The days felt like they were blending together. It was as if time was stretching, pulling me through a mix of studying, helping Emily and Josh with their little projects, and brief moments of quiet. It was easy to fall into the rhythm of things, to let everything feel normal, even when it wasn't. The only thing that seemed to change from day to day was the lingering tension between Shawn and me.
I tried to ignore it as best I could. After all, I had bigger things on my mind. Exams were fast approaching, and I couldn't afford to let anything distract me. But no matter how hard I focused, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen soon. And I didn't know whether I was ready for it.
It was a Saturday morning when everything finally came to a head. The house was quiet, just me and the kids at home. Mrs. Pat and Elsa were still overseas, and Mr. Philip had gone out for the day, leaving us with the space to ourselves.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, textbooks spread out in front of me, trying to concentrate on my notes. Emily and Josh were in the living room, watching cartoons, their voices a soft hum in the background. It was the kind of morning I liked—calm, with nothing to worry about.
Then I heard it: footsteps.
Slow, deliberate. I knew it was Shawn before he even turned the corner.
"Hey," he said, his voice a little softer than usual.
I didn't look up right away, my pen still moving over the page. "Hey," I replied, trying to keep my tone casual.
There was a beat of silence before I felt his presence beside me. I looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time in a while.
He was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, his hair messier than usual, as if he had just woken up. His usual smirk was gone, replaced by something almost… uncertain.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said, voice low.
I blinked, taken aback. "Talk? About what?"
He hesitated, glancing toward the living room where Emily and Josh were. Then, as if making up his mind, he stepped closer, lowering his voice. "I don't know. About us. About everything."
I set my pen down, suddenly aware of how close he was. The air felt thick, charged, and I wasn't sure how to react. "There's nothing to talk about," I said, though the words felt strange as they left my mouth.
"Really?" he asked, a quiet challenge in his tone. "Because it doesn't feel like nothing."
I swallowed hard, unsure of what he meant. "Shawn, I—" I started, but he cut me off.
"No. Just… listen for a second." He ran a hand through his hair, the usual nonchalance gone. "I know I've been… weird. But I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable. I just—" He trailed off, looking like he was searching for the right words. "I don't know how to deal with all of this. With you."
The confession hit me like a wave. My heart skipped a beat, and I had to fight the urge to step back. "With me?"
"Yeah. I don't know what's going on, Anne," he said, his voice quieter now. "Every time I'm around you, I feel like I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. One minute, I'm annoyed, and the next, I just want to—" He broke off, his face flushed with frustration.
I didn't know what to say. He had never been this open with me before. The tension between us had always been there, but this—this felt different. It felt like he was finally letting something slip through the cracks.
"I don't want to make this harder on you," he continued, his voice softer now. "I know you've got enough to deal with, with everything going on."
I stood up from the table, my heart pounding in my chest. This was happening. This was the moment when everything shifted.
"I don't know what you want from me, Shawn," I said, my voice steady but unsure. "I've got a lot to focus on. Exams, the kids, everything. I don't need this."
Shawn's eyes flashed with something—hurt, maybe? I couldn't tell. "I didn't ask for this either," he muttered, almost to himself. "But here we are. And I can't keep pretending nothing's going on."
I looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in what felt like forever. There was so much more to him than the guy who had barely spoken to me since we moved into this house. He was complicated, his emotions hidden behind layers of sarcasm and indifference. But now, for the first time, I saw a glimpse of what might have been underneath all of that.
"I don't know what you want me to say," I said softly.
He looked at me, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then he exhaled, a long, slow breath, as if releasing something heavy.
"I don't know either," he admitted quietly.
There was another long pause. The silence between us felt more loaded than anything I had ever experienced. And then, without another word, he turned and walked away. I stood there, frozen for a moment, the weight of our conversation hanging in the air.
My heart was still racing, but I couldn't quite bring myself to move.
It was late when Mr. Philip came home. The front door opened with a soft creak, and I looked up from where I sat curled on the living room couch, still holding the same textbook I hadn't touched in hours.
He stepped inside, his shoulders slumped with exhaustion. "You're still up?" he asked gently, loosening his tie as he noticed me.
"Couldn't sleep," I said truthfully.
He gave me a tired smile. "Try to get some rest, Anne. It's late. You've done enough for one day."
I nodded, watching as he disappeared down the hallway toward his room.
A few minutes passed before I finally stood, stretching my stiff limbs. I padded softly to the kids' room, peeking in through the door. Emily was curled up with her stuffed bear, Josh snoring softly beside her. Peaceful. Safe.
I smiled faintly, my heart easing just a little, then quietly closed the door.
When I got to my own room, the silence pressed in again. I changed into my pajamas, crawled into bed, and stared up at the ceiling for a while, replaying the conversation with Shawn again and again. His voice. His words. The way he looked at me like he was trying to figure something out—us, maybe.
I didn't have the answers. Not yet.
But for tonight, I let it all drift away and closed my eyes.
The house settled around me in quiet stillness.