Chapter 9 - I Weaponized a Breadstick and the Guild Will Never Recover

The black-haired girl sprinted through the beggar-lined alley, dawn's light glinting off the bag of bread clutched in her hand. Her stomach growled—a traitorous sound.

"Oh, come on."

Mochi slowed to a tiptoe, moving like a Bomberman avoiding his own explosives.

"System. Can't you cap this damn meter?"

<...loading...>

Fantastic. Now she had to get half-killed eighty times just to walk at normal speed. Even bread delivery was gated behind grind.

"Um… you are…?"

"Bread." She shoved the bag at the burly butcher, her face blank.

"Th-thanks?"

Breakfast secured. Mochi turned to leave, then paused.

"…Should've chatted more. Optimization wasted."

A shrug. She knew this game's every route—patience was just another exploit.

"And System?" She kicked a pebble. "If you're kidnapping me, at least remove hunger and sleep."

<...loading...>

"Oh, now you develop sarcasm?"

This System had the consistency of a glitched NPC.

—

The bread shop's bell jingled.

"Delivery Girl! Faster than my ex!" The stacked baker, Rosemary, waved a flour-dusted hand. "Breakfast?"

"Thanks." Mochi grabbed the dry bread and milk. No butter—but complaining risked activating Rosemary's [Wrath of the Underpaid] mode.

Rosemary eyed Mochi's tailored suit. "You're not from the slums."

"Astute." Mochi tugged black hair from her mouth—still unused to the length—and bit into the bread.

"Careful out there." Rosemary leaned close. "Divine Lion guards are swarming the outskirts."

For me. Mochi sipped milk, the bland bread suddenly tasting like victory.

0 >

Mochi gnawed on the stale bread, its roughness grounding her thoughts. Across the table, Rosemary stretched lazily.

"Divine Lion Guards are handling the bandit clearings. Ghostly Fang bastards are hiding like rats."

Mochi's teeth clenched. Great. Her planned starter quest—exposing the bandits' ties to Aldric Veyne—was now a bust. With the Northern Divine Lions sniffing around, she'd lose easy SP farms for health potions.

"Why are they even here?" she muttered. "Shouldn't they be babysitting their precious Third Prince?"

Rosemary blinked. "What?"

"Nothing." Mochi swallowed the last crust. "Guess I'll cozy up to the South's cupcake Duchess instead." Until the inevitable Demon Ending. The milk she chugged did nothing to wash the bitterness from her tongue.

"More bread deliveries?" Rosemary chirped.

Mochi hefted the sack as she walked out of the store, then paused. "System. Inventory storage. Now."

The bag pixelated out of existence.

"It won't rot in there, right?"

Mochi's eyes widened. Essential Items—the vanilla game's unbreakable quest objects, usually populated in the Main Quests. And a glitch waiting to be weaponized.

"System. Does 'unbreakable' mean what I think it means?"

Thorns writhed across her vision. <...Host, we implore proper item usage.>

"Answer the question."

<...Yes.>

"Perfect." She pulled up the Daggerfall tree, examining the first perk.

"System. If I 'accidentally' drop a bread off a cliff—"

"—it'll survive. Meaning I now have an unbreakable bludgeon."

<...>

"Does it lower Bloodlust?"

"Tch."

———————

The tavern door creaked like a dying man's last breath as Mochi stepped inside. Twenty pairs of eyes lifted from their drinks - some curious, most hostile.

The air hung thick with the sour tang of cheap ale. Every stool, every shadowed corner was occupied by figures who carried themselves like coiled springs.

At the bar, a bald man polished a glass with tired strokes. And when Mochi approached him, his voice rumbled like distant thunder.

"We invite no dawddlers around here, girl." He didn't even look up. "The recent guards' troubles already annoyed us, and another annoyance is the last thing this tavern needs."

Mochi slid onto a stool that still held the warmth of its last occupant. She counted three daggered stares trained on her back. Seriously, how unnerving even from those pacifists who wouldn't hurt even a tiny mouse in the alley.

"I'll take honeyed tea," she said, loud enough for the room to hear.

The polishing stopped, before the bartender slid the cleaned glass onto the platter.

Slowly, the bartender raised his head - and Mochi found herself staring into eyes as hard as flint.

"This ain't a game, kid." His thick fingers tapped the counter. "Last chance to scamper back to your parents."

Mochi leaned forward, letting her hood fall just enough to reveal emerald eyes glinting with something dangerous. "Then make it a wine that tastes like honeyed afternoon tea," she recited. "Paired with Eastern sugar biscuits. A fallen noble's...remembrance."

The silence that followed was absolute. Somewhere in the back, a knife clattered to the floor.

The bartender's expression didn't change, but Mochi saw the moment his pupils dilated. Recognition. Evaluation. Then, slowly, the corners of his mouth curled upward.

"Well I'll be damned." He set down the rag. "This old man never forgets a face, and yours ain't one I've seen before." His gaze flicked to the room. "And to be so well-informed of our Thief's Code, one can only assume suspicions or...opportunities."

"Cut the crap, Hans." Her emerald eyes glinted. "Guild trial. Now."

Hans Talko—the speedrun community's most hated NPC for talking the most craps and eating up most of the speedrun timers—chuckled. "Straight to business? Very well."

Chairs screeched as the cautious 'patrons' cleared space. Hans stepped forward, his coin pouch jingling from his waist. "Defeat me, kid, and you're in."

Liar. Mochi's fingers twitched. That pouch wasn't just gold; it was a key meant to be stolen for the entry into the Thief Guild.

Hans was unbeatable in the vanilla game—no attacks could touch him. Well, not that there was any attack available in the main pacifist game.

Mochi sighed at the quest update: