Do you believe... in magic?
No... That's the wrong question. It should be: do you believe in reincarnation?
I always had my doubts about the superstitious beliefs on earth. I was a 'church goer' in every sense of the word. I won't lie—I really tried to believe in the preachings I heard every Sunday. I tried to bury those disturbing thoughts that tend to make me question everything that was. I was supposed to believe in the existence of heaven and hell, I was supposed to believe in God. But... there were times when I lay there on my bed and asked myself some... 'strange' questions.
Is this all there is to existence?
Is everything I have known since childhood all there is to life?
Be good and make heaven?
Was it really that simple?
Or am I only exposed to just a fraction of the whole truth?
Well, I can't say I am special for having these thoughts. Many also have these thoughts... or I think so.
What was before creation?
Was it just infinite nothingness?
If that's the case, then what existed before infinite nothingness?
I mean, there just had to be a beginning... right?
Well, either way, those thoughts only went puff as I dozed off. After all, I only had those thoughts whenever I was left alone to my devices, in the dead of night.
I never had an answer... even till this day.
But what I can tell you is that reincarnation is real—at least I am sure of this one thing. And the reason why I believe so is simple: I have experienced this phenomenon myself.
My name is Larson.
And this is my story. This is the story of a young man who became the slave of a god and fell into an infinite limbo of reincarnation, and with every iteration I retained the previous memories of my life.
It was fun at first. I can't at this point remember what started all this, but at the very least I can remember how excited I was to realize the supernatural was really real.
But with every iteration, this... this whole thing became a freaking nightmare.
Here I stood at the top of a skyscraper, watching the busy streets below as the wind tousled my hair.
"A nightmare indeed," I muttered.
Hahaha.
It's funny, you know—living through so many lifetimes of torment that at a point, you lose the zeal to live.
It's actually a wonder I still remember my first name.
Larson.
The kid who dreamed.
At a young age I accomplished so much, but also, so little...
Hmm.
If I had more time in that lifetime, perhaps things would be a little different than they are now. Perhaps... just perhaps, even after living through the countless heartbreaks, betrayals, guilt, and endless pain, I could still feel a bit fulfilled knowing that in one of my lifetimes, I actually did something meaningful with my life.
"Lena," I muttered.
My greatest mistake was not realizing how much she meant to me until I lost her.
I lost her in the most traumatizing way possible.
I was sure of it—she wanted me to forever remember I was the cause of her death.
Sigh.
Through countless iterations she hunts me. Perhaps she placed some curse on me, the reason I always end up at this point in all my lifetimes... the point where I want to take my own life.
"I hate you, Lena. I curse you... sobs... bitch." She might be my greatest love, but she is also the person I hate beyond even the god who kept me through these incarnations.
Sigh.
Karma is a bitch.
This time I mean it literally.
I have spent lifetimes trying to erase some karmic debts I can't even understand the origin of... I have a feeling it's all her. Why won't she let me be? Isn't it enough that I no longer want to live?! Why won't this nightmare end? Why? Why?! Someone... just fucking tell me why?
[Your death will change nothing]
I heard a voice in my head.
It was him—the very reason I keep reincarnating.
"Keeper," I muttered.
The keeper of the cycle of reincarnation.
The one who won't let me go.
My tormentor.
[This is your final chance. If you die now, your soul will become an eternal slave]
"Enough already. I know this is what you wanted from the very beginning. This is my eventual fate. There is no... saving my soul. Just drop the bullshit and tell me what you want from me."
I figured it out through these countless reincarnations.
It was all fixed.
Like the fate of a villain in a story.
I was always meant to die unfulfilled.
Die like the loser I am.
Experience even more pain that broke what was left of my soul.
And the memories—these damn memories cling to me through all iterations. I will never be happy.
I am fucking cursed!
Sigh.
[Fine. It's only fair, after all, your soul is now mine]
I said nothing.
Just kept staring down.
[After this lifetime, you will be reincarnated into a real world, where you will fulfill your fate]
"Don't bother. I will kill myself once I open my eyes in that world," I said coldly.
I was serious.
I hated living.
I despised it.
However, all I got from the keeper was laughter.
[You won't be able to]
Sigh.
It seems I will lose myself and free will as well.
I looked down, no longer interested in this discussion.
I stood up.
Looked at the sky.
"What do you want from me?" I asked once more.
[Your memories]
I smiled.
So that's all I am.
All this suffering was just for my memories?
Sigh.
Well.
This is it.
The world will not remember me, and my unanswered questions will remain as they were—unanswered.
Goodbye, cruel world.
It was never a pleasure to be born.
With that, I stretched both hands and took a leap of fate.
[...if only there was another way...] said a voice as the figure in distant existence gazed at the falling young man for the last time.
This was the end of the boy named Larson.