Chapter twenty one
Lilly rose
There's a shift in the air before he even speaks.
I feel it in the way Simon doesn't meet my eyes that morning. In the way his touch lingers, hesitant, like he's already halfway gone.
He's quiet.
Too quiet.
And Simon Riley's silence is dangerous—not the calm kind, but the storm-brewing kind.
He hands me my usual coffee, but his fingers don't brush mine. He barely looks at me, doesn't say his usual "You sleep alright?" or "You look like hell." (which, from him, is basically a love letter).
Something's wrong.
I know it.
And he won't say a word.
⸻
I catch up with him after briefing. Pull him into the back of the comms tent, where nobody ever goes unless they're trying to avoid work—or each other.
"What is going on with you?"
Simon leans against the wall, arms crossed, mouth hard. "Nothing."
"No," I snap, angrier than I mean to be. "Don't do that. Don't shut me out. If this—we—mean anything, you don't get to go cold just because something's eating you."
His jaw ticks. He's trying to keep it in.
Trying to keep me out.
And I hate that he still doesn't trust me with the heavy things.
"I heard something," he says finally. Low. Flat. Dangerous.
I freeze. "What did you hear?"
He doesn't answer right away. He just looks at me—really looks at me—and something in his eyes twists deep in my chest.
"You were seen. Coming out of my tent the other night."
My stomach drops.
"Just whispers," he adds. "But that's all it takes."
I step forward. "So what? We've been careful—"
"It only takes one mistake, Lilly," he snaps, louder than I've ever heard him. "One moment. And suddenly it's not just my ass on the line—it's yours."
I blink, heart hammering. "You're scared."
He looks away.
"You're pushing me away because you're scared something might happen to me."
"Damn right I am."
There's a long, aching pause.
Then he says, quieter this time:
"I'd rather lose you now than watch this ruin you later."
I feel the burn in my chest. That cruel, slow ache that starts with heartbreak and ends with fury.
"No, Simon. That's not your choice to make."
"You don't understand what it's like—"
"No, you don't!" I shoot back. "You think you're protecting me? From what? Gossip? Rank? War? I signed up for this. I chose you. And you're too scared to let yourself be loved without turning it into another battle."
The silence between us pulses like a heartbeat.
And then I say, softer:
"I'm not a mission you can complete and walk away from. I'm not some goddamn ghost you can outrun."
He stares at me.
And for the first time since we started this messy, beautiful thing…
He doesn't have a comeback.
⸻
I leave before I start crying.
Because I need him to chase me.
And he needs to decide if he will.