Lucy's POV
The car rides felt too short, maybe because I didn't want to get out, perhaps because I wasn't ready to face the whispers, the stares, and the weight of everyone's pity. I sat in the back seat, my fingers twisting the silver bracelet on my wrist, one of the few things that still felt normal.
"Sweetheart," Mom's voice was soft and cautious. "Are you sure you want to do this today? You don't have to."
Dad gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly, his knuckles white. "We can turn around right now," he added. "You can start whenever you're ready. Or not at all."
I swallowed hard. I knew what they were asking. Are you strong enough for this?
I had spent the better half of my senior year in a hospital room, my body hooked up to machines, my veins burning from chemotherapy. I had fought to keep my hair, then watched helplessly as it thinned, falling in clumps until I had to cut most of it off. I had battled nausea, exhaustion, and pain the kind that made me wonder if I'd ever feel whole again.
And then, as if cancer wasn't enough, Ethan happened.
He was supposed to be my rock, my person. The one who held my hand through the worst of it. Instead, he held Ava. Kissed Ava. Slept with Ava.
And just like that, I lost another part of myself.
I tightened my jaw and forced a smile. "I want to do this."
Mom still looked hesitant, but she nodded. Dad exhaled, finally releasing the steering wheel.
I opened the car door, the warm September air hitting my face, and stepped out with my best-forced confidence.
There was something about the first day in a new place that always felt the same, like stepping onto a stage in a play you never agreed to be in. The campus buzzed with activity as freshmen hauled boxes into dorms, upperclassmen reunited after summer, and student volunteers distributed orientation pamphlets. It should have felt like a fresh start.
If only I could believe that.
I took a deep breath, tightening my grip on the strap of my bag as I stood in front of Fairhaven University. The ivy-covered buildings gleamed in the morning sun, but the warmth did nothing to settle the knots in my gut. Maybe because the last time I had started a school year, my body was weak, my hair was falling out, and my so-called "perfect" boyfriend was cheating on me behind my back.
I blinked against the memories, forcing my feet forward.
"Lucy!"
Riley and Tessa nearly tackled me to the ground with their hugs, squeezing me so tightly that I almost forgot how fragile my body had become.
"You're here!" Riley practically yelled, stepping back to look at me. Her long auburn hair was tied into two messy braids, and she wore an oversized Fairhaven hoodie that drowned her frame.
"You look amazing, Luce!" Tessa added, holding my hands in hers. Her blonde curls framed her face perfectly, and her brown eyes searched mine as if she were trying to see past the walls I was putting up.
I laughed. "Are you kidding? I look like a potato."
"You look beautiful," Tessa insisted, and Riley nodded fiercely.
I wanted to believe them, but it was hard. My once thick, dark brown hair was now in a short pixie cut, and though I tried to style it, it still reminded me of everything I had lost. I had lost weight, and my once-full cheeks were now slightly hollowed out. There were still dark circles under my eyes, no matter how much makeup I wore.
But this wasn't a pity party. I refused to let it be.
"So, I heard about Ethan." Riley's voice turned sharp, filled with protective anger. "That complete and utter garbage can of a human."
Tessa groaned. "Don't even say his name. He's dead to us."
I wanted to avoid the whole topic, but they were my best friends. It was only right for them to say something to make me feel better about everything that had happened.
I let out a short laugh. "Trust me, he's dead to me too. It happened in high school... believe me, I'm over it." That was a lie. I wanted it to be true to myself, but the ache in my chest told me otherwise.
"I know it happened in high school, but you were already going through a lot. You didn't deserve what happened," Riley said firmly.
"Thanks, Riley," I said, smiling.
"Well, we are in college now, so better, nicer, and way hotter guys will come," Riley said.
Tessa grinned, nudging me. "Or, you know, better girls. I mean, if you decide to change your taste."
Tessa was gay; it was something she had never hidden from us. She had come out in the third grade, screaming out her love for one of our seniors, and we had been very supportive. At the time, Riley and I had blinked at her, exchanged confused glances, and then shrugged. Okay? We were eight. We cared more about trading snacks and which of us could swing the highest than the complexities of attraction.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not looking for a guy right now, and I certainly won't change my taste because of one breakup."
Famous last words.
We entered the campus, walking through the crowded courtyard. Students bustled around us, already forming groups, already figuring out where they fit in. Riley and Tessa chatted about their dorm assignments, and they had to sign some documents since they were living on campus while I wasn't. I was practically still living on campus but with my parents.
My dad needed me to be close to him to be able to monitor my health. He is a doctor at Fairhaven University Teaching Hospital.
I waited for Riley and Tessa. They were taking too long, so I took a brief walk to observe the college.
And then I saw him.
Ethan.
My breath caught.
I was seriously surprised to see him. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't supposed to in Fairhaven.
He stood by the student center, laughing with a group of friends like nothing had changed. Like he hadn't spent months watching me with those guilty eyes. Like he hadn't been the one to shatter my heart.
His gaze flicked up, locking onto mine.
My chest tightened as a thousand emotions rose at once. I wanted to hate him, to ignore the stupid flutter in my stomach that still existed despite everything. But before I could look away, his mouth parted as if he were about to say something…
And then I crashed into a solid wall of muscle.
"Oof!" My bag slipped from my shoulder, and I staggered back. Hands caught my arms, steadying me.
"Whoa. You okay?"
I looked up and met a pair of piercing storm-gray eyes.
My stomach dropped.
Brian Jagersmann.