***
I lost my wallet yesterday and didn't even realize it until I was set to return home from work.
I was at the bus station at the time so I had to put a call across to my colleague if I had left it in the office, but he confirmed it wasn't there. The time was 9PM on the clock and I was so devastated.
I decided to plead with motorists to spare me a free ride after I flagged them down but they wouldn't oblige. I couldn't trek home either. It was too far to attempt.
Fortunately for me, a taxi I flagged down had a kind-hearted lady who was willing to lap me all the way after the driver rudely turned down my request.
I was elated and thanked her profusely. The lady in question was fat, so sitting on her lap made me feel like a child. I didn't care.
I felt so comfortable on this lady that there was no cause for regret. She had flesh everywhere so it was easy to balance myself.
"Brother, are you comfortable?" She asked me after a while
I shook my head.
"Then relax now" She said
It was when I relaxed that I knew there was more to life than iron beans. This lady was 'mouka foam' in human form. Nothing anybody wan tell me. See softness.
Fat ladies are criminally underrated. Dem no know wetin God do for them.
It was at that relaxed point that I eventually slept off. I woke up twenty five minutes later when the lady tapped me.
"Bros, come down o we don reach" She said
When I stepped down, I couldn't recognize where I was. Bush bush everywhere
"Bros, where wey dey so?" I asked the driver as he was about leaving
"Okigwe junction" The driver answered
"How?" I voiced in disbelief "So na border i dey like dis?"
"Before nko?" He said "Any problem?"
"But na Tonimas I tell you naw. Why you no stop me there?"
"How many times I shout Tonimas for this motor? Where you been dey? You dey sleep dey snore"
I was trying to negotiate with him when he angrily sped off.
I had to sleep in an uncompleted building inside bush. Mosquitoes finish work for my body.