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Part 1: Heavenly Oversight's Worst Employee
Far above the mortal worlds, in a realm paved with celestial paperwork and bureaucratic halos, the Bureau of Heavenly Oversight was holding a meeting.
"Wei Yun of the Abandoned Sect has acquired the Art of Divine Contradiction," a robed figure droned, looking at a scroll that screamed every time it was unrolled.
A second elder adjusted their halo, sighing. "He violated 23 minor rules, 47 major taboos, and made our karma database crash. Again."
The third, wearing sunglasses indoors, leaned back. "Just send her."
Silence fell.
"…You mean the Protocol Zeta agent?"
"Yes. Her."
They all nodded.
A red stamp glowed ominously:
> ASSIGNED: Zeta Executioner No. 7 – Lady Yin of the Silken Doom
She opened her eyes somewhere in the Divine Realm and smiled sweetly.
"Finally… someone worth killing with flair."
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Part 2: A Very Suspicious Picnic
Meanwhile, Wei Yun was suspiciously at peace.
The sun was shining. Birds chirped (in Morse code about taxes). Pan-Pan was roasting cosmic marshmallows. Tang Zhi was gambling with ants, and Mu Yao was meditating by punching rocks that insulted her.
Wei Yun leaned back.
"We finally have some peace."
Suddenly, Barry the Scroll flapped open and screamed, "WARNING: COSMIC DEATH ENTITY INBOUND!"
The sky turned crimson.
Cherry blossoms rained down.
Lady Yin descended gracefully on a parasol that radiated imminent doom and aggressive elegance.
"Greetings," she said, her voice like silk and knives. "I am here to politely murder you."
Wei Yun blinked.
"That's not very polite."
"Oh, I brought tea."
She set down a table and poured from a kettle that hissed in demonic tongues.
Wei Yun: "Let me guess. Drink it and die?"
Lady Yin: "No, it just makes you hallucinate your greatest failure. The death comes after."
Pan-Pan: "I'm out. I just hallucinated my high school math exam."
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Part 3: The Duel of Contradiction
Lady Yin drew her weapon: a fan made from phoenix feathers dipped in karmic ink. With a single wave, she erased a mountain.
Wei Yun cracked his knuckles. "Let's see if your destiny knows how to get denied."
> [Art of Divine Contradiction – Activated (Lv. 1/5)]
Lady Yin smirked. "Do your worst."
Wei Yun swung his hand and reflected her own fate technique back at her.
Instead of erasing him, the fan glowed, spun, and exploded in a puff of cherry blossom petals that yelled, "I QUIT."
Her smile twitched.
"Oh. You're fun."
She leapt, summoning dozens of execution warrants, each one glowing with Heavenly Authority. They formed a net of fate, targeting every rebellious cell in Wei Yun's body.
He retaliated by…
Rewriting the warrants.
Using his own sect's rejection energy, he scribbled on them:
"Denied."
"Try again."
"Please submit three business days in advance."
"Lawsuit incoming."
They caught fire. The heavens blinked.
Tang Zhi: "He just sued the heavens."
Mu Yao: "I'm in love."
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Part 4: The Chaotic Plot Armor Beast Appears
Lady Yin, mildly annoyed, activated her Forbidden Fate Mode.
Her silken robes became armor woven from strands of collapsed timelines. Her eyes glowed with omnidirectional judgment.
"I'll crush your sect," she said, as the ground began to crumble under the weight of prophecy.
Then Wei Yun clapped twice.
A portal opened.
Out stumbled a three-legged goat with sunglasses, golden chains, and a hat that read "PAP SUPREMACY."
It roared:
> "I AM THE BEAST OF PLOT ARMOR!"
Pan-Pan: "Wait, we summoned that thing?!"
Barry the Scroll: "It's made from concentrated nonsense!"
The Plot Armor Beast ran in circles, dodging all of Lady Yin's strikes before bouncing off a cosmic banana peel and knocking her skyward with a headbutt so ridiculous it made an ancient constellation facepalm.
Wei Yun whispered, "Divine Contradiction... Level 2."
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Part 5: The Aftermath and a Letter
Lady Yin landed, dazed but unharmed. She looked at Wei Yun, then at the Beast of Plot Armor trying to eat her parasol.
"…I'm not paid enough for this."
She vanished into the sky in a swirl of flowers and sarcasm.
Moments later, a scroll appeared in front of Wei Yun. It was from the Bureau of Heavenly Oversight.
> "Dear Mr. Wei Yun,
Due to unforeseen absurdities, your execution has been postponed.
Please do not contact Lady Yin again.
Also, we're watching you.
Sincerely, Bureau of Heavenly Oversight – Division of Rage Management."
Wei Yun sipped the tea Lady Yin had left.
"Tastes like... narrative failure."
Tang Zhi: "So, what now?"
Wei Yun grinned.
"Now… we build a library."
Everyone stared.
Mu Yao: "For cultivation techniques?"
"No," Wei Yun said. "For banned knowledge. I'm starting a Forbidden Section."
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End of Chapter 33