna struggled. To breathe, to talk, to function. "...I… I promised… to protect you… and… and look at me…" Suna's voice was as quiet as a whisper. "I'm… I'm so, so… stupid… and weak… and, and-..." Her voice broke off. Suna couldn't find the words she wanted to say. She could barely process what she was experiencing, in this moment.
Suna looked up. Angie… made an expression. Suna forced her body to move. She inched closer.
"N-N-No, Suna, I-I-I-I'm, the, t-the one, who's-"
Suna did it. She bridged the gap. A seemingly large, impassable, bottomless gap. But, in reality… it was so short. So tiny. She hugged Angie. And the two cried. They had words to say, feelings to express… but they couldn't. There were too many, their emotions too deep and vast. They struggled. Just to remain upright, to remain conscious, to not let their emotions overtake them. Somewhere, somewhere, deep in the sea of the messy whirlpools of their exchange of emotions, something, Something was conveyed. It was something, that when they found it, they clung to. Their Hope. That this other person… they were hurt, but they… didn't Hate them. They didn't want to hurt them. No, they… they just, wanted to live. They wanted to exist. That was it. That was all. No deception, no desire for revenge, no ill will, no doubt, nothing. But the desire. To be with this person again. To be able to call them a Friend. To be able to call themselves a Friend. A Friend, someone, to live with. To experience the cruel, uncertain waters of the World, of Existence, with.
And some part of their hearts, which bled, profusely. It closed a little back up. A scar remained, a painful memory remained. But they didn't care. For they had something Precious, in their arms. Something so valuable, that any amount of Pain could be tolerated, just to be able to touch it, to be with it.
There were many things the two wanted to say. Angie wanted to apologize even more, she wanted Suna to get back at her, to even the scales. But, she knew that Suna wouldn't punch her. Suna… was too Kind. Too Bright.
Suna wanted to ask Angie if this was all some sort of Dream. If she was Real. She wanted to confirm that Angie really, truly, was sorry. She wanted to ask what she did wrong, she wanted to know, so that she wouldn't make the same mistake again. But Suna knew. That this was Real. That Angie felt bad for what she did. That she was simply hurting. Suna understood. That people don't act normally when they're Hurting. She thought of the crowd of Hunters. Maybe… maybe they were hurting. She remembered Lilt, who didn't let Suna into their room after they saw their Brother. They were hurting… She thought of Beryl. She was hurting. She thought of… No. She didn't think of Her. She couldn't. She wasn't ready for that.
The two slept. On the bed. In each other's arms. Suna… had missed Angie. She missed her gentle embrace. It was hard to describe. Everyone hugged differently. But it was hard to put into words. Angie… she missed her hugs. She missed Angie. She tightened her embrace, her head pushed up against Angie's chest. She missed her.
Suna saw the Sun. She looked at Angie, who still looked apprehensive, who still Hurt, who still had Doubts. And she squeezed her hand. And she Smiled. She walked, leading Angie, over to her two Friends, who were flabbergasted, yet so, so Joyful. To see Suna back on her Feet. They ran to her. And they all Embraced.
End of Part Two: Friends