I looked at the empty plate on the floor. Empty… like my entire being at this moment.
"I'm hungry."
So hungry… I… I don't know what to do with my life… What do I do now? I lost everything… I lost the person I loved the most… And I don't know if I can go on with my life.
My grandmother is the person I love the most in my life. She raised me, gave me a home, food, love… Thanks to her, I am the person I am now. A kind, polite, and respectful guy with everyone. She taught me to never use foul language. She taught me to respect people's lives. She taught me to be empathetic. She taught me what's right and what's wrong… She taught me to be a good human being. Thanks to my grandmother, I am who I am now. Without her, I wouldn't be happy… My grades are nearly perfect. My grandmother worked all day to pay for my school and feed me. Despite being poor, I never lacked food. My grandmother raised me without anyone's help. She fed me, clothed me, and gave me an education without anyone's help. We never received government assistance. Despite my excellent grades, I could never get a scholarship… But even though we were very poor, we were happy.
"Happy… Grandma, you made me so happy, I'll always be grateful to you… But… were you happy?"
I don't know… You never treated me badly… I never saw you angry… You were always so cheerful and smiling… Were you really happy, or were you pretending to be happy so I wouldn't worry? Despite your advanced age, you worked all day to bring food home… Did you enjoy your life?
"Or did I ruin your life?"
I'm scared to think that you couldn't enjoy your old age because you had to support me… A woman your age should have been at home, resting, not working… I… I ruined your life.
"I'm sorry, Grandma… Forgive me."
I always tried to be a perfect guy. I wanted my grandmother to be proud of me, but… Now that she's gone, it's not worth trying anymore… First, I lost my parents, and now I lost the person I loved the most. I lost my grandmother… Is it worth staying alive?
The debts are piling up… We've always been poor, so we have no savings… I… I don't know what to do.
I have no money, no job… I have nothing to sell… I have nothing.
"…What if I prostitute myself?"
"No… No…"
I shouldn't do it… My grandmother would be disappointed in me if I worked in something so dangerous and indecent.
Besides… what's the point of staying alive? Life has no meaning anymore.
"Grandma… I don't know if I can go on without you… I… I don't know what to do with my life."
I placed my grandmother's photograph on an altar… or an attempt at an altar… I don't have money to buy a frame… I put some flowers I stole from the park on the altar… I stole flowers from a park… I don't even have money for flowers… I'm sorry, Grandma… I'm so sorry.
"Forgive me… You deserve something better… But I'm not capable of getting it."
I'm sorry for being useless, Grandma. I'm sorry for being so weak… Forgive me.
I know I should move forward, that's what you'd want, but… no… I don't want to.
Why did I study so hard? To make you proud of me.
Why did I stay alive? Because I wanted to be by your side.
"…Did I not enjoy life?"
I don't know… I have Sonia, my girlfriend. I have my best friend, Cris… I still have important people in my life, but… it's not the same… I lost the only reason I was striving… I lost her forever.
I was only happy when I was with my grandmother… I was also happy with Sonia and Cris, but… it didn't feel the same… Is this depression? Maybe… But one thing I'm sure of… I don't want to keep feeling like this.
No family… No money… Is it worth staying alive? I still have my girlfriend and my best friend, but my presence would only bring them problems. I don't want to be a burden to them. I don't want them to pity me… I don't want to bother them with my presence.
I don't want people outside my family to have to support me… I don't want to receive people's pity… I don't want it.
"Grandma… Thank you for everything…"
…Tears…? Tears…
I can't stop crying… Grandma… I don't know what to do… I don't know.
I don't want to receive people's pity. I don't want to be a bother.
… I'm starving… I was rejected from all the jobs… And they only offered me work cleaning houses…
"But I can't accept those jobs… I don't want 'that' to happen again… I don't want them to try to rape me again… I don't want to be touched… I don't want, I don't want."
My body won't stop trembling… No… No, no, no… Don't remember anything, Daniel… Don't do it.
… Grandma, I think I hate my life without you… The sexual harassment, the rape attempts… The rape… The bullying at school. The mockery for being poor… Grandma, you were the light in my dark life.
Sonia, Cris, I'm sorry, but you're only matches in this deep, dark cave called life, and my grandmother was the sun.
I can't live my life without her.
"Grandma… I'll miss you so much."
I don't know if paradise exists… I don't believe in God, but… If it exists, I hope to see you again in that place.
Thank you for everything. I'm sorry for so little… I hope you're resting in peace, Grandma… I love you… And I'll always love you. In this life and any other.
Goodbye, Grandma… I hope to see you again… And I suspect it'll be very soon.
I don't want to live without you… I don't know how to live without you.
"Daniel…"
That voice… I was so distracted crying and thinking about my problems that I didn't notice he came in.
I turned to my left… It's Cris, my best friend… My only friend. Sonia is also my friend, but she's my girlfriend… Ah, I'm so stressed I don't know what I'm thinking.
Sonia, the girl I've been in love with since we were little.
Cris, Sonia, and I have been friends since elementary school.
Sonia is the only girl I've ever fallen in love with; I'm so lucky to have her by my side. The only reason I'm still alive and haven't killed myself is because I still have my best friends by my side. Even if they're matches in this deep cave, they're still important in my life.
Especially Sonia, the girl of my dreams. The only girl who fell in love with me for my personality and not my looks. The love of my life. If I manage to move forward with my life, I want to start a family with her.
"Sorry for coming in without permission, Daniel. Did I come at a bad time? I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you about something important."
"Don't worry… Hi, Cris… I'd offer you something, but I have nothing… Nothing…"
Not even food… I'm starving, but I don't want others to pity me.
I feel like my stomach is eating itself. Luckily, I'm not dehydrated because I drank water from a public bathroom sink… Water from a public bathroom… That's how low I've fallen.
I have no gas. No water… Not even electricity… I have nothing… Nothing! I'm useless without my grandmother… A useless person who can't support himself.
I hate this… I hate it… I hate it, hate it, hate it! I don't think I can stand my situation any longer.
Sonia, I want to see you, but I haven't showered in days… I don't want you to see me like this… You deserve someone much better than me.
… I think I'll break up with her. I love her, but I don't want to embarrass her. I don't want her to be known as the girlfriend of a filthy homeless guy like me who doesn't shower.
It'll hurt, but it's for her own good.
"…Daniel, we need to talk… I was debating whether to tell you or not, but I decided to tell you… You deserve to know the truth… We can't talk here. Let's go somewhere quieter and with fresh air."
"Yes… Yes, sure."
I hope it's not more bad news. My heart couldn't take it.
Cris, you look too serious… Please, no more bad news.
•
•
Humans vs. Demons.
CHAPTER 1 - A New Purpose.
My name is Daniel, and I'll tell you a bit about myself. I have black, somewhat long hair because I avoid cutting it for months, mainly to save money. My eyes are light brown, and I'm not very muscular, just thin (mostly because, although I eat every day, I eat very little to make the food last longer).
What stands out most about me? Well… Ah… I'm a somewhat handsome guy, but that doesn't really matter to me; in fact, it bothers me because it's caused me a lot of problems in my life. At school, other guys always bully and hit me, mostly out of envy or because their girlfriends try to flirt with me. But I rarely defend myself; I don't want to cause problems for my grandmother. I only fight back when they really make me angry.
I don't defend myself most of the time because I'm afraid of getting into trouble with dangerous people. I'm poor, after all. It's easy to kill or kidnap someone as poor as me, living in a dangerous and shady part of the city.
My grandmother and I live together; she's the only family I have… We're very poor, but at least we manage to survive and are happy together… Although everything changed… I lost her forever.
My grandmother died recently. Her heart stopped, and she died of a heart attack. They couldn't save her.
Her death affected me deeply. She was the only family I had… Now I'm alone… And I realized how useless I am. I don't know how to get by on my own… I don't know what I'll do with my life.
I sold some of my few belongings to pay for the funeral, but I don't care. As long as I could give her a dignified burial, I don't mind selling my things.
I have a lot of problems on my mind, and I don't know what to do… How will I live? Can I support myself…? I try to find a job, but no one hires me.
I was rejected from every job… I hate this… I hate it.
Ah… I really don't know what to do with my life.
"So, what did you want to tell me?"
Right now, I'm standing in front of my best friend; he said he had something important to tell me. We met at a park.
The atmosphere got very awkward. He looks at me with… pity… I'm pitiful to him…
I hate that look, but it's the only one he can give me right now. I'm disgusting right now, even I know it.
I don't want people to pity me.
"I'm sorry, Daniel."
Ah… I hope it's not bad news… Huh?
"…"
He showed me a photo on his phone… A photo that completely shattered my heart.
It's a photo of my girlfriend kissing another guy. My heart breaks seeing the photo… She's cheating on me… The love of my life is cheating on me.
She was one of the few reasons I had to keep living… No… She was the only reason I had… I… I… I don't know how to react… Why? Why did she do this to me?
I loved her, and I thought she loved me too.
I thought our relationship was working… I know I recently planned to break up with her, but…
Why did she do this?
Why with that jerk?
Why did she cheat on me?
…Tears…? Again… But I can't help crying. The girl I've loved for so many years is cheating on me with another guy.
Honestly, I don't know how to feel about this. Should I be angry, sad, or disappointed? I think what I feel is a mix of those feelings inside me.
Sonia is cheating on me… The girl I love is cheating on me…
"Sonia…"
"I'm sorry, I know what you're going through, but I can't let my sister make a fool of you… I'm sorry, if you need help, you can count on me and my family, you know that."
When my grandmother died, Cris's family, my best friend, offered their help, but I refused. I don't want to be a burden.
… Sonia is cheating on me… Well… Ah… Yeah, I guess nothing matters anymore. It's not worth giving importance to that issue right now.
She cheated on me, that can't change. What's done is done. The healthiest thing would be to just end my relationship with her and move on… But now that Sonia cheated on me, I officially have nothing important left in my life.
Why keep living a gray and empty life? I've been betrayed.
I thought Sonia loved me. I thought she fell in love with me for being Daniel, not for being a pretty face… But I guess she didn't fall in love with Daniel, she fell in love with the pretty face.
Falling in love with someone for their looks isn't love, it's just physical attraction. But falling in love with someone for who they are, their personality, that's romantic love.
I thought Sonia had fallen in love with me for who I am and my feelings… I was a fool for believing that was possible.
Life has treated me like a trash bag. The only good things I had were my grandmother and my friends. But now, my grandmother is dead, Sonia cheated on me, and Cris pities me.
My life has completely turned into garbage. And what do you do with garbage? You throw it away.
"Yeah… But I don't want to bother your family… I'll be fine… Thanks for telling me, you'll always be my best friend… I-I have to go… I need to rest."
"Yeah, I understand."
"And… well… Tell Sonia we're done, and she shouldn't talk to me ever again. It's a bit extreme, but I don't think I can talk to her again."
"I agree with your decision. Knowing you, I was ready to hit you if you planned to forgive her. She may be my sister, but infidelity is never forgiven."
"Yeah, I know… Goodbye, Cris… And thanks for everything… Thanks…"
I approached him and hugged him tightly.
"Daniel?"
"Thank you for everything, Cris… Thanks for being a friend to someone like me."
"Daniel…"
"I have to go… Goodbye."
I walk away, crying even more than before. That really affected me… My heart hurts… A lot… I really loved her. I loved her so much. I thought I'd marry her. I wanted her to be the mother of my children… But I guess she didn't love me.
We should never have been together… I'm doomed to never be genuinely loved… I'll say goodbye to this love thing. I highly doubt I'll ever fall in love again.
I want to end my suffering… I don't want to live anymore.
I'm sorry, Grandma… What I'm about to do is very cowardly, but I really can't take it… You died, I can't find a job, I have no money to buy food, and now Sonia cheated on me… I know you'll be disappointed in me, and I'm sorry, but… I've decided to kill myself… I'll see you very soon, Grandma.
"It's not worth staying alive."
••
Ah… I'm ready.
I climb onto a chair and place a rope around my neck. I made a hole in the ceiling and tied the rope to a corner of the ceiling.
I'm in the room I shared with my grandmother, which has no furniture, just some blankets on the floor I use as a bed. The floor is dirt, and the walls aren't painted… Yes, that's how I lived. Very uncomfortable, but I didn't complain; I was happy being by my grandmother's side.
But now that I've lost her, I realized the shortcomings in my life. I can't live like this, and I don't mean the state of my home, I mean my mental state. The stress, the pain, the sadness… I can't keep enduring so much pain.
We never had enough money to improve the house… And I sold the few things I had.
I'm useless, I know… I know.
"I'm sorry, Grandma… I really can't take it… That's why I'll end my suffering."
I'm about to hang myself, the rope is around my neck, and I'm ready to jump.
I'll die… I'll definitely die… If I didn't want to die, I would've backed out already, but I don't want to stay alive… I want to be dead.
It's not worth living anymore. I'm sure my life will never be good; I'll always be suffering. The only reason I was happy was because I had my grandmother. Rape attempts, a rape, school bullying, sexual harassment, false accusations… I've suffered everything, and I'm sure I'll suffer more in the future… The best thing would be to spare myself that suffering and die once and for all.
"My whole life, I was a good person… If there were a God, He would be compassionate with me and help me. I have no one left, I have no reasons to live."
God, God, God… I was never religious because God never helped me. All the times I escaped being raped, it was because I saved myself. God has nothing to do with it.
But my grandmother was very religious… Just for that, I have hope that God exists and will let me reunite with her.
I'm about to jump off the chair and smile as tears stream from my eyes. I'll die, I'll definitely die. There's no turning back.
I'm happy and sad… I'll die, but I'll soon see my grandmother again… I've never been religious, but I have hope that paradise exists. I want to see my grandmother again. I want to see my parents. Meet my mother… I want to reunite with my family; I don't want to be alone anymore.
"This will end soon."
One… Two… And three.
I jump… I jumped… I'll suffer a bit, but it'll all be over. I hope they don't take long to find my body.
…
…
…
This dying thing is taking a while. I don't even feel pain.
Something weird is happening… Huh? W-what?!
I-I can't move, I'm floating in the air! What's happening?! Is this what dying feels like?
"Huh? W - W-why can't I move?" I said, scared and nervous about this surreal situation.
This is too weird. Have I gone crazy?
"Wait, wait! Don't do it!"
Suddenly, I hear a voice that's not mine… It's an old man's voice… I don't recognize it. Am I really going crazy? Maybe I'm hallucinating from suffocating.
Well, it's not like I'm complaining. If hallucinating avoids the pain, continuing to hallucinate isn't so bad.
"You were really going to kill yourself?! I thought you'd back out!"
Ugh… Hearing that voice scared me a lot, and I turn pale. It sounded like someone was standing in front of me. I admit hallucinating isn't so pleasant anymore; I think I'd rather suffer a bit.
Uwaaaah! I've gone crazy! Please, life, let me die in peace!
"Who said that?!" I said, scared… No… Terrified.
I'm not afraid of you, hallucinations…! Huh? Who's that?
An old man appeared out of nowhere in front of me. He's wearing a completely white suit, is bald, and his eyes are entirely white and glowing… That old man is so weird. Could he be some kind of angel coming for my soul?
… Ah… Yeah, I've gone crazy.
"Hello, Daniel," he said, smiling.
…
…
…
What the hell just happened?! An old man appeared out of nowhere in front of me! This is too weird! I've definitely gone crazy. Why can't I have a more normal death?!
"Who are you?! And why can't I move?!" I said, scared.
This is too weird to be a simple hallucination. It must be an angel who's going to punish me for killing myself! Ahhhhhhhh! Suicide really is punished by God! Forgive me, Grandma!
"You can believe me or not, but I am God."
…
…
…
Huh?
"Did you hear me? Don't stay silent. As I said, I am God. A pleasure."
…
…
…
Huh? God? Did I hear that right? He said he was God?
"…God?!"
"That's right. Daniel, I've been watching you for a long time. You're someone with a pure heart, something rare in humans… Well, your pure heart is a perfect combination of a normal pure heart and a beautiful soul… You're something very rare."
Huh? Pure heart? I've read stories about that, but I didn't know it was real… I feel like he's telling the truth, but this is too weird.
I'd say I'm still hallucinating, but this feels so real that I don't think it's just a hallucination.
"P-pure heart?" I said, confused.
This situation is so strange. Is he really God?
"You're a very good person, perfect for a job I want you to do."
A job? He's asking for my help? But why me?
I never imagined God would give me a job. Did he pity me? Well, as long as he pays me, I'll take the job. I can't reject God; my grandmother would never forgive me.
"M-me?"
"Yes, you."
He's smiling… He seems friendly. His smile doesn't seem fake.
If he's God, why doesn't he do it himself? He could finish the job easily… After all, he's a God. He can do anything.
"Why me? Why don't you do it?"
"My job is to observe and not interfere, but something very bad is happening in World 1 that needs to be fixed."
Observe and not interfere, huh? Well, that would explain why he never helped me. My grandmother taught me to be empathetic with others. I admit I felt some resentment toward God for giving me such a painful life, but now that I know he couldn't interfere, I should let go of that unnecessary resentment. God isn't to blame; I just had bad luck.
… Wait… World 1?
Are there more worlds? Is it an alternate world?
I've heard about that, but I never imagined it could be real.
More worlds… Will there be a world with only women? A world with animals that can reason and talk? Or are they worlds just like this one?
Well, whatever it is, it sounds awesome! Alternate worlds… Cool.
"World 1?"
"It's a parallel world. Let's say there are many worlds. Your world is number 15."
Number 15, huh? That means there are 14 worlds below mine. Does the number just differentiate us, or does it reflect the importance or advancement of the world?
Well, that's not important right now.
Hearing that God needs me is something I never thought I'd hear, but I don't think I'd be capable of doing it. I'm useless… I feel useless. There must be millions of better options than me.
"But I…"
"I know you think your life is ruined, but you can move forward. So, you can help me with the job or kill yourself. Consider that if you help me, you could save many worlds; you'd be a hero."
… A hero?
Me? Could I be a hero? Those words… For some reason, I don't feel as depressed as before… Was all I needed a purpose in life?
Is God giving me a reason to keep living?
Before, I lived my life just to please my grandmother. She didn't ask me to, but I did it so she'd see her efforts weren't in vain. I spent my time studying to be a good student, to make my grandmother proud, sacrificing my free time.
I lived my life with the sole purpose of making my grandmother proud and happy, but now that she's gone, I felt like my life had no purpose anymore.
But now God is giving me a mission, a goal, a purpose. God needs me… Someone needs me… Someone considers me useful.
"A h-hero?"
"You're someone special; that's why I need you."
S-special…? Me? Is he saying that to make me feel better, or am I really special? It'd be too egotistical to believe I'm actually special. He must've said it just to make me feel better… I think.
God extends his right hand to me, smiling.
The hand of God… Literally.
This situation is so strange, but… calming.
I don't know what's happening, I don't know what God really wants from me, but he makes me feel like I have a purpose in this life.
"Do you accept?"
Being a hero sounds awesome, and God Himself is choosing me for the job. It's something I shouldn't reject… No, I can't reject.
Out of millions of people, God chose me. I don't know if I'm hallucinating or in a coma and dreaming, but I don't care; I'll go along with it even if it's just a dream.
"I-I guess I can't reject God. I'll do it," I said with a nervous smile.
I should smile at God to show I trust him and his words, but my nervousness betrays me. After all, who wouldn't be nervous in such a bizarre situation?
God raised his hand and patted my head. It feels nice. It's a pleasant sensation.
I'd feel weird if an old man I barely know patted my head, but this old man is God, a benevolent being. I shouldn't distrust him.
"You've made the right decision."
… Huh? W-what?!
Everything around me started spinning! Am I inside a whirlwind?! What's happening?!
•
•
After God and Daniel disappeared out of nowhere, small lightning bolts began to emerge from the rope. Why? Because of direct contact with a God's magic.
And that small mistake would bring consequences.