As schools across the United States began their summer vacations, the hottest season of the year—summer blockbuster season—arrived once again. However, entering June, the most attention-grabbing event was not the sci-fi blockbuster Terminator 2 scheduled to premiere on Independence Day, nor was it the red bear gradually heading toward its imperial end, nor even the still-burning Kuwaiti oil fields. What first ignited the summer season was a single song.
"Good evening, listeners. This is the NPR Music Special Program. I'm your old friend, Mark Winster. Music is a bridge of communication between people; music can cleanse the soul. A heavenly song can leave you reminiscing endlessly, and a good song can accompany you into your dreams. So what makes a good song? Don't worry—let Mark give you a recommendation!"
"Maybe some of you want to complain—'Mark, what the hell are you recommending? These are all songs from the 1980s! Can you stop recommending Madonna and Whitney Houston? I've had enough!' Well then, today Mark will fulfill your wish and recommend a new song—a song by an eleven-year-old boy, Ryan Jenkins. Yes! You heard me right, Ryan Jenkins—the Los Angeles boy. Alright, before we play the song, here's a word of warning: if you're eating or drinking, please swallow immediately, or you'll have to bear the consequences!"
"Please enjoy the super genius's first single—"He"!"
Playful and upbeat music flowed through the radio into countless ears. Just the prelude alone caught the attention of many listeners. But when Ryan's pure yet slightly husky voice started singing, most people's mouths fell open in surprise.
"He is the brightest star in the sky. He rises, speaking with a charming voice. Beautiful words that shock the soul—turns out they're the eternal frost that can wound people!
Flashing lights and blaring alarms—he's like the eyes of an evil dragon, staring at innocent children and beautiful women, casting slanderous torture upon them…"
He? Who is he? Upon hearing the song, listeners immediately pictured a handsome face, a clever and mischievous boy, and couldn't help but burst out laughing.
Overworked employees burdened by stress let out their worries in laughter; teenagers confused by puberty smiled brightly again; unemployed workers under a dark cloud of uncertainty gradually regained confidence in the laughter.
Just like countless music critics have said: a great song always resonates with people. This song is catchy and lighthearted, yet full of satire, naturally reminding people of the conflict between Ryan Jenkins and Tom Cruise.
They seemed to see a scrawny boy being bullied by a famous adult star, unable to fight back, singing a cheeky song and running away, leaving only sarcasm behind.
With Disney's distribution channels, the single quickly appeared in record stores nationwide. With such juicy drama, tabloids big and small jumped at the chance to rehash all the details of the past feud. Major TV stations also replayed the footage of the altercation.
In no time, Ryan Jenkins and Tom Cruise became household names across America. Even if you interviewed a homeless person on the street, they could recount bits and pieces of the story between the two.
But this time, Ryan was once again on the side of justice. After all, there wasn't a single insult in the lyrics, and the tune wasn't dark or vicious. It felt more like a mischievous act by a child.
Tom Cruise once again became the target of public criticism. It's unclear which tabloid bribed the infamous Jenkins couple, but they came forward to reveal that they were not Ryan's real parents. They claimed they were hired and paid handsomely to act as such.
Although there was no direct evidence pointing to Tom Cruise, the media still couldn't wait to slap the blame on the pretty boy actor, using vague terms like "perhaps," "maybe," and "likely."
These people wouldn't hesitate to frame Jehovah if it meant grabbing attention—let alone this case, which might not even be framing at all.
It had to be said: in this life, without the damage from Pat Kingsley, Tom Cruise's shortcomings began to show. His current agent had limited crisis management skills, putting him at an increasing disadvantage. Even some of his fans, when interviewed, expressed disappointment in their idol.
"I'm very disappointed. I've always liked Tommy, but I can't understand why a grown-up superstar would go out of his way to target a minor. Someone like that doesn't deserve my admiration anymore!"
With such a controversial and discussion-worthy song, it was destined to become a hit. Not to mention, the song was top-quality, and over the past year, Ryan had accumulated a substantial fan base of readers and moviegoers. These loyal fans might not have been able to help in his fight with Tom Cruise, but they could support their idol by buying the single.
Many media outlets even tried to ask Ryan directly whether he was Tom Cruise. But Ryan wasn't stupid—of course he wouldn't admit it. Anyway, everyone knew without needing to say it out loud.
Adults might enjoy the song and then move on, but to teenagers, it was a rare gem. Especially this kind of cleverly crafted comeback—it was exactly their thing. Keep in mind, Eminem hadn't debuted yet, and little Taylor wasn't even a loli. This kind of cheeky, curse-free roasting was especially eye-catching.
And teenagers are the main consumer group in the entertainment market. With Ryan wearing the halo of a super genius, the sales of this single were naturally impressive.
After the first week, "He" sold 113,000 copies. While that couldn't compare with well-established stars, for a newcomer, it was already an excellent result.
Amusingly, this song became the go-to track for dissing people. Many teenagers rewrote the lyrics to target those they hated, singing it everywhere. This expanded the song's influence even further, increasing radio requests and pushing up sales.
When the latest Billboard rankings were released, "He" had jumped to seventh place.
But compared to the song itself, most of the media attention was focused on the singer. After all, that boy was just too astonishing. Even though most people already knew from the footage of his conflict with Tom Cruise that Ryan had remarkable musical talent, no one expected him to actually release a single—and in such a jaw-dropping manner.
The latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine only gave a brief review of the song. The main focus was on Ryan Jenkins himself.
"There's no doubt that "He" is an excellent song. Ryan's lighthearted humming showcases the song's liveliness and playfulness. Even though his singing voice still has some flaws, let's not forget—he's only eleven years old. To achieve this at his age is truly remarkable."
"Additionally, Ryan is not only the performer of the song, but also its lyricist and composer. This single appears to be a trial run. We believe this Los Angeles boy will soon release his own album."
Compared to other media, The Los Angeles Times's Mick Taylor once again got an exclusive scoop. In his entertainment column, he wrote:
"We've learned from sources inside Disney that He was created by Ryan just half an hour after holding a press conference at Disney. Thinking back to when he wrote another song in just over thirty minutes at the Hilton Hotel, perhaps we should call him 'Mr. Half-Hour'?"
"Clearly, Ryan Jenkins is a masterpiece of God. He possesses outstanding artistic talent and has already shown extraordinary ability in literature, film, and music. He is a treasure bestowed upon Hollywood by the Lord."
A few days later, Hollywood Records also accepted a reporter's interview. Music director John Burns said the following:
"Yes, we've signed an album contract with Ryan. He was indeed just a test run. What? Sales? No, no, no—not surprising at all. Everyone in America knows just how outstanding this song is and how brilliant Ryan is. In my opinion, Ryan has rare musical talent—perhaps even exceeding his abilities in writing and acting. Among his peers, he's the best."
"Yes, I have something to say to him: Ryan, you should focus all your energy on music. You'll achieve amazing things here. Okay, let's just hope his readers and movie fans don't get upset about that."
"His album? Not happening in the short term. Why? Simple—he's entering puberty and his voice is changing. We must protect his vocal cords. Yes, once he's through the voice change, we'll prioritize album production."
"Song collecting? Not necessary. In fact, Ryan has already prepared all the songs for the album. That's right! All lyrics and compositions will be done by him alone."
As time went on, the song's popularity spread further. After the second week, He unexpectedly reached the top of the Billboard chart. Ryan had his first number-one single, with total sales hitting 250,000 copies. Hollywood Records finally saw hope—a chance to gain a share of the record market.
"Reed, the record label must be ready. As long as Ryan Jenkins is in suitable condition, we must immediately start album production. I don't care what the reason is—someone must be assigned to monitor his condition throughout puberty and report back promptly."
Disney was holding a board meeting. As project leads on this recent major endeavor, Reed Miles and Carter Eisner were allowed to attend as exceptions. Speaking was CEO Michael Eisner.
"Carter, when will the Home Alone sequel start production?" he asked his nephew.
"Ryan refused to act in it. He has authorized us to write the script and produce the sequel," Carter quickly explained. "Actually, Ryan's development over the past year has been too fast—both in height and appearance. He really isn't suitable to play a cute, funny child role anymore."
The Disney board members recalled what Ryan looked like now and all nodded. It was true. If he acted in the sequel, it might be a disaster.
"But he did recommend someone suitable," Carter added. "Macaulay Culkin, who once starred in Uncle Buck. We've contacted him—it's looking promising. Of course, he's no Ryan."