Tyler Greenfield's first thought upon waking up was:
Why does the air smell like incense and lightning?
His second thought was:
Where the hell am I?
The last thing he remembered was lighting a joint in his trailer up in Humboldt, feet kicked up on a wobbly IKEA coffee table, reruns of Ancient Aliens playing in the background while his cat, Cheddar, pawed lazily at an empty bag of chips. It was just another Tuesday—or maybe Thursday. Time was a blur when you lived the stoner life.
Then everything had gone white—no tunnel of light, no stoner angels with cloud bongs. Just a blinding flash, a disorienting swirl of pressure, and a voice that echoed inside his skull like it was bouncing around a cosmic bong chamber.
[Initiating Ganja Cultivation System... Binding Host Soul... Complete. Welcome, Tyler Greenfield. You are the new Sect Master of Verdant Leaf.]
He blinked.
Tyler found himself standing in a pristine valley that looked like a Bob Ross painting set in feudal China. Towering jade-green mountains stretched in every direction, mist curling like incense smoke along their bases. The air smelled like fresh rain and sandalwood. Bamboo rustled gently nearby, and a faint melody of wind chimes whispered through the trees.
He looked down. Robes. Sandals. A weird ring on his finger that pulsed like it had a heartbeat.
"Okay," he said slowly, spinning in a circle, "either this is the most vivid hallucination I've ever had, or I just got isekai'd into a fantasy weed-farming sim."
Ahead of him sat a hut that looked like it had lost an argument with time. Cracked wooden beams, a sagging roof, and a crooked sign half-eaten by moss that read:
Verdant Leaf Sect.
[Tutorial Quest: Plant your first crop. Reward: Starter Pack.]
He muttered, "Of course there's a tutorial quest. What am I, in a gacha game?"
He squinted at the sky, as if expecting a dev console to pop up. Nothing happened.
"Guess we're doing this."
He raised his hand and, instinctively, a semi-transparent screen shimmered into existence in front of him. Like a stoner version of a sci-fi HUD.
Ganja Cultivation System Activated
Current Realm: Qi-Seedling
Farm Plot: Level 0 (Untilled)
Inventory:
3x Mysterious Seeds (Unknown Spiritual Herb)
1x Beginner's Hoe
1x Spiritual Watering Can
Passive Skill: Green Thumb (Increases plant growth rate by 500%)
Main Quest: Become the Ganja God
He stared at the list, then gave a low whistle. "Okay, System. You got my attention."
He shouldered the hoe. It was lighter than expected, the handle etched with faint vine patterns. A pulse of warmth ran through his hands as he touched it.
He turned toward a patch of overgrown grass near the hut, cracked his neck, and muttered, "Let's see what this passive does."
Tilling the land wasn't easy. Not at first. His back ached, and his arms felt like noodles. Sweat poured down his face. But the soil gave way quickly under the hoe, almost like it wanted to be cultivated. Each strike loosened the earth faster than it should. The Green Thumb passive kicked in like some sort of divine fertilizer hack.
Within minutes, the patch had turned into rich, fluffy soil—dark, moist, and strangely fragrant. He stared at the freshly tilled plot and caught himself smiling.
"This… is kind of relaxing."
He pulled out the seeds. They sparkled faintly in his palm, thrumming with potential. Like tiny nuggets of cosmic potential wrapped in resin.
He planted them carefully, one by one. Then he uncapped the watering can. A faint blue glow shimmered from inside. The water felt charged, almost alive, as it splashed onto the soil.
The ground shook.
The seeds sprouted instantly—twisting and unfurling into waist-high stalks within seconds. Their leaves shimmered in gradients of green and purple, edges serrated like dragon fangs.
A pungent aroma filled the air. Sweet, earthy, with an undertone of ozone. It hit his senses like a freight train of calm.
[Congratulations! You've grown Spirit Kush, a legendary spiritual herb. +1000 EXP.]
[You have unlocked: Cultivation Circle (Basic)]
[You have earned the title: Accidental Grower.]
[Reward: 1x Joint of Enlightenment]
In a flash of green light, a perfectly rolled joint appeared in his hand. It was still warm, and the tip glowed faintly as if daring him to light it.
He held it up to the sun, inspected the craftsmanship, and whispered, "Whoever programmed this system... you're a genius."
He sparked it.
The moment smoke touched his lungs, everything changed.
The world slowed. He could see the flow of Qi in the air—ribbons of light dancing between the mountains and trees. The plants around him pulsed in rhythm with his breath. He closed his eyes and drifted into the cosmos. Stars swirled behind his eyelids. Time melted.
He exhaled.
"Yo," he murmured, "this weed is... sentient."
The next few hours were a blur of euphoria and curiosity. He experimented like a high alchemist. Infused the Spirit Kush into tea. Smoked it in a carved bamboo pipe. Made a crude edible with some berries he found nearby. Every method unlocked new sensations, new insights.
The weed didn't just boost his spiritual sensitivity—it harmonized with the land. Birds nested nearby. Squirrels sunbathed in the open. Even the bamboo groves swayed in time with his breath.
The system dinged again.
[New Feature Unlocked: Discipleship Module]
[You may now recruit disciples to your sect. Limit: 3 (Tier 0 Sect)]
He was about to laugh when he heard rustling from the bamboo.
Three figures emerged, silhouetted against the fading sunlight. All three radiated danger. Power. Their steps cracked stone. Their presence warped the air.
These were not lost souls or wandering monks. These were killers—experts steeped in violence, their pasts soaked in blood.
But the moment they stepped into the field, they froze.
The energy in the air changed. Their auras dimmed. The fury in their eyes softened. The Spirit Kush reached into them, soothed something primal.
"What… what is this place?" one growled, voice rough like gravel.
Another flexed clawed fingers and whispered, "My rage... it's gone."
Tyler raised a hand in greeting. "Welcome to the Verdant Leaf Sect," he said, trying not to sound like he just made it up five minutes ago. "You guys look like you could use a chill spot."
The three looked at one another. The tallest grunted.
"We stay. You lead. We guard the green."
[Discipleship Offer Detected. Accept? Y/N]
Tyler grinned. "Y."
Three beams of green light shot from the Spirit Kush and struck them. The change was immediate. Their bodies healed. Their expressions calmed. The violent intent that clung to them like shadows... dissipated.
[Disciples Accepted.]
[Assign Roles and Names?]
He sized them up.
"You—quiet but deadly? You're Calmleaf."
Calmleaf nodded.
"You with the twitchy fingers? You're Sparkwind."
Sparkwind cracked a wicked grin.
"And you—the big guy with the shovel fists? Grubroot."
Grubroot just nodded, a rumble like distant thunder.
[Roles Assigned. Titles Accepted. Disciples Bound by Sect Contract.]
The tattered Sect Flag ignited in green fire. It straightened. Leaves bloomed around it. The Verdant Leaf sigil glowed like it had just been carved.
Tyler sat back down beside his glowing crop, watching the moon rise.
Three former monsters. A miracle herb. A crumbling sect brought back to life.
Not bad for day one.
He lifted the Joint of Enlightenment again, took a long hit, and looked to the heavens.
"Alright, Ganja System," he murmured, "let's get real high."