And yet, doubt gnaws at me every time the ghost of Al Haddad crosses my memory that man who would never allow a spiritual voice to rise to match, let alone rival, his radiance.
Am I not now in a moment of possibility? A rare window to raise a sanctuary to which Balqis might turn, as her father once did?
But… what if she has inherited from him a pull on the spirit world that surpasses anything I can calculate? If so… I fear this ambition of mine may vanish like smoke.
Now, some of the tribal elders have invited me to a gathering tomorrow in the Great Feast Hall. They wish to deliver a speech before a large crowd, denouncing Balqis's absence and demanding that she submit to a tribal council. Perhaps they hope to use me as a religious figurehead to strengthen their pressure. I did not refuse their invitation; I saw it as an opportunity to take another step in solidifying my "spiritual authority" over power.
And yet, I do not feel absolute enthusiasm. A faint warning rises within me: "Vizier Khaza'bla has voiced no objection to our plans… Could they be luring us into a trap?
I couldn't shake the thought, so I turned the page in my mind and said to myself, "If I am sacred in the eyes of the people, let it be made clear. I care not for their traps, as long as I hold firm to my faith that the High Priest is the bridge between heaven and humankind."
And when, tomorrow, someone dares to demand that Balqis respond to their doubts, I may rise to deliver words that resemble a verbal duel not directly against her, but rather to declare that the power of the throne can only be complete with the temple's highest blessing. And if she resists or belittles the priest's word, then she will expose herself to all as a ruler unworthy of keeping the terms of the sacred covenant.
The temple's atmosphere is dim tonight, and the voices in my head groan with a clamor between my sanctification of myself, which I consider the purest vessel for addressing the Sun, and a destructive dread of Balqis returning with something I cannot halt.
I know I am not immune to the snares of human ambition, and perhaps I stand on the brink of a downfall or a historic rise that I cannot predict. But I have convinced myself: "If I survived Al Haddad and didn't break, can his daughter truly break me?"
Thus, I soothe my pride, feeding it with more certainty. I want the people to see its reflection on me not just as a man who reads the rituals, but as the embodiment of what lies between earth and sky
Perhaps, if fortune favors me tomorrow in the Senate and among the tribes, I will emerge with a reputation that grows ever greater. The High Priest is the one who nurtures power, never hiding behind a king or queen whose authority derives from a bloodline they claim to be divine. I alone am the authorized voice of the divine secret.
But if Balqis has noticed this aspect and brings forth something that might threaten the legitimacy of my stance... then there are a thousand ways to avert defeat. At the very least, I can cloak her in a veil of anxious silence until it becomes clear to the public who is truly fit for spiritual leadership in a throne that wavers after Al Haddad.
I do not claim to know whether I will win or lose, but I see nothing to suggest a near surrender. This long night, I creep around the temple's breath, certain that I alone repeat the chants filled with my sacred energy. When the thought "How far do I truly desire control?" crosses my mind, I close my eyes and seek blessings in the name of the Sun, responding with a counter question: "Who is more deserving of spiritual authority than me, when I have always been its trusted gate between earth and sky?
The sun did not rise that day as it had on others or so it seemed to me as I prepared to leave the High Temple of the Suns, heading towards the Grand Banquet Hall where the tribal elders and the senior chieftains of Saba, along with some commoners who had caught wind of the crucial meeting, had gathered.
I was accustomed to moving in such situations with steady steps and confidence, drawn from the prayers of dawn. But today, my heart felt heavier than a sun disk stuck behind the clouds. Perhaps it was because I harbored exhausting doubts about how things would unfold, after rumors spread that Queen Balqis had indeed returned from her mysterious journey and was preparing for a decisive proclamation before the public.