Day 01:
"Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."
This is a line from the novel No Longer Human, by Osamu Dazai, that I've always admired.
But in this long streamline of life, a question has always struck me, what exactly is being a human?
Does human life really move in a straight line, Is it a river that flows that sweeps everything away? Is it a garden filled with both ugly and beautiful flowers but they all look the same so you have to be really careful which one you pick?
I've been teaching at this academy from a long time, would I be teaching somewhere else if I didn't take this job offer, or would I be doing something else or rather, would I be unemployed?
I've been observing my students for a while now, there's Tanaka, who I think, has a superiority complex, there's Mayumi, who's shy but she's diligent, there's Kaidou, who's really kind.
But the one that piqued my interest the most is a kid called Kurael.
Kurael has been a pretty ordinary student ever since I joined this academy, but one day, he just came to me and said one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard.
He said, "Hey Sensei, why do you keep talking to yourself inside your mind most of the time?"
Before I could even say something, that kid left.
I thought to myself "Have I been spacing out a lot lately?"
But yeah, even right now, I'm talking to myself in my head, aren't I?
I started observing Kurael more and more. But, he never came to talk to me ever since that one day he actually came to say that.
Anyways, I've seen lots of kids in this academy with different personalities.
Maybe I've been thinking too much lately. I've been carrying this diary with me everywhere and everytime.
Maybe I'm not ready to let go, maybe I'm not ready to let go of the past.
I love who I was, I love who I used to be.
I miss being myself. I miss the time when I hadn't lost anyone.
I love these kids, they're my precious students.
It's kind of lonely though, being the only teacher here. Well, my students love me so whatever.
I sit in my chair, reminiscing about the good times, the times I was happy.
The times I didn't question about what being a human or what a human life is.
Well, this is all I can write for today, honestly.
I hope tomorrow will be a new day for me.