Okay.
So here's the thing.
We escaped a domain that tried to digest us with time-warp spaghetti.
And now? We're back in our lovely little camp. By lovely I mean miserable. And by camp I mean a glorified pile of rocks with one cooking pot and exactly zero emotional support animals.
I cracked my neck and groaned like an 800-year-old tree. "Uuugh... okay. I'm still drained, emotionally unstable, and possibly leaking elemental energy through my left kneecap. But! We need to get back to work."
Everyone looked at me. Like I had just grown two heads. Or worse—responsibility
"Back to work?" Itto scratched his head. "Bro, I just got un-squashed from a rock that looked like my grandma."
"You don't even have a grandma, Boss." Shinobu said without looking up.
"He actually has an adopted one," I muttered, raising a finger.
"That doesn't count."
"It was a metaphor, Shinobu!" Itto pouted.
Lumine crossed her arms, expression somewhere between concern and disbelief. "Shigeru, do you ever take a proper break?"
"Breaks are for people who didn't make a blood pact with spatial reality!" I declared proudly.
Paimon hovered nearby, poking the pot with a stick. "You've been muttering equations in your sleep again. We thought you were possessed."
"Well, anyway!" I raised both hands. "Now listen, this is the nth time I'm telling you this, alright? But just like I always say—"
"You never say anything consistently," Shinobu muttered.
"—This is the result of the spacetime distortion's response to our own imaginations and conjecture," I continued dramatically, completely ignoring her.
Yanfei blinked. "Wait. Conjecture?"
I nodded sagely. "Yes. Because we all came here for different reasons, right? Different pasts. Different traumas. Different snack preferences. And that messes with the compass. So in conclusion—this hellhole is a glorified personality quiz."
"...Snack preferences?" Itto whispered.
I turned and pointed a very serious finger at Yelan. "Ain't that right, Bow Mommy?"
Yelan actually nodded. "...For once, he's not totally wrong."
PAIMON: Visible confusion intensifies.
Yanfei muttered under her breath, "Still sounds like chaotic nonsense... but also slightly accurate?"
Xiao crossed his arms. "Distortions reacting to thought... that explains the repetitive nightmares."
Lumine added softly, "No wonder we all saw different things in that domain. Our memories must have fed the illusion."
"Exactly! Look at us! Sharing trauma like a wholesome team-building exercise!" I clapped.I clapped my hands. "Alright then. Let's skedaddle. Bow Mommy, will you please?"
Yelan rolled her eyes but stepped forward like a cool action movie boss. She extended a hand toward the Fantastic Compass
"Everyone, gather up."
Itto accidentally elbowed someone. Shinobu 'accidentally' almost stabbed him. Classic family moment.
"Ow—Shinobu!"
"Maybe stand away from my sword next time."
"You say that like I planned to nudge it!"
Yanfei snapped her book shut. "We need a synchronized approach. The flow of energy must remain stable throughout the process."
"Got it," Lumine said, stepping beside her. "Let's time it right."
And then—
Yelan began to chant:"Stars align, bestow your light. Evil purge by thunder's might. Spirit cubed, pneuma surge. By dictum divine, heed these words. Do as I command!"
And OH BOY.
The compass lit up like my brain after five espressos. A glowing beam shot into the air, piercing the darkness above us like a divine middle finger to the Abyss.
Paimon gasped. "It lit up!"
Yanfei practically vibrated with excitement. "Aha! The Fantastic Compass is an amplifier. Maintain this energy level and we may actually stand a chance!"
Shinobu narrowed her eyes. "So... we power it with our elemental signatures? That explains the convergence."
Itto gave a thumbs up to no one in particular. "LET'S BLOW THIS JOINT. I'm already picturing the outside world. Sunshine. Onigiri. Rock snacks."
Xiao stepped forward, his voice calm and low like a storm waiting to happen. "I will maintain the energy flow."
Lumine glanced at him. "Can you handle the strain alone?"
He nodded, eyes steeled. "This is nothing compared to what we endured at the Chasm."
I blinked. "I mean... sure. You're literally built for that."
Cue dramatic drum roll in my head.
I grinned like someone who just realized he didn't have to pay rent this month.
"Alright everyone! Prepare to bust out of here!"
Xiao turned to us, deadly serious. "Everyone. Stand back."
He closed his eyes, and the world seemed to freeze. Then—
"As Yakshas, we must fight for this world..."
He opened them again. Golden. Piercing. Furious.
"General Alatus... Falling in!"
Boom.
Mask on. Aura flaring. Power bursting from beneath him like a shockwave of moral responsibility.
A glowing spell circle emerged from the dirt like, SURPRISE FLOOR'S MADE OF MAGIC, and suddenly—
We were flying.
I screamed a little, but heroically.
Lumine, arms braced and wind in her hair, shouted, "Hold on! Don't puke mid-air, Shigeru!"
"No promises!" I yelled back.
Paimon: "PAIMON ALREADY REGRETS EVERYTHING!"
***
You ever have that one moment where you think:
"Yup. This is where it ends."
Yeah. That was me. Except I thought it every five seconds because the situation kept getting worse like some deranged director yelling, "More drama! MORE BLOOD!"
Anyway—
Xiao was in the middle of doing some ancient demon-yeeting dance with the Compass when suddenly—BAM!
Phantoms. Just. Started. Exploding. Out. Of. Nowhere.
I blinked. "...The hell is that?"
Then I blinked again because one of the phantoms just phased through Itto and made him sneeze so hard he flipped backwards.
"HOLY HELL THEY'RE IN THE BARRIER!" I shouted.
Paimon screamed and latched onto Lumine like she was a plush toy. "LUMINE! PAIMON DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!"
"What are these things?!" Lumine shouted, slashing through a phantom. "They weren't this strong before!"
Yelan, absolute queen, whipped out her strings like a spider goddess and bound a bunch of the phantoms in one go. They shrieked like microwave popcorn exploding.
"There's more of them!" she hissed. "They're multiplying—like rabbits, but evil and non-fluffy!"
"God—fine! TIME TO BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH THIS!" I roared.
Right hand? Anemo.
Left hand? Electro.
Both hands? Death jazz hands.
I yeeted every elemental blast I could summon. Wind slices. Lightning arcs. Something that might've been a plasma chicken?
Itto shouted from the back, still swinging his club like a baseball bat. "Y'ALL NEED A HERO? WELL HERE COMES THE ONE AND ONI!"
Shinobu rolled her eyes behind him but kept pace, blades glowing. "Can you please not yell like that when I'm trying to focus?!"
"LET ME HAVE THIS, SHINOBU!" Itto bellowed.
Lumine, Itto, Yanfei, Shinobu—they all joined the fray like a last-minute Avengers crossover. Even Itto was doing actual work! Mostly smashing, but still!
"These creatures are feeding off corrupted ley lines!" Yanfei called out, her catalyst burning in her hands. "We have to purify the source or they'll keep regenerating!"
"So what, we just kill them faster?" I yelled.
"That's your solution to everything!" Shinobu snapped.
Meanwhile, Xiao was hunched over the device, trying to keep the Compass from imploding or turning us all into soup.
"HOLD YOUR GROUND! COVER XIAO!" I screamed.
The dark energy from the Chasm started rising like black mist. Creepy. Dramatic. Definitely not OSHA approved.
My teeth clenched. I dashed to Xiao and slapped both my hands onto the device.
"I'll help power it!"
He looked at me like I just told him I wanted to swallow the sun. "You'll destroy yourself. Your body can't handle this!"
I grinned, probably already bleeding from at least three organs. "If I can't do this... then how will I ever face my master, Mountain Shaper, huh?"
He blinked. "...You are deeply unwell."
"Thank you. I try."
"You idiot," he muttered, almost fondly. Almost.
The platform started to ascend, faster and faster—
—but so did the darkness.
I screamed louder. Nose: bleeding. Mouth: bleeding. Eyes: probably crying and bleeding. Ears? Oh yeah. We had the full horror anime blood buffet.
Paimon floated near the edge of the chaos, arms flailing. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN SHIGERU TOUCHES THINGS?!"
"Because he always touches things he shouldn't!" Yanfei yelled.
Xiao turned to me. "STOP IT YOU IDIOT!"
Lumine was crying now. Actual tears. Trying to pull me off.
"Shigeru, stop! You'll die!"
Yanfei shouted, "You two can't keep this up! Your elemental reserves are collapsing!"
Itto yelled from the side, swinging at another phantom, "SOMEONE GRAB THE EMO DUO BEFORE THEY EXPLODE!"
Xiao's mask was cracked. The spell circle beneath us was falling apart. Everything was crumbling.
Then suddenly—
Xiao looked up.
Eyes focused.
Resolve clear.
And just like that, with his last ounce of strength—he shoved everyone away.
The world shimmered.
Everyone disappeared.
Except him...
"XIAO, YOU DUMB PIECE OF HONORABLE TRASH—"
I forcibly disconnected myself from the spell, and threw myself back into the collapsing platform.
Lumine's scream echoed from the other side. "SHIGERU!
Did I hesitate?
No.
I SPIDERMAN'D MYSELF OFF THAT LEDGE AND YEETED INTO THE ABYSS.
"Oh no, you fucking emo!" I screamed, free-falling toward Xiao, whose eyes were now closed, accepting death like some tragic poetic martyr.
"YOU'RE COMING WITH US, YOU GRUMPY YAKSHA BASTARD!"
I grabbed his arm.
He opened his eyes. "...You again."
"Told you, didn't I? We're gonna fight to the death together, idiot."
And then—
Golden light.
Just like that.
Like some divine Uber came to scoop us out of despair.
I looked up. "Thanks, Morax. I'll pay you in emotional trauma."
When we opened our eyes—
We were back.
Outside the Chasm.
The sky was still blue.
The air was still breathable.
And I was definitely still bleeding from every orifice.
Yelan landed nearby, tossing her hair. "So, what did we learn today?"
"That Shigeru should never touch ancient devices," Yanfei muttered.
"HEY. I helped."
Paimon hovered over me, wide-eyed. "You're alive?!"
Xiao looked at me. "You..."
I looked back at him. "Yeah, yeah. Don't cry. I know I'm your hero."
"...I regret everything."
"As you should."
Lumine gave a watery laugh through her tears. "Welcome back, idiot."
"Fuck... I never thought I'd actually live,"
That was the first thing that came outta my mouth as I flopped onto the grass like a dying fish that just survived a shark attack, an earthquake, and a bad Tinder date.
I was breathing. I was blinking. I was not immediately in hell.
Success.
I stared up at the sky like it owed me money. The clouds were fluffy. The sun was shining. My spine was probably broken. But that was okay. Victory!
Yelan walked up toward the Compass with all the elegance of a lady who has just watched too many people almost die on her shift. Her fingers reached out like she was about to poke it—or possibly report it for tax evasion—when...
POOF.
It vanished.
Straight-up Thanos-snapped into sparkles and regret.
"Huh," Yelan blinked. "Guess that solves that. Thank the Archons. I was this close to writing a very angry resignation letter."
"And I was this close to suing it for psychological damage," Yanfei muttered, clutching her notebook like it had personally offended her.
I groaned, still starfished on the grass like roadkill. "Man... we've been through a lot. I swear, I am never going back to that hellhole again. You hear me, Celestia? NEVER! I've had enough of trauma, ghosts, cursed yaksha devices, nosebleeds, and—AND WHATEVER THE HELL THAT SHADOW SQUID WAS."
"You forgot the part where you almost died. Again," Paimon added, floating beside me, patting my head like I was a dog that had seen too much. "And possibly hallucinated your own funeral."Lumine, goddess of patience, helped pull me up while probably debating if I was worth this much emotional stress. I wobbled. She caught me. Paimon tried to help and fell into my hood.
We were thriving.
"You're heavier than I remember," Lumine muttered, adjusting her grip.
"That's the weight of trauma, partner," I replied weakly. "Delicious, well-aged trauma."
"Alright... what's the plan now?" I muttered, blinking around at the squad of beautiful, half-broken disaster adventurers I now called friends. "We... do have a plan, right?"
Yelan sighed, dusting off her coat. "I have a report to file. I think this is the last time I'll be assigned to investigate the Chasm. If not, I'm switching careers and becoming a cat trainer. Or maybe a tea seller. Something peaceful."
Yanfei adjusted her glasses, hair windswept and eyes sharper than a lawsuit. "I didn't get to bring the device back, but... what I saw is enough. More than enough. I think I'll need to re-read Liyue's legal magical artifact clauses. Possibly burn them. Rewrite them. Burn them again."
Itto gave a double thumbs-up. "I say, sightseeing time! Me and Shinobu? We're gonna hit all the souvenir shops before we head back to Inazuma! Maybe grab some of those super spicy Chasm chips!"
Shinobu stared at him with all the energy of someone already regretting every future decision. "He says that, but he's going to spend thirty minutes arguing with a rock garden over pricing."
"IT WAS A VERY EXPENSIVE ROCK, SHINOBU! AND IT HAD A FACE!"
"That was moss, Boss."
"Moss... with personality!"
Yanfei glanced sideways. "Legally speaking, that rock might qualify as a sentient being now. I'll check."
I smiled through the chaos. Then turned to Xiao.
The brooding king of one-word answers and internal pain was staring up at the sky.
"How about you?" I asked.
He didn't look at me. But his voice was calm.
"I guess I'll continue to live. For mine... and their sake as well."
"You've changed," Yanfei noted, tilting her head curiously. "Not legally, but emotionally. That counts."
Xiao simply nodded.
My mouth twitched into a soft grin. I felt my lungs seize a little. Not emotionally, just probably the internal bleeding.
"Welp..." I muttered, turning toward Lumine and Paimon. "Guess it's time for me, Lumine, and Paimon to continue our journey, huh?"
Lumine smiled, all golden and sunshine. "We've got more monsters to annoy. More worlds to annoy them in."
Paimon gave a dramatic salute. "Back to adventuring and cooking weird animals! And hopefully no more cursed artifacts!"
"Ain't that right, partner?" I turned to Lumine, grinning tiredly.
She held my gaze, nodded, and gently bumped her forehead against mine. A quiet moment. A promise.
...
And then, right on cue,
BAM.
World: blurry.
Knees: jelly.
Vision: shaking like I was in a washing machine.
The ground spun. My thoughts blurred. I saw colors I wasn't sure were legal.
"Oh. Crap."
I collapsed.
Lumine shouted my name.
"Shigeru! Hey—stay with us!"
Paimon screamed. "No no no no no, don't die again! You just made it out!"
Yanfei rushed forward. "Move him on his side! Carefully!"
Yelan knelt down, checking my pulse with a practiced hand. "Still breathing. Barely."
Itto loomed overhead. "Dude, again?! This is, like, the third time!"
"More like fifth," Shinobu muttered, already pulling out medical supplies.
And the last thing I heard before I passed out entirely was her voice—
"Shigeru?! SHIGERU, STAY WITH US!"
And mine, somewhere deep in my head:
"Hah... classic Shigeru moment."
_________________________
End of chapter 82
Quests Completed:
*Get emotionally vulnerable with people who usually avoid emotions like the plague.
*Keep up a steady stream of sarcasm while facing existential horror and literal death.
*Test Lumine's emotional tolerance for chaos, near-death, and dramatic monologues.
*Lay down in a corrupted realm, hallucinate, bleed internally, and call it "rest."
*Survive the Compass's collapse and put an end to its influence.
*Help Xiao take one more step toward healing. (And surviving)
Rewards:
*Artifact Fragment: Broken Compass Residue (bound to someone's trauma, probably cursed, would not recommend.)
*+5000 Friendship EXP with: Xiao, Yelan, Yanfei, Itto, Shinobu
*Trauma Points +∞ (cannot be removed)
*+3 Medical Debt
*Unlock New Area: Emotional Stability (Temporarily Inaccessible)
*Emergency Recovery Pack (Shinobu Edition) x1
*New type of PTSD
*+15 Reputation in Liyue Law Circles
* +100 Charisma,
*+10% resistance to fear (from sheer idiocy)
Achievements:
"I Lived, Bitch."
-Survive a near-death experience by sheer luck and sarcasm. Again.
"Again?! Seriously?!"
-Collapse from exhaustion three or more times in one arc.