I wake up, alive again. Somehow. Not sure if it's skill, plot armor, or the universe forgetting to delete my save file.
Beside me, Yuna the fox snores like she pays rent. And the egg in my inventory is shaking again like it's trying to hatch or file a complaint.
I sigh.
"Alright. I guess we're doing this. You, me, a pan, and the crushing weight of existence."
Welcome to 'Post-Apocalypse Breakfast Club: Cooking Edition.'
Sponsored by: Me not dying yet.
Directed by: An author with questionable priorities.
Audience: You, masochist reader who clicked 'Next Chapter' anyway.
Today's Recipe: Spicy Garlic Butter Chicken + Rice
(AKA: Buff me, baby, one more time.)
Because in this cruel world of monsters, death, and betrayal… apparently what you really need is a solid breakfast and a 25% combat speed buff.
---
Step 1: Gather Ingredients (or loot them from someone slower)
2 chicken thighs (boneless, like this story's realism)
4 cloves of garlic (more if your enemies fear flavor)
2 tablespoons of butter (because we're not animals)
1 cup of rice
Water (or broth if you're bougie)
Salt, pepper, paprika, chili flakes
Optional: green onions, dignity
Step 2: Roast Session (literally and emotionally)
I turn to Yuna. She's awake now, blinking at me like I owe her rent.
"You're a fox," I say, "but contribute like a rock. I fought a boss yesterday and you… took a nap."
She yawns.
"Oh? Big yawn? That's wild. Did all that not helping wear you out?"
She rolls over and farts.
I stare into the void.
"And you—(pulls out egg)
"There you are. Still takin' up inventory space like you pay rent. What are you even? A cursed pebble with ambition?"
Egg: wobbles slightly
MC:
"Oh no, it moved. Everybody panic! The egg shifted a WHOLE centimeter. We're doomed."
Egg: glows dimly
MC:
"Is that supposed to be intimidating? You look like a nightlight having a midlife crisis."
Egg: lets out a hum
MC:
"Don't try to sound mystical. That hum sounds like a sad kazoo left in the rain. You're out here vibrating like an overconfident Roomba."
Egg: cracks faintly
MC:
"Whoa, it's cracking! Quick—someone get the camera! I wanna record the birth of the world's first useless legendary. Call it… Eggmon: Disappointment Forme."
Egg: wobbles with rage
MC:
"Oh? You mad now? What you gonna do, wiggle me to death? You got the energy of a forgotten Tamagotchi."
Egg: glows red in fury
MC:
"Yeah yeah, glow all you want. You ain't hatching. You're buffering. I've seen broken vending machines with more follow-through."
Egg: goes completely still, offended
Step 3: Cooking, I Guess. Because This Is My Life Now.
To the readers:
"Yes, I'm teaching you how to cook. No, I don't know why either. Blame the author."
To the author:
"This is a survival fantasy world. I should be dual-wielding blades and trauma, not spatulas and side dishes."
Butter hits the pan with a sizzle. I toss in the garlic.
"Listen to that? That's the sound of poor life choices… and also flavor."
Chicken thighs go in. Skin side down. Paprika, salt, pepper, chili flakes. Let them sear.
Meanwhile, rice is already cooking in another pot.
"Yes, I'm multitasking. No, I don't have a wife. Thanks for reminding me."
---
Step 4: Sass, Stir, and Serve
Chicken browns like it's sunbathing in rage. I flip it.
"Look at this. Perfect. Unlike my childhood."
I glance at Yuna again. She licks her paw with smug fox energy.
"Don't act like you made this happen. You once tried to eat raw monster jerky, then cried."
She sneezes and walks off.
"That's fair."
---
[System Alert: Buff Acquired]
Fiery Garlic Chicken Meal Consumed!
> +25% Combat Speed
+15% Attack Power
Duration: 1 hour
Side Effect: You now feel emotionally fulfilled and slightly bloated.
I plate the food, dramatically. Yuna sniffs it, tastes it, then wags her tail.
"I knew it. You're only loyal to flavor."
MC Looks at You, the Reader
"You survived another tutorial. Congrats. You've unlocked: +3 Cooking Knowledge and +1 Emotional Damage."
MC Looks at the Sky (aka the Author)
"You happy now? I cooked, I joked, I broke the fourth wall. Next time, how about a real chapter, huh? With stabbing and explosions?"
No response. Just ominous wind and the sound of rice fluffing perfectly.
End Scene
The moment the silence shifted, I knew I wasn't alone.
No wind. No birds. Just that thick, gut-clenching stillness that whispered: Run.
Too bad I wasn't built for that.
I raised my hand slowly, gripping my blade. Heat simmered beneath my skin—Flame Guard, just shy of burning through my veins.
Then it appeared.
A swirling mass of darkness, its form humanoid but distorted, bending and warping in unnatural ways. Tall. Lean. Its porcelain mask cracked, barely clinging to its face, with violet eyes glowing cold and distant.
> [Rare Monster Detected – Umbra Revenant]
Type: Humanoid Wraith
Class: Mirrorblade Wraith
Unique Skill: Shadow Mirror
Description: Capable of creating temporary shadow clones that mimic observed skills once before disintegrating. Proceed with caution.
"Of course. A shadow-wielder with a trick up its sleeve," I muttered. "Let's see if you can handle my tricks."
The Revenant tilted its head, then shifted. Shadows at its feet swirled, stretching outward like dark liquid, before splitting into three separate figures. Not me—no, they were unstable, flickering shapes that almost looked like ghosts, but they were powerful, each one radiating a twisted energy.
They didn't mimic me yet. They were just... watching.
Then, the first one moved.
It wasn't fast—but I could feel the shift in the air. The moment it made its move, I knew it was studying me, learning. Its form solidified just enough to wield a jagged blade of pure shadow.
I wasn't waiting.
Phoenix Step.
I shot forward, the ground beneath me splitting as I closed the gap in the blink of an eye. The first clone didn't even have time to react before I slashed with my own blade, but then it did something unexpected.
It didn't block.
It didn't dodge.
It copied.
The clone's body shimmered with the exact same move I'd just used—Phoenix Step—leaving a trail of shadow as it zipped to my side, striking with a swipe of its own shadow blade.
"Cute," I snarled, blocking just in time. But my muscles were already aching from the force of the strike.
> [Warning: Shadow Clone used "Phoenix Step"]
Clones can only mimic a copied skill once before decaying.
The clone disintegrated mid-strike, turning to ash in a puff of steam.
"Alright," I grinned. "One down. What else you got?"
The second clone moved then—faster this time. Its body was almost too quick to follow. It lunged, swinging its own blade with a slash too fast to avoid.
Ironfang Slash.
I raised my own blade, barely managing to block it in time. The impact was so sharp, it sent vibrations through my arms, forcing me to stumble back.
This thing wasn't playing around.
But I wasn't backing down.
Bloodrush.
I surged forward, using my momentum to kick the clone back hard. It flew, but before it could hit the ground, the shadow started to twist. Its form solidified again, becoming even more deadly. I had no time to react before it was back on its feet, swinging with the exact same Ironfang Slash.
I blocked again, but it was too much. My arms burned from the power behind each strike. The clone pushed me back until I was on the defensive.
And then, it fell apart in a burst of smoke.
"Two down, huh?" I muttered, wiping blood from my lip. "Getting predictable."
But before I could even get a breath, the third clone appeared in a flash of dark energy.
Quickstep.
I was ready this time. I spun, eyes darting behind me, but there was nothing there. Nothing until it reappeared—too late to stop it, too fast to block.
Ironfang Slash.
The clone's shadow blade slashed at me with terrifying precision. I twisted, dodging just in time to avoid a fatal hit. But the clone wasn't done.
It moved like a shadow, sliding past me in a fluid motion, and then it struck again.
I dropped low, eyes blazing as I used Serpent Reflex.
I twisted, the blade of my own cutting through the clone's form in one clean motion. The shadow screeched, its body warping as it crumbled to dust.
"Three down." My breath came out in shallow gasps. "Not bad. But I'm still standing."
I turned to face the Revenant. It hadn't moved. It was just... watching.
But then, a sudden shift in the air. I felt the shadows twist beneath my feet, and before I could even react, the Revenant moved. It was like it was everywhere at once—faster than anything I'd faced.
Its shadow blade was massive, flickering with crackling dark energy. It wasn't just trying to cut me. It was trying to end me in one blow.
I blocked—just barely.
The impact sent a shockwave through my entire body, knocking me back several steps. My legs wobbled from the power, but I caught myself before I hit the ground.
"Shit," I muttered, blood dripping from my lip. "This is getting old fast."
The Revenant didn't stop. It didn't pause. It wasn't giving me time to breathe. It was relentless—striking again and again, each blow faster and more brutal than the last. It was learning my movements, adjusting its attack patterns, and with every move, it was adapting.
Focus Pulse.
I unleashed a burst of energy, pushing the Revenant back with raw force. For a moment, the shadows pulled away, giving me a breath. But I knew it wouldn't last. I couldn't keep this up forever.
> [Warning: Shadow Clone is using "Black Lightning"]
Dammit another skill!??,I hissed.
Before I could even think, the air around me grew heavy. A sickly crackling sound tore through the air, and I looked up just in time to see the Revenant's blade channeling a blast of black lightning.
I dodged to the side, but the bolt grazed my shoulder, sending a shock through my body. I staggered, vision blurring for a split second.
> [Warning: Shadow Clone used "Dark Claw"]
And then, I saw it—before I even had a chance to react, the Revenant's hand morphed into a jagged, shadowy claw. It raked through the air, the dark power slicing toward me like a deadly talon.
Oh shit a nigg—black hand.
I barely blocked in time, but the force of the blow sent me skidding across the ground, my feet slipping on the stone.
"Dammit…" I gasped, trying to steady myself. "This thing's learning way too fast."
I could feel it the moment it shifted—this wasn't just a clone anymore.
The Revenant wasn't just imitating me. It was me.
Shadows curled around its form, swirling like smoke, but underneath it all, there was power—raw, controlled, and dangerous. Its violet eyes locked onto me, the coldness in them colder than the dead air between us.
We stared each other down, a silent understanding passing between us.
It was time to end this.
The Revenant's smile—if you could call it that—was a jagged mockery of mine, its cracked mask barely containing the malevolent force beneath.
And then it struck.
Bloodrush.
The air around it seemed to thicken, its every movement a blur of speed and deadly intent. It moved faster than I could track—its strike came out of nowhere, a slash aimed straight for my chest. I barely managed to sidestep in time, the edge of its blade grazing my arm.
The world spun around me as I forced myself to focus.
It was using my own Bloodrush against me, and it was faster, stronger, more brutal than when I used it.
The Revenant didn't even hesitate—it was already on me again, its body shifting through the air with inhuman grace. It didn't give me a moment to breathe, didn't give me any space to think. The fight had become a whirlwind of motion.
And it was like fighting myself. But worse. A mirror with a twisted edge.
I gritted my teeth and lunged forward to meet it—Ironfang Slash.
But it countered before I even reached it.
Quickstep.
It vanished from sight. One second it was in front of me, the next it was behind me, a flash of dark shadow and fire, its blade descending at my back. I barely twisted in time, but the Revenant's shadow blade was already coming for my throat, its movements so fast, I couldn't track them.
My heart hammered in my chest as I pushed out with Flame Guard, a wave of heat bursting from my body, forming a shield of searing fire around me.
Flame Guard.
The Revenant didn't flinch, didn't hesitate. It didn't even slow down as it threw itself into the fire, its body wreathed in dark flame, its movements swift and fluid.
The collision was deafening.
The fire around me seared the air, but the Revenant came through it, its form flickering like a shadow in the blaze. It didn't take a step back. Its sword came at me again, now crackling with the same dark flames.
Ironfang Slash.
I barely had time to react. The Revenant mirrored my attack, its blade slamming into mine with the force of a storm. The shockwave rattled my bones, the heat from the flames almost unbearable, but I forced myself to stay in the moment, to hold my ground.
We were locked in that moment, blades grinding together, neither of us giving an inch.
I could feel the weight of its power. It was using my own strengths, my own skills, and it was better at it than me.
I didn't have time to dwell on it. I had to fight back—Bloodrush again.
I surged forward with everything I had, my limbs burning with energy as I slashed down, aiming for the Revenant's chest.
But it was already one step ahead.
It dodged, the Revenant's body flickering like a shadow, moving at impossible speeds. Its blade caught mine, redirecting it with a smooth, fluid motion.
"Damn it!" I cursed, frustration tearing through me as I pivoted to strike again.
It was using my moves faster, more smoothly, more naturally than I ever could. Every strike, every step, every breath—it was a twisted reflection of my own.
Quickstep.
It blurred out of existence again, reappearing behind me. I spun, but the Revenant was already there, blade raised. The fight was becoming a brutal dance—every time I attacked, it countered with a faster, cleaner move. Every time I made a move, it was right there, turning my own strength against me.
Flame Guard.
Its shadow flame hit me like a freight train, slamming through my defenses. I fought back with my own flame, but it was like fighting fire with fire—it only made everything burn hotter. I could feel the heat gnawing at my skin, the pressure crushing down on me as I tried to keep my footing.
"Come on, damn it!" I roared, pushing through the pain. My heart pounded in my chest, my muscles screaming, but I wasn't going to let this thing—this monster—become me.
I couldn't.
I needed an opening.
I needed a weakness.
But the Revenant didn't give me that luxury. Its blade came down again, faster than ever, the dark flames licking at its edges. It moved like liquid shadow, faster than I could react, and it wasn't just using my skills.
It was refining them.
I barely caught its strike with my own blade, the impact so strong, I thought my arms would snap. The Revenant's laughter—cold and hollow—echoed in my ears.
"Is this all you've got?" it taunted, its voice a twisted mockery of mine.
And then it attacked again.
Bloodrush. Quickstep. Flame Guard. Ironfang Slash.
It hit me with all of it at once, a whirlwind of strikes, each more vicious than the last. The pain was overwhelming. The heat from the flames, the pressure of the blows, the speed of the attacks—it was like being crushed by my own power, twisted and turned back on me.
I staggered back, gasping for breath. The Revenant wasn't just using my skills. It was using me.
And I was running out of time.