I'm sitting on a swing, flipping through my profile feed. Not a single like under my selfies. Views only. Apparently, no one was hooked by my black and pink uniform with kittens, a selfie with a beautiful Sakura, or even photos of sunrise and sunset. All of these were ignored. But my classmates, who posted selfies with me passed out, hit the jackpot.
"Wow! Amazing hair! What shampoo did you use?"
*And my hair? Are they any different?*
Well, at least my hair was perfect until it was ruined by that idiot Tora!
"Is this a natural blonde? It looks great!"
*I have blonde hair too... Natural to the core… But apparently, people are more interested in cheap paint. A cutie? Is hypocrisy pouring out of your ears?*
"And what a cute face, this picture turned out well!"
*Makeup... Photoshop... a mask to please. To get attention. She did it.*
The comments are full of praises for the looks of those captured on their selfies. The girls, of course, did their best. She looks divine against my background. It is clear why such a reaction. And only occasionally – something about me. But that's not comforting. Jokes like "This is me when I forgot to style my hair on the way to school" or "A new contender for a role in a horror movie. Sadoko will be jealous. Tora-kun tried his best. Respect."
Tora-kun… Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you? It's all because of that joke, right? Is it worth risking my already shaky reputation for this?
I remember dressing up, choosing a pose for half an hour, and asking Sakura to help me look better and more natural. I felt more confident with her. Two hours for filters to make the photos perfect. I went outside then to take good pictures of nature, I wanted to show the world with my own eyes. But they were only interested in one thing: that ill-fated photo. In which it's not even me, but a beautiful girl for whom I'm just a background for popularity.
"Compare: me and her." I remember her words.
I'm sick of it all.
I remember the days when I first saw THIS GIFT OF THE GODS - the clothes in the shop windows that made me feel more confident. Beautiful, perfect, clothes reflect me. It's as unusual as I am, and as deep as my thoughts. Clothes are more than just beauty. It's an identity. Freckles, expressive eyes, sexy breasts… Clothes emphasize all this and help you to be yourself - not to disappear into this world of monotonous boredom, where you can not always be yourself.
I've always looked at the world through the lens of myself. I couldn't choose one thing. It's the same with clothes. And for all this, I worked wherever I could to earn money. I was a waitress, handing out parcels, mopping floors. And I stole from my parents when I didn't have enough money... *It doesn't matter. I swear it wasn't much!*
How naive it was to think that by finding myself, buying beautiful clothes and showing my true self, I would find my place in this society. It's so fashionable to show yourself to others now.…
Yes, only if you show them what they want to see. Only the appearance that meets the standards is appreciated. But how many people need the real you?
I was crying. Burning trails run down her cheeks. It's painful. I feel lonely in this world where no one seems to understand me. Simply…
"You're very beautiful, Ahri-chan. The main thing is, don't shut yourself in, and you'll succeed!"
Sakura! What the hell is the beauty if people avoid me? I'm nothing to them!
"To hell with it!" My heart is screaming. I'm in agony. The inner pain is tearing apart.
"I hate you all! I hate this! You're all perfect on your own, but at heart you're a piece of shit who likes to mess around!"
The phone is on the ground. No more social media. Stop being a part of this stupid society.
"If the meaning of angelic appearance is hypocrisy, then why do I need it? Who can say why this world is a complete spectacle? To find support, do I need to be an actor, play someone's role? Does being at the beck and call of others mean "being yourself"? What do these words mean? I don't understand!"
I'm shouting into the void, addressing the whole world. But will he hear my desperate whisper?
Maybe just disappear? Renounce this world and hide from it? But the fear of loneliness has always been stronger....But have I ever been alone? The irony of fate. Which is scarier: to live in harmony with oneself, but away from people, or to try to earn their love by getting lost in the reflections of other people's desires?
"Everyone disappear! Get lost! You make me sick!"
I can't cry. I must not let them see my weakness, admit defeat.
The swing creaks under the gusts of wind playing with my hair. The night sky stretched overhead like a velvet canvas studded with diamonds of stars... Oh, how I wish I could admire this beauty forever! Nature has always been my refuge, my salvation…
"I would like to merge with nature, become a part of this silent splendor and disappear forever from a world where no one cares about me, from a world of fake smiles and false promises..."
"Do you really think so?" Suddenly, a voice rang out.
"Who's there?" I shouted.
Suddenly, someone jumps onto the swing next to me, and I jump. I didn't expect anyone to overhear us.
"So you haven't met the person who will convince you otherwise."
The stranger looks at me and smiles. Remembering that my face is still wet with tears, I hurriedly cover it with my hands, trying to hide my pain.
"You shouldn't hide your beautiful face even when you cry..."
What is he carrying? Whose beautiful face? Mine? Is he blind? I can feel my cheeks turning red. Well, you're a hypocrite. Although I'm pleased with what he says.
"You're beautiful… Just know that."
It's corny. That's what they only say to freaks like me.
"This is not a platitude, but the truth. You're blooming like a beautiful flower....But how will the world know about your pain if you hide it from others?"
Does he read minds too? What have I gotten myself into? Probably just an urban nutcase. With this pattern, he attracts attention to himself, and for this he would even call the monster handsome, just to get something.
"Sato Chesuya, a sophomore in high school. Nice to meet you."
The stranger holds out his hand to me, but I push it away.
"Don't. Keep the formalities to yourself."
Friendship with an urban lunatic does not bode well.
"Oh, you don't want to get acquainted? A mysterious girl who doesn't let anyone into her world and is focused on herself? It's so cute!"
"It's so cute!" I mimic, deliberately distorting my voice to make it sound as nasty as possible. "And I'm a cheap pickup truck trying to glue everyone together."
Why am I even angry? Did it strike a chord or something else? Now he's probably going to get angry in response, just like Tora-kun would.
But the stranger just laughs. To wait... I've heard that laugh before.
"You're clearly overreacting by calling me a pickup truck driver. Call me Chesuya-kun or just Chesuya. And by the way, you still have a sweet voice."
No one has ever called my voice cute... but…
Wait, did he say "Satou Chesuya"? Where did I hear that name?
And then it hit me like an electric shock. Sato Chesuya... Tora-kun's best friend! The second most popular guy, whose beauty could well overshadow the very beauty of the Torah. Or maybe he's even more handsome? And these pheromones... thick, tart, like a challenge, just like Tora's. It looks like he wants to make himself known. I just remember that he was my crush once.
"You recognized me, didn't you? Ahri-chan, I can finally talk to you alone, without Sakura-chan."
What does he mean by that?
"I remember that every time I tried to make friends with you, you sent me away."
He leaned slightly towards me, and I couldn't help but notice his prominent neck showing through the thin fabric of his shirt. Devils danced in his eyes, and such a wave of warmth emanated from his body that I felt hot, despite the coolness of the night.
Oh yeah. He was a real pain in the ass, always following us around. And then I found out that he was a member of Torah's inner circle, and I immediately didn't want to talk to him. The thought of him telling Thora my secrets made me shiver. But now, looking at his sensual lips and broad shoulders, I wondered what he would have done if I hadn't been so careful.
"Oh, yeah. You've always been so unapproachable. Were you really afraid that I would reveal your secret?" His fingers touched my cheek, and I shuddered. The touch was light, almost weightless, but it gave me goosebumps. I remembered how I dreamed of his touch in high school, when we were both very young and stupid.
He's here now, but something has changed. In his eyes, I see not only desire, but also some kind of sadness, as if he, too, is looking for something that he has lost.
"What's the secret?" I whispered, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. My heart was pounding in my chest like a bird beating in a cage. I knew what he meant. That long-standing childhood hobby that I so carefully hid behind a mask of indifference. And now that he's standing so close, I realize that this infatuation may not have gone away. She was just hiding in the depths of her soul, waiting in the wings. But is it worth letting her go? After all, I know that all that awaits me in the end is disappointment and pain. It's always been this way, and it probably won't be any other way. Am I destined to love forever those who will never love me back?
"The one you're hiding so carefully," he chuckled, and I felt his breath burn my neck. Desire and disgust mixed in me in some kind of crazy cocktail. I wanted to push him away, run away, hide, but my feet seemed rooted to the ground. His gaze was so piercing, so understanding, as if he saw right through me, saw all my fears and complexes. And I realized that he knows more about me than I do. Does he really see that I'm just a little, scared girl who dreams of love but is afraid to open up to this world?
Forget about it! He is from the cat family. Like Tora-kun, this predatory species is capable of any dirty tricks. And between them and us, the dog family, there is eternal enmity.
"And Sakura... I remember how she tried to keep me away from you. The bruises didn't go away for a long time. Is she boxing by any chance? She took me down with one punch, even with half her strength!"
He talks enthusiastically about Sakura. He seems to like her. Yes, Sakura is a cutie. There's nothing can do about it. But…
His smile, his laugh… remind me of the smiles and laughter of my abusers. As if on purpose, he reminded me of her, of this tragedy. What is he doing here anyway? If he's still Tora-kun's right-hand man… I don't need to stay here. He was probably sent to spy or worse. Tora-kun is up to something, right?
"Wait, where are you going?"
"None of your business!"
I abruptly jump up from the swing, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. The pain rises in my throat again, but I hold on. I can't show him how bad I feel.
"I thought we could admire this night sky together. Let's listen to the cicadas. Let's talk about something."
"It's so nice to be alone!"
I turn around to leave. He didn't even seem to notice that there were tears in my eyes again.
"Wait a minute… Didn't you come here to tell someone? I'm here for you."
"Of course, I'm not going to cry into your vest!"
"Wow, what a hot-tempered girl you are! I like it already."
"Fuck you..."
I really have nothing to do here. He just pisses me off.
"Wait a minute… I just... wanted..." His voice sounded so uncertain that I froze for a moment. But then I remembered who he was, and all the pity disappeared.
"Get your dirty paws off me! You touched Tora-kun with with these hands!"
"Wow, wait! There's nothing like that between us!"
"I'm tired of both of you..."
"I'm telling you, we're just friends!"
"At least shove him up your ass! Just leave me alone!"
I turn around and walk away, feeling the tears running down my cheeks again. But I don't turn around, I don't show him my weakness.
More tears. I can't stop them, damn it! Weakling! Tora-kun is an idiot!
"If you shut yourself in, you'll never meet a soulmate..."
"Someone who understands me, right? Will this solve all my problems? I don't need it! Do you hear that? I can handle it on my own!"
Inside, everything is shaking with pain and despair. I want to scream, howl, smash something to pieces, but I hold on.
The tension between us is growing.
"Then why was your heart screaming so desperately, asking the world for love and understanding?"
"?!"
...
"Wait, don't go! At least take your phone. You dropped it!"
"I threw it away on purpose. I don't want to see the nightmare your friend got me into anymore! You can keep it for yourself."
"Why do I need someone else's phone?.. Wait, what happened?" There is genuine incomprehension in his voice. Did he really not know what Tora had done? Or is he just pretending?
"You don't know that! You're probably laughing with all these idiots! How... How can a hyena be more beautiful than me?"
"How are all these idiots? What idiots? Are you talking about Tora-san's gang?"
I'm showing my weakness again. I'm curled up on the ground, crying like it's the last time in my life... And people are probably thinking, "Why is she falling apart like a blob on a piece of paper? It's just a shame!"
"Hey, hey... It's not a good time."
Chesuya gently touches my shoulder, but I push his hand away. He doesn't give up and shakes me by the shoulders.
"Get up. Let's get out of here....This is not the place for such conversations."
"Go away!"
"Your face is really much cuter than a hyena's. It suits you much better. And you don't have that thing between your legs..." (0:0)
He looks into my eyes, and I feel myself blushing again. And anyway, what is he like…
"Don't do me any favors, you pervert!"
"Oh, it hurts..."
"I'm not going to dance to your tune anyway."
"You don't have to. Just let's go, I'll explain everything to you later."
"Fuck off! If you care so much about other people's opinions, then leave on your own!"
The statue freezes for a moment. He seems to be considering my words.
"I'm worried about something else entirely..."
"What could worry you more than judgmental looks? All you and Tora-kun do is take care of your reputation and cover up the traces of your crimes!"
"There is no time to explain. Let's get out of here. Take my cloak and wrap yourself in it."
"what? Why is that?"
"Just do as I say, please."
Ignoring my question, he grabbed my hand and led me along. Where is he taking me? What is he up to?
"Hey! Let me go! Otherwise, I will file a police report against you for kidnapping!"
"You'll do it later. We need to get out of here now. Quickly."
"What do you mean, 'fast'? Am I the problem?"
"Just listen to me for once! Do you even understand what's going on?"
There's a hint of annoyance in his voice. I notice that he's constantly looking around, as if he's afraid of something.
"Then explain it in a human way!"
"You're being watched," he whispered, barely
audible.
I instinctively recoiled, but he abruptly turned my face to him. His eyes became dark and serious.
"They shouldn't notice us!"
Fear, icy and sticky, held my body. I wanted to believe it was some kind of stupid joke, but the look on Chesuya's face said otherwise.
Suddenly, a voice is heard from the darkness.
A quiet but distinct voice:
"Hello, Chesuya! Where are you taking her?"
"Hurry up! They're getting close!"
Chesuya tenses up. His gaze gets even tougher.
"Who are these 'they'?" - I whisper, taking advantage of the moment. I want to understand what's going on.
He's silent.
"I think someone's got their eye on you..."
Chesuya replies, still holding my hand. His gaze slides over the darkness.
Chesuya stops near an abandoned building. His gaze was no longer light and carefree. He's all tense.
"Listen, Ahri, I don't have time to explain. Either you're coming with me voluntarily, or..." He pauses. "Or I'll do anything to make you leave."
"What are you going to do?"
Before I could figure it out, the world around me began to blur. His legs buckled like cotton, and he was irresistibly sleepy.
"Good girl..." - whispers Itchy right above her ear, and this whisper sends shivers down her spine. Terror shackles me, paralyzing my will.
It was the last thing I heard before my eyelids closed and I was plunged into impenetrable darkness.