It was 7 years ago when I first got to the cabin, I still remember it like it was yesterday.
"This will be your new home." Ms. Valeria said grinning ear to ear. Even then her hair was fully grey.
I stayed attached to her pants leg as she dragged me along to the front door. With my other hand I tightly gripped my paintbrush—the only thing still connecting me to my past.
Apparently when Ms. Valeria found me all I had on me was this singular paintbrush. She said I held onto it with my life.
Even now I don't remember much from those days. I may not have the memories but the emotions have never left.
My feelings were hurt, I was lonely, and I was scared—so scared. That feeling of emptiness still lingers in me today.
As we slowly stepped through the cabin doors it was the first time I smelt that sweet pastry scent in the air.
I sat on the living room couch as she gathered all of the kids to meet me. 5 children grouped up in front of me as the introductions started.
"Okay everyone!" Ms. Valeria announced clapping her hands. "This is our newest friend. His name is Simon." She bent down to me whispering in my ear. "Introduce yourself to everyone, this will be your new family."
Sinking into the couch I spoke to the others for the first time."Hi, I'm Simon, nice to meet you all."
I spoke quietly and avoided eye contact with the others. Ms. Valeria giggled as I introduced myself. "Okay now everyone, one by one introduce yourselves to Simon."
The first one to introduce themselves was Runi. Running to the front of the group she yelled out with a huge smile. "Hi, Limon."
I got so defensive over that. "It's Simon, not Limon." I moaned as I pouted and sunk deeper into the couch.
Runi was the first interaction I can remember with someone close to my age, that could explain why I grew an attachment to her.
The next kid to introduce themselves was Marcel. He walked forward, giving me direct eye contact with a blank face. "I'm Marcel, it's nice to meet you."
I looked at him with confusion. When we were younger he looked a lot more feminine.
After Marcel it was Luther. He stepped forward, puffing out his chest and putting his hands on his hips. "I'm Luther, but I'm 9 and you are only 8 so you can't talk to me." He proudly marched back to the group.
After Luther it was Dahlia. "Hello, I'm Dahlia." Dahlia looked at me and smiled. "I love your short hair!"
Dahlia had the same type of hair as mine being short and black. Funny enough that's something we bonded over and it's how our relationship started.
The last kid to introduce themselves was Cleo—snot nosed Cleo. Thinking about it still makes me laugh. When he introduced himself he had a cold and his nose constantly ran.
Cleo walked forward, wiping his nose and sniffling "I'm Cleo, and I'm the coolest one here." he said with a pleased look on his face.
Now that I think about it Alex never introduced himself to me. I don't even recall him being in the cabin when I got there. He was probably sleeping somewhere knowing him, and Jackson wasn't even at the cabin yet. He joined a bit after I did.
I get so nostalgic reminiscing about my first couple of days. Runi always tried to make friends with me but I was super closed off—only talking to Ms. Valeria.
I remember I would set my canvas up in the backyard and paint while Runi ran around trying to grab my attention. I always ignored her until one day she ran right into my canvas—ruining my painting.
Runi was covered in paint yet she still smiled at me. "Sorry for knocking your stand over."
Standing up from my seat I looked around at the jumble of colors tainting the grass. This is the earliest memory of anger I remember having.
"You're so annoying, why can't you just disappear!"
Runi's face went dark. She didn't cry, she didn't even tell Ms. Valeria what happened, she just walked away and got cleaned up.
Only 2 weeks passed with Runi not talking to me but it made me feel so lonely. I was really stupid enough to shut out the only person who cared to make a connection with me.
I became somewhat depressed. It felt like I was barely living. My life had the same cycle of eating, sleeping, and painting repeatedly.
Another couple of days passed. I was painting in the backyard when I heard someone walking behind me, it was Marcel.
He walked closer to me—his eyes glaring into mine. I froze. Before I could say a word he smacked me as I fell to my knees.
I was in shock. I kneeled on the ground as I looked up at Marcel. Even for his feminine appearance at that moment he seemed like a real man to me.
He looked down on me. It was the first time I saw that look in his eyes, that calm, yet intimidating stare. "You know you made Runi cry right?"
I didn't know how to respond. Getting back to my feet I shoved Marcel. "Well maybe if she wasn't so annoying all the time I wouldn't have said that!" I yelled.
I hate that I said those words.
Marcel tackled me to the ground as we began to punch and kick each other.
The noise must've alerted Runi as she ran outside. Seeing our brawl she immediately called for Ms. Valeria who tore us apart from each other.
I stood in Ms. Valeria's arms as Runi walked Marcel back into the cabin. With tears down my face I looked up at her. "I hate it here!"
Ms. Valeria held me but didn't say a word. For being the only person I thought I felt happy being around her lack of expression hurt.
Like a coward, I tried to run away. I pushed myself away from Ms. Valeria as I walked into the cabin and out through the front door.
As I walked down the forest pathway I looked back expecting Ms. Valeria or someone to come after me, someone to force me to stay, but no one was there.
Walking deeper into the woods I eventually got closer to the big oak tree. I stared at the tree for a moment before raising my foot to walk through the dark path.
"Stop." It was a familiar voice coming from behind me.
I stood dead in my tracks—almost like a spell was cast over me. I turned around to see Ms. Valeria as she pulled something out of her dress pocket.
"Would you really leave without your paintbrush?" She said in a condescending tone, waving my paintbrush in the air. She tossed the paintbrush to me as I ran to catch it.
"You can leave if you want." Her face deepened, "But it's dangerous past the big oak tree." Without saying another word Ms. Valeria began to walk back to the cabin.
She struck utter fear in my heart as her words rang in my head. I took some steps back from the oak tree as I fell into the dirt.
I sat for a long while before gathering the courage to return to the cabin. I wanted to make things right—apologize to Runi for what I said.
I still remember that walk of shame back to the cabin. I thought to myself what if she doesn't like me anymore or what if she doesn't accept my apology.
The cabin soon came into view. I slowly walked up the porch steps as I stood at the front door for a bit—hesitant to open it.
I finally opened the door—my other hand tightly gripping my paintbrush. The sweet pastry smell wasn't enough to calm me down that day.
As I walked through the living room Cleo and Dahlia shot looks at me but didn't say a word. Luther walked past me as I felt his gaze in my whole body. It felt like everyone in the cabin hated me.
I made my way to the bedroom and stood in front of the door. I would have backed down if it wasn't for Ms. Valeria giving me a pat on the back as I stood there.
I looked up as she put her hand on my head giving me that same heartfelt smile. Taking a deep breath I opened the bedroom door.
Upon walking inside Runi, laying in her bed, glanced at me then closed her eyes again.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled out, but Runi didn't move a muscle. I looked down at my paintbrush, then back at Runi.
"Come on, listen to me Runi, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to disappear I was just mad."
She still layed there. A wave of panic washed over me.
Those ideas of her not liking me began to bear fruits. The only person my age who had interest in me hated me, the only person who gave me faint smiles and laughs under my breath.
I didn't realize it at the time but if it wasn't for Runi always messing with me I would have felt so empty.
Looking down to my paintbrush I could feel my emotions swelling up. That day, the paintbrush that meant so much to me felt like a divider. On that day, I actually put someone before my paintbrush.
I threw my paintbrush on the floor. "You were never annoying, you actually made me happy everytime you bothered me. I don't care about the painting you messed up, you're more important than a stupid painting!"
It was the first time I've ever said something like that.
Runi opened one eye as she looked at me and burst out laughing. "Oh man, I didn't know you liked me that much." she teased.
I was stunned hearing her laugh like that. I quickly became embarrassed as I rushed to pick up my paintbrush.
Runi hopped out of her bed as she began to leave. "Well if you insist, I'll bother you for the rest of your life." She then smiled at me, it was a smile I started to long for, and a smile I began to love.
Ms. Valeria, who I can only assume waited outside, walked in as she kneeled down to me. "That wasn't so hard now was it?"
She glanced at her watch then back at me. "Dinner is in 30 minutes and Marcel is in the backyard."
"Do I have to?" I groaned as Ms. Valeria shot me a stern look.
I really didn't want to talk to Marcel but then again I had no choice. Walking through the backyard Macel sat on a bench as his feet dangled off the edge.
He saw me and rolled his eyes. "Is this why Ms. Valeria told me to wait out here?"
I walked towards the bench and quietly sat next to him. We sat in silence for a while before he asked me a question. "Why do you carry that brush everywhere you go?"
Looking at my feet I gently rubbed my paintbrush."I don't know really, I just know it means a lot to me. My memories before coming here are foggy so I don't remember much of anything, but I do know one thing, this brush is important to me."
Marcel let out a dry chuckle. "I don't remember much of anything from my past either, my earliest memories are with Ms. Valeria. I do remember having another figure in my life, I just can't remember who. All I remember is their soft touch on my skin and a tune they used to hum."
Marcel looked towards the sky as he hummed an odd tune.
"I made up with Runi." I said to him as he hummed.
He stood up from the bench as he put his hands in his pants pockets. "That's Good."
He continued. "Ms. Valeria doesn't say it enough but we really should act more like a family. Sometimes it's hard to not be strangers in a cabin ya know?"
Marcel smiled at me as he began to walk back inside. "But you did apologize to Runi so I guess I'll let you off the hook."
Stopping, he turned back to me, sticking his hand out. "We good?"
I couldn't help but giggle. "Yeah, we're good."
He was so mature for his age, most of the kids in the cabin were. We joined hands, that was when my relationship with Marcel really started.
**
Before we knew it dinner was ready.
I sat in silence in my chair. Everything should've been fine but it wasn't.
As everyone took their seats one by one I became anxious. I expected everything to just be okay after apologizing to Runi and Marcel.
Once every seat was full I stood from my chair. "I want to apologize for how I've been acting." The silence was loud.
The first person to break that silence was Runi. "It's okay, we don't mind." She grinned.
Dahlia sighed. "It's usually rough for everyone so it's alright."
As we talked at the table life felt real to me. I didn't know what this feeling was at the time but I do now. It was love. I loved this big cabin we lived in, Ms. Valeria, and my new family.
Despite eating together for almost half a year the dinner we ate that night felt like the first real family dinner I've ever had.
My eyes became heavy as I looked at my fresh painting. It was everyone playing in the backyard as Ms. Valeria watched over us. A faint smile grew on my face.
"It's beautiful." I murmured as the sleep finally consumed me.