"Talent Showdown: Aunt vs. Parrot"
Zoe had barely finished her morning tea when the text from Aunt Jacky hit:
"You've been summoned to the 'Great Family Talent Show' at 2 PM. Be there or suffer."
Zoe blinked at the screen. "Talent show? For what?"
Aunt Jacky's voice echoed in her head like a prophecy:
"We have decided to uncover the true talents of the family. Your bird is not exempt. Neither are you."
---
It was an hour later when the family gathered in Aunt Jacky's living room—a room that smelled faintly of incense, nostalgia, and weirdly clean cats. The stage was set: an old, squeaky microphone, a sofa that had clearly seen better days, and a table laden with various "prizes," which mostly consisted of Jacky's homemade pottery and a certificate that read, "Most Improved Cousin."
Aunt Jacky clapped her hands. "Welcome, my beloved family, to the inaugural Great Family Talent Show."
Zoe sighed. "Please don't make me sing."
Uncle Jared adjusted his glasses. "Singing? That's far too modern. You know what's real talent? Classic poetry."
---
First up was Cousin Becky, who "performed" an interpretive dance about the hardships of Wi-Fi buffering. It involved a lot of flailing and awkward arm gestures.
"It's a metaphor for connection," she explained after a breathless finish. "And also, modern heartbreak."
There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Sir Squawksalot chewed on a cracker loudly.
---
Next, Zoe stood up, mentally preparing for humiliation. She was about to do her "How to Survive a Content Creator Breakdown" monologue when, from the corner of the room, Sir Squawksalot took flight. He flew directly to the middle of the room and perched on the arm of Aunt Jacky's prized chair.
Zoe's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Not now."
---
Without warning, Sir Squawksalot squawked dramatically, "HELLO, FANS!" His voice echoed across the room like an influencer at a mall opening.
Aunt Jacky adjusted her glasses, leaning forward. "Is this... part of the talent show?"
Zoe buried her face in her hands. "It's a bird with a sponsorship deal. Please let me die in peace."
---
The bird took it from there. He flapped his wings dramatically, doing his best "ballet" while performing an impromptu product placement for his sunglasses brand.
"Chirp & Chill," he squawked, "Not just for parrots. It's for everyone who deserves to look good while pecking." He paused for dramatic effect, then added, "Promo code SQUAWKSLAY20."
The entire family stared. Silence.
---
Then, Aunt Jacky did the unthinkable.
She stood up, dramatically grabbed a microphone, and said, "If this is what you call a performance—then I will show you true talent."
Everyone turned to Aunt Jacky, who straightened her back and began reciting a poem that she clearly had written in the 90s.
"It was a dark, dark day... and the sun did not shine…" she began, her voice booming in what could only be described as a tragic attempt at spoken word. She read for what felt like an eternity, talking about rain, mountains, and birds that "squawked like fools"—all while maintaining direct eye contact with Sir Squawksalot.
---
Sir Squawksalot was not having it.
He screeched. "DID I HEAR YOU CALL ME A FOOL?!" He flapped his wings, creating what could only be described as a mini hurricane.
The family stared in shock.
Zoe leaned in toward Pauline. "I think the bird might actually go to war."
Pauline grinned. "Maybe this is the content we've all been waiting for."
---
Sir Squawksalot swooped down from his perch. He stood on the table, tapping his beak like a beatboxer. Then, in an unexpected twist of fate, he began to freestyle.
"I'm Squawksalot, you know my name!
I came to take over this talent game!
You rhyme like you're stuck in the past,
But I'm the future, and I'm built to last!
Chirp & Chill, that's my brand—
Try to stop me, and you'll get canned!"
---
The room went silent for a beat. Then—explosion. Laughter, applause, even Aunt Jacky clapping hesitantly.
"Well, that was… impressive," Jacky admitted, wiping away tears of laughter. "But not impressive enough. My poem had depth."
Zoe was dying inside. "Aunt Jacky, I can't believe this is happening."
---
The competition escalated from there, with Aunt Jacky pulling out an old guitar and trying to serenade the bird (who promptly rejected her by pooping on the strings). There was a dramatic pause. Then, Sir Squawksalot grabbed a plastic spoon and used it as a microphone, mocking Aunt Jacky's "touching" performance.
At one point, even Pauline joined in, starting a "kitchen rap" that involved mixing in random words like "flour," "kitchen sink," and "dinosaur" in ways that no one understood but somehow worked.
---
The show concluded with no clear winner. Everyone was exhausted and laughing, barely able to breathe between giggles.
Zoe collapsed onto the couch, rubbing her forehead. "I can't believe I just watched a parrot roast my aunt in front of the whole family."
Pauline sipped her tea, the victorious gleam in her eye. "You never knew your family could get this entertaining, did you?"
Sir Squawksalot, resting comfortably on the table, squawked, "YOU'RE WELCOME."
---
As the family gathered to leave, Aunt Jacky leaned over to Zoe. "Okay, I admit it. The bird's got skills. But don't think this talent show is over. We've only just begun."
Zoe rolled her eyes. "I'm not competing. I'm taking a nap."
Pauline winked. "A nap sounds like content too."
Sir Squawksalot gave a final squawk. "CHIRP & CHILL, MY FRIEND."
Zoe stared at the ceiling, already planning her escape from the next family talent extravaganza. But deep down, she knew—no one would ever outshine her family's brand of madness