Medical Bay
The Normandy
John K. "Jack" Shepard
I jerked awake, and gasped for breath.
"No, don't touch me! Don't touch me! Don't come close!"
"Jack? You're awake!"
Dr Chakwas hurried over to my bed and tried to hold my hand, but I snatched it away as though I had been burned. I struggled and strained against my restraints, trying to move away and escape to a place where I didn't have to remember the feel of Morinth's smooth skin or hear her voice in my head.
"Jack, calm down. Try to relax. You're back on board the Normandy. You're in my Med Bay, and you're safe now."
Little by little, I relaxed and stopped struggling. It was a good thing that Dr Chakwas had strapped me down, or else I would have leapt off the bed, started running and never stopped.
"Morinth!" I managed to say. It came out in a strangled grunt.
"She's dead," Chakwas said. "Garrus shot her. She can't touch you anymore."
I reached for Dr Chakwas's hand and she held it firmly.
"Thank you. Thank you," I said.
"Try to sleep, you need your rest," she told me.
"Mission. Collectors," I said, forcing the words out.
"They'll keep. We can't succeed if our commander isn't at his best. Just go to sleep."
"No sedatives," I reminder her.
"No, I won't give you any," Chakwas said.
"Thank you," I said. One last thing that I had to make sure. "Samara?"
"She's fine, Jack. She made a full recovery."
"That's...good," I said. Then I went back to sleep.
I had several confusing dreams, flashes of reality and imagination twisting together until I could no longer tell which was which. I realised that whatever Morinth did to me, it would probably be permanent.
She was no longer alive, but some last psychic echo of hers lingered on in my mind. Since all of her other victims were dead, I was the only one still keeping her alive.
I woke up again after a while, but less violently this time. Dr Chakwas wasn't in the room, and my restraints had been removed. Samara wasn't either. Everything was quiet and still.
Well, not everything.
I thought you were strong, but you are weak. Your mind is open to me, Shepard. I am in and I will never let go, whispered a voice in my ear.
"Get out of my head!"
I lurched over to a sink and threw up. Then I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror.
I looked as though I had aged twenty years. My eyes were sunken, hollow. My face was lined and haggard. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I needed to get a grip on myself, to become Commander Shepard again. Or else countless people would suffer and die.
I left the Med Bay and headed to the direction of the Starboard Observation deck. I needed to talk to Samara, maybe get my head straight.
Samara had changed out of her crimson outfit, apparently it had been shredded during the fight with Morinth. She was wearing a sleek black suit with yellow trim, and she looked amazing in it. As always, she was cross-legged on the floor, staring out at the great expanse of stars in the black.
"Commander Shepard, it's good to see you're awake. How are you faring?" asked Samara, without turning her head. I sat down beside her.
I said nothing for a little while, just staring into space. Then I began to speak slowly.
"Samara, is the connection of an Ardat-Yakshi really permanent? I still can hear her voice in my head. I can remember what it felt like when our minds melded. I keep getting flashes of memory that are not mine. I don't know...I don't know if I can live like this."
Samara looked shocked, then quickly composed herself. "I do not know. We have very little information on the capabilities of the Ardat-Yakshi, or their effects on a victim who is still alive. You might be the first."
"Oh great, looks like I get to spearhead a whole new branch of science," I said, rubbing my head.
"This is troubling. I am not sure if this will affect our mission," Samara said.
"It won't," I said firmly.
"How can you be certain?"
"Because I won't let it happen. This mission is too important for me to fail. I have to get it done. Even if the ghost of someone dead laughs at me in my head now and then."
"Perhaps I could assist. Meditation might calm your mind and still your thoughts," Samara offered.
"I'll give it a try."
We did that for a little while. Then Samara spoke up, almost hesitantly.
"These memories you speak of...what exactly do you see?"
I considered.
"They're pretty vague. Nothing concrete. I guess I don't want them to be. I get feelings more than images, hints of blood, pain, ecstasy and despair. I don't want to be a witness to all the atrocities that Morinth committed."
"No, I suppose not," said Samara. She sounded a little sad.
"What were you hoping for?" I asked curiously.
"I wasn't doing anything of the sort - "
"Come on Samara, we've shed blood together. I think we can be honest with each other."
Samara was quiet for a while. But then she answered me.
"Morinth was always the most prominent of my daughters. The best and brightest. As a young maiden she was so brilliant. The things she said and did...I allowed myself to hope. To believe that the imperfection within me would spare her. No one was more devastated than I was when we found out she was one of them."
Samara looked down at her hands as she continued speaking.
"But Morinth had a completely different reaction. She was the only one who chose not to accept the solitude that was prescribed for someone like her. She wanted to explore the galaxy, to see its sights. There was so much she could have done. So much good.
"How could she have fallen so far, so fast? What made her so corrupt? Morinth, of all my daughters, reminded me the most of myself. I believe I would have done the same in her case. But she went too far. She crossed the line. She indulged herself in desires that hurt and killed a great number of people. She made a mockery of my own quest for justice, perverting everything I stood for.
"At the end, I was compelled by my code to attack my own daughter, the one I felt the closest to. You and your crew spared me from making the killing blow, and for that I am grateful. But my daughter is dead, and this broken down old warrior's only memories of her are a ghost trapped within the recesses of your mind."
"Morinth made her own choices," I said. "Her decisions led to her violent end."
"You must resist her," said Samara. "You must ignore her voice, guard yourself against her."
"I'll do my best. I have no other choice."
"I am sorry, Shepard. For forcing you to do this. For letting this happen."
I sighed. "Can't say it's been fun, but remember what I said about choices? Well this is mine. I chose to help you. Wasn't forced, not by you. I'm going to see this through. Every choice has its consequences."
Samara looked at me with wonder. "I have heard such wisdom before, but not from someone so young. You are a true paragon."
"Nah. I'm no hero. I'm just me," I replied. "I do the job. I used to get paid and get the girl as well, but those two are a mite shaky as of late. But still, I do the job. It's what I was meant to do."
Samara reached out and touched me on the arm. "It will be an honour to fight alongside you."
I smiled. "Likewise."
I slowed things down a little as I healed both my body and mind. We did a few missions, nothing major. Worked on upgrading the Normandy. Got to know my crew a little better. When I was sharing a laugh or some quiet conversation, I didn't hear Morinth's voice quite so often.
I was hanging out with Tali on the engine deck, making small talk. It was amazing how much being around her made me feel. She and Garrus were the only two who truly understood what I had been through, and were the ones I could trust implicitly. Engineers Donnelly and Daniels were taking a break, and the two of us were alone. Tali was laughing at some stupid joke I made.
"...no, Jack, I don't think that would be possible," she said.
"Not even with the new upgrades?" I asked.
"Not even then. This 'Crazy Ivan' idea of yours is technically impossible."
"I thought you quarians could make a lump of metal do eezo jumps?"
"Well, not even I can make this happen," Tali said firmly.
Tali looked at me for a little while, then plucked up the courage to ask me something else. "Jack, I have a question. It's sort of personal."
"Fire away."
"Do you have feelings for Jack?" She seemed to realise the potential confusion. "Sorry, the other Jack. Girl with tattoos."
I was surprised. "I suppose I do. Was it that obvious?"
"Ah, I thought as much. It's strange, really. You and Chief Williams were so good together."
I looked away. "I thought so too. Guess not."
"If you don't mind me asking...why?"
I thought it over a little. "I don't mind at all, Tali. You're the little sister I never had. You know you can ask me anything. As for Jack...well, the heart works in mysterious ways."
"But what is it that you like about her?"
"Well, she's beautiful. I mean, really beautiful. She tries to hide it with the baldness and ink, but she looks amazing just the same. And she's a fighter. She's had to struggle and fight her whole life, sometimes against impossible odds. That's something I feel we share."
"Is that it?" Tali asked.
I considered some more. "If you held a gun to my head, I guess it's a hero complex or something. I want to help her, Tali. Call me old-fashioned or whatever, but I won't give up on her. She can be something other than what she has been her whole life, if only someone would take the trouble to get to know the woman behind the weapon. I know we're on a mission to save entire human colonies, but to me, saving one woman is more important."
I couldn't see Tali's facial expressions, but I knew her well and her body language suggested self-satisfaction.
"I knew it! You really do care about her. Oh, I'm so glad I was right."
I raised an eyebrow. "Mind telling me what you're talking about?"
"It's just that...we've been talking a lot lately. Jack and I. The other Jack."
"You were talking? About me?" I asked.
"Among other things, yes. After I found out you rejected Ms Lawson - "
"Oh my God, how did you find that out? Is nothing on this ship sacred?" I said, mortified.
"Please Shepard, you know it is. Anyway, I heard it from Kasumi."
"I'm going to keelhaul that girl..."
"Idle gossip is part and parcel of shipboard life. Trust me," Tali said knowingly.
I sighed. "So what devious secrets did you reveal about me?"
"Nothing major. She came up to the engine deck one day and we just got to talking. She seemed pretty interested in you, to be honest."
"Like what exactly?"
"You know, like what kind of person you were, how were you like in those days when we fought Saren, that kind of thing."
"So what did you tell her?"
Tali hesitated. "That you were the best friend anyone could ever have," she said slowly. "That you truly believed in doing what is right over what is easy. That you were a hero in every possible way."
I felt a tear well up in my eye and brushed it away. I leaned over and gave Tali a hug. "Thank you, Tali. It means more to me than you'll ever know."
Tali gave me a hug right back. "I was just speaking the truth, Jack. You are an amazing person. And if you really like her...well, all I can say is that she's very lucky."
I decided to tease her a little. "Hey, Kal'Reegar's a lucky guy too."
"Reegar? But why...oh. Ohhh. Oh please, it's nothing like that!"
"I think he's got a little crush on you..." I said, deliberately annoying.
"He does not! Wait, does he? Really?"
"Maybe I'll ask him, find out what he thinks."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Oh I would, Miss vas Normandy."
I felt great after talking to Tali. It gave me the resolve I needed to finally confront Jack. We hadn't really talked after she rescued me from Morinth. It was time to set that straight.
To my great surprise she wasn't lounging around doing nothing or playing with her knife. She was reading something, and looked up when I came in.
"Hey Jack," I greeted her.
"Shepard," she said, her expression neutral.
"What have you got there?"
"Something I swiped from Goto," she said. "Earth wars and other historical stuff. I want to know why you find this shit fascinating."
I shrugged. "I just do. Among other things."
Jack gave me a sideways look. "Was that a come on? God, you are so lame, Shepard. I can't believe you're not a virgin."
My mouth fell open. "Well – I'm not!"
Jack leaned back. "I saved your life. Is this what this is about?"
"Partly. Thanks, by the way."
"No big deal," said Jack, sounding bored.
"But we need to discuss this," I said. "Discuss us."
Jack laughed. "Why? I'm not interested in some dumbfuck love affair. Never goes right."
"Why do you put so much distance between us?" I asked.
"I talked to your quarian friend. She seemed...genuine. I don't think you helped me just because you wanted another weapon. Not anymore," Jack said.
"So why do you keep running?"
Jack was silent for the longest time. Then she spoke a single word. "Murtock."
Who the hell was Murtock? I wondered, but then it became apparent that Jack was about to explain him.
"He used me like the rest. For sex. For biotics. It was fun, and he ruined everything. We tagged a weapons frigate with a batarian escort and got separated. He had a choice. Leave with the guns, or come back for me. Idiot dumped the score and waded into the squints. I made the shuttle, but no way he was getting out."
"And?"
Her eyes were faraway. "I fly for a day or so, and the shuttle plays this recording. He'd set it to play if he didn't check in by that time. Figured he'd be dead by then. Talked about the future we were supposed to have, how he planned to set us up a home."
She hesitated.
"How he...loved me and said he was sorry it wasn't going to happen."
There wasn't a note of sadness in her voice. More of anger at the loss of the future she was robbed of. Jack didn't have time for regret, but she could get mad at the things that caused it.
"How many batarians did you kill for that one?" I asked.
"Wasn't their fault. It was his. You feel, you get sloppy. It's that damn simple. He found out, and you will too!" Jack said, a touch of anger in her voice.
"If he had left you, you would have died."
"So what? Ever see me flinch? Or run? Death is easy. Fuckin' on off switch. But this...it just burrows in. Like those husks, you end up with nothing inside. I'm supposed to take that and say 'thanks, dead guy?' I'd rather be dead," she said.
"I can't make all of that go away, Jack. Not in a few talks," I said.
Jack folded her arms. "No kidding," she said, almost sadly. "Told you we wouldn't work. Guess you'll be spending more time upstairs."
I shook my head. "Nope. I'll be staying down here with you."
Jack gave me a look of pure incomprehension. "But you just said -"
"I said I couldn't wave my hand and make everything better. That doesn't mean you're not worth staying for anyway."
"Okay. What the fuck Shepard?" asked Jack in bewilderment.
"You think we can't be together because you're nuts? Hell, join the club. We're all inmates here on the Normandy Asylum," I said.
"You've got problems. Who the hell doesn't? I definitely have them. I'm technically a zombie, for God's sake. And that's just the start. But you're just not getting it, I don't give up. Ever. And that means I'm not giving up on you."
"But I'll just fuck you up!" Jack cried.
"You wouldn't be the first."
"How does that even make sense?"
"Doesn't need to. I know what I want. It doesn't matter if you think it's pointless to try, I don't care. I want to make this work. I want to try," I said, conviction in my voice.
Jack backed away. "I...I need some time to think, alright? Just...leave me alone. For a while. Goddamnit."
I went up the stairs. "Take all the time you need. I'll still be waiting."
Abandoned Cerberus Research Facility
Mnemosyne
Thorne System
"I don't like this. It's too quiet," Grunt growled, as we moved through the silent corridors.
"Yeah, me neither. We should get the fuck out of here, Shepard," Jack said.
"Settle down. We still need that Reaper IFF. Samara, take point. Thane, watch our six," I said.
"As you wish," Samara said.
"Certainly," Thane agreed.
We kept in a tight formation, slowly moving through the derelict Cerberus research facility. The Illusive Man claimed we needed a Reaper Friend-or-Foe-Identificator to get through the Omega 4 relay without being blown up by whatever defenses the Collectors may have stashed on the other side of the relay.
He mentioned one such IFF device possibly located within the bowels of an ancient dead Reaper, a corpse millions of years old which his scientists were examining. Ominously, he had lost all contact with the team a few weeks ago and the investigative teams he sent had not reported back.
I shared Grunt's growing sense of dread as we moved through the facility. There were no enemies, at least none that we could see, but the logs left by the scientists were highly disturbing. They were clearly losing their minds and their sanity the longer they spent in close proximity to the Reaper corpse. As their project head hauntingly put it; 'Even dead gods can dream.'
Jack was high-strung, but Samara was a calming influence. I had come to depend heavily on the justicar, and her centuries of experience lent her a bedrock of serenity even in the most intense of situations.
She moved ahead with absolute confidence, trusting completely in her biotic abilities and fighting skills. Thane as ever was as cool as ice, quickly scouting positions and keeping watch over us. I began to feel a little less paranoid. Surely with them around, nothing could go wrong.
We stepped through a decontamination chamber, and out the other side into a wide open area. I still couldn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary, and moved warily, senses strained to detect any sign of danger.
Two sniper shots rang out, and I heard the sound of a couple of bodies hitting the ground. As I spun around in shock, two husks whose heads had been recently ventilated were lying on the floor right behind me. If it weren't for the mystery sniper, they would have taken me down from behind.
"Over there!" yelled Grunt, and I looked up to see what he was pointing at.
It was a single geth wielding a sniper rifle, but unlike any geth I had ever seen before. It had a massive hole right in the middle of its chest that didn't seem to impede it in any way. On its shoulder was a piece of armour that looked strangely familiar.
It stood up straight when it saw us. And to my amazement, it spoke a single word.
"Shepard-Commander," it intoned. Then it leapt off its perch and out of sight.
"A talking geth. That's new," remarked Jack. Then all hell broke loose.
Swarms of husks attacked us as we battled our way across the facility. They were significantly tougher than I remembered them being, certainly stronger than the ones I encountered on Eden Prime. Grunt and I were scrabbling for extra thermal clips as we poured a steady stream of fire into the onrushing hordes of husks.
Jack and Samara were using their biotics intelligently. Instead of attacking the husks directly, they were exploiting the environment by flinging the husks over the safety railings to their doom. Jack's shockwave was chewing everything up in sight, while Samara was clearing the area of husks steadily but relentlessly.
Still, we would have been overwhelmed if not for Thane. The assassin fell back as soon as he saw that we were about to be attacked. Then he went to work.
Thane never wasted a bullet like Grunt and I were doing, unleashing relentless gunfire on the ranks of husks. Nor did he rely solely on his biotics, like Samara and Jack were doing. With every step he took a shot, and with every shot a husk died. When a husk got too close, he flung them away with a biotic push, and let either myself or Grunt take care of it. Otherwise, he was mowing them down with his sniper rifle, taking aim, firing and moving on to the next target faster than the eye could blink.
We moved as a team, as a unit. We watched each other's backs, never went after the same target. Grunt would slam a fist into a husk charging at Jack so hard it would be sent flying over the railings. Three husks would advance on Samara and Thane would snipe two of them, leaving her to easily deal with the last one. I felt a surge of confidence as we fought through the husks, never giving an inch. The team I had worked so hard to build was coming together at last. We just might stand a chance against the Collectors.
Then...two scions. Blocking our way. Two of the toughest opponents we'd faced so far.
I looked at Grunt. "Think you can handle one?"
The young krogan stared back at me, his huge face inches from mine. Despite all of his ferocity and aggressiveness, he still deferred to me as his Battlemaster. Kelly had even speculated that the respect he felt for me went deeper, that I could very well be the father figure he naturally gravitated towards.
I took that responsibility very seriously. If Grunt looked to me as a father, then I would be one. The krogan had impressed time and time in battle, and he was growing into his role as a standard-bearer for all krogan.
But I was asking a hell of a lot. I wanted Grunt to engage the first scion alone, while the rest of us hammered down the other one. Only overwhelming firepower would work against them. Hopefully we could do it in time before Grunt was killed by the first one. It was a monumental task. I waited to see how he would react.
Grunt smiled, his mouth looking like the Grand Canyon. "On your signal."
He was willing to follow my orders, even this one. I prayed I was doing the right thing.
"Alright. NOW!"
We sprung out from behind cover and unloaded everything we had on the second scion.
Thane sniped away at the scion's 'head', again and again. Jack sent crashing waves of biotic energy barrelling into the patchwork horror. Samara focused, using her reave abilities to prevent the scion from repairing its shields. For my part I just blasted away with my assault rifle, hoping against hope that the scion would go down just in time so we could help Grunt. I could hear him roaring, and I feared the worst.
Under the barrage of our furious attacks the scion weakened, then collapsed, its hide on fire. Jack blasted it into the air and we rushed over to where Grunt was battling the second scion by himself.
He was on the ground, flat on his back, something I had never seen before. He was clutching the arms of the scion, trying to wrestle it and gain some leverage, but it was attacking him again and again with biotic blasts. Grunt's roars of pain were getting louder.
I tried shooting, but my gun refused to comply. It had heated up to a massive degree, and wasn't going to be functional for a while. In desperation I launched myself at the scion, attacking it with my bare hands.
The thing barely noticed me, but the impact of my body weight was apparently all the edge that Grunt needed. With a tremendous effort he shoved the scion out of the way.
"Get back, Shepard!" commanded Samara, and I did so. Then the three biotics unleashed a massive burst of energy at the scion. The force of their attack tore it apart.
I staggered over to Grunt's side. "How are you holding up?"
"I'll live."
I broke out the medi-gel and started slathering it over Grunt's wounds. "Here, this should do the trick. Your regenerative abilities will take care of the rest."
"That was...a hell of a fight, Shepard," growled Grunt. "Don't do it again."
"For the quint who took out a thresher maw?" I said jovially. "This is nothing. I'm proud of you, Grunt."
Grunt's huge mouth formed its toothy smile again, and he got to his feet.
"Bring on our next victim," he said, slamming a fist into a palm.
I replaced the overheated thermal clip with a fresh one and we moved on into the heart of the facility. The Reaper IFF was waiting for us in another corridor, and I picked it up and tucked it away. A shimmering field barred our way into the next area, a raised platform facing the heart of the Reaper core.
Working at a console was the geth we had spotted earlier. It appeared to be hacking...something, although we couldn't be sure what. A bunch of husks sneaked up behind it, but it gunned them down and continued working on the console.
The shield separating us from the core dropped, and we rushed inside. But more husks had swarmed the geth, and it was currently out of commission.
We immediately formed a ring over the fallen geth, blasting away all the husks that were threatening to overrun our position. Meanwhile Thane sighted his rifle on the Reaper core and waited for the perfect shot. The moment it opened up, he fired away, not missing a single shot.
The Reaper core sparked and died. The entire facility was rocked to its foundations. Clearly taking out the core had inflicted colossal damage to the whole area.
"We should recover the geth. It may be useful," remarked Thane calmly, as he always did.
"It may be dangerous," cautioned Samara. "I suggest we evacuate this area immediately, now that we have obtained the Reaper IFF."
"Tali said no one's ever captured an intact geth before. Let's take it back to the Normandy. If it causes trouble, Grunt can use it for a toothpick."
The big krogan slung one arm over his shoulders, while I supported the other. We raced to the extraction point, with the facility falling down around our ears.
With a mighty shove I sent the geth flying off the platform and allowed it to drift directly into the open airlock of the Normandy. Samara, Grunt, Jack and Thane did the same, with me covering them. I shot down the last of the husks, and took a flying leap myself.
I just about made it, and Thane pulled me in. I tapped the communicator to speak to Joker.
"We're clear. Go now!"
The Normandy zoomed away from the ruined facility, with everyone none the worse for wear. I had a full crew, and the Reaper IFF. Nothing was going to stand in my way between myself and the Collectors.