I start my journey greeting all of my neighbours! oh yeah let me tell about them!
My neighbour on the left is subaru and My neighbour on the right is Kevin (eugh) he's kinda weird. so i greeted all of them and i started my journey. 1 km in and already am strugguling, i need to splatter some more.
10 minute gooning sesh done and i go more. i walk another kilometer and find myself at the edge of gooningville (the city that we live in) And then i see.
Gurt: A guard!!!???
Gurt: Ok... act naturally, please.
after a few seconds i hear a deep voice.
???: what are you doing here, Gooning Noob #03879
Gurt: ok my name is gurt not gooning noob #03879, dont dehumanize me, on the topic of names, whats your name?
???: well im. Cattle #05..
Gurt: I havent heard that in a long time.. look im sorry for eliminating you.
Cattle #05: dude i dont give a single solitary fuck about cc3d.
Gurt: damn.
Cattle #05: what are you trying to do
Gurt: get outta gooning ville.
Cattle #05: you cant get out bro.
Gurt: if i do a cool trick with my semen will you let me (please plot armor save me)
Cattle #05: it gotta make my jaw drop man
Gurt: Imma do it mongolian style.
I firstly start to jump about 6 feet and 7 inches high, and start to goon and fly like a helicopter wing, i start to go about 1500 rpm. i do this performance for about 30 seconds, at this point Cattle #05's jaw was dropped, i did my job YAY but i had to finish it with the best thing ever.
I fly down to Cattle #05's mouth and put my jizz in his mouth
Cattle #05: S-S-S-so tasty!! mmm oughhh ahhh dammn mmm uhh ahhh eehhh, you can go
Gurt: ok
so i walk out the gate and i wait about 30 seconds, he still hasnt stopped.
Cattle #05: nyah ough lahhh
guess that was a cool trick i dont know
i continue my journey 5 kilometers in i start to come by another city
Gurt: welcome to... Sybautown, damn that city must suck
so i did need to make my journey longer, now at a staggering 14 kilometers, it was already gettting dark outside so i set out my tent and went to sleep, but what i did was very smart but also dangerous, you see there are monsters that can jizz at you at night, luckily i didnt came by any so i continued my journey, im 10 kilometers into the journey, 4 more to go. i smashed those four kilometers in like 3 hours. i was so close to hawkeytuahville. but there started to be more semen everywere, it wasnt sticky. but rather slippery
i was really close when suddenly..
Gurt: ok woah woah WOAH WOAHH... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Gurt: fuckkkkk.
Yeah, i dropped 34 of my tickets, i only had one left. FUCK but i still could go to the tower.
so i was in the tower and i dropped my ticket, i took a deep breath and started the tower.
you see it works like this, you have 10 opponents to beat in jerkmate ranked. each one getting harder, if you can beat all of them. you can become a pro, if you dont, you go to gooning hell. no gooning allowed, only torture allowed. i was really scared..
Opponent 1: some random guy from the real word
The Random guy: hello where the fuck am i
Gurt: oh youre i- no hahaha...
And i immediatly jizzed on his face.
*YOU WIN ROUND 1*
Opponent 2: gooning hell guy that has been stuck there for 20 years
Gooning hell guy: Yo ive been sent here to goon on you
Gurt: yeah whats your name btw?
Gooning hell guy: Bartholemew
Gurt: alright you deserve a jizz splatter on your face *squirt*
*YOU WIN ROUND 2*
Gurt: damn this shit eazy
Opponent 3: Gooning hell guy, that was previously a pro
Gurt: Right as i said that
Gooning hell pro: ok lets do this. *splurt*
*QUICK TIME EVENT*
fuck that particle is too big, eugh AAHHH *BIG SPLURT*
gurt: BOOM ough i got some on my face, imma lick that
*YOU WIN ROUND 3*
Opponent 4: old ass gooning noob
Gurt: should be easy.
Old ass: *splat*
Gurt: are you serious *SPLURTTT*
*YOU WIN ROUND 4*
Opponent 5: Normal Gooning noob
Gurt: Hi
Gooning Noob: *SPLURT*
Gurt: *splurttt*
*YOU barely WIN ROUND 5*
Gurt: Oh no if i barely won this round, shit shit fuckkKKKK
Opponent 6: Daquavius Vincent The Third
Gurt: Yo Daquavius!
Daquavius Vincent The Third: yeah hi ma- *SPLURTTT-*
Gurt: *MASSIVE SPLURT* i knew you were gonna do that you fuck..
*YOU WIN ROUND 6*
Gurt: Haha!!
Opponent 7: Hawkeytuahville Resident
Gurt: this might be bad
Resident: ok im sorry i have to do this..
Gurt: *Splur-*
Resident: *Airbends my semen and throws it on gurts face*
Gurt: NOOO! NO NO!!!
*YOU LOST ROUND 7*
i fall into a deep hole, the Gooning hell
Gurt: nooooo noo no no FUCK. SEVENTH ROUND!!
???: i lost at the ninth one
Gurt: damn..
i had to wait for only 20 minutes.
*WE HAVE CALCULATED THE RESULTS AGAIN, TURNS OUT MORE SEMEN GOT ON HIS FACE THEN YOURS*
???: holy plot armor man
Gurt: shut the fuck up.... whoever you are
???: my name is sleep phonk.
I get pulled up into the jerkmate ranked again.
Opponent 8: Owen
Gurt: ok owen, can you sacrifice yourself, i just wanna become a gooning pro.
Owen: man of course + its not sacrificing cause the gooning hell rule doesnt add to the gooning pros.
Gurt: ok *SPLURT*
Owen: mmm so good.
*YOU WIN ROUND 8*
Opponent 9: Samuel
Samuel: imma be real *SPLURT*
*QUICK TIME EVENT, again*
Gurt: ok... pull the hardest splurt ever, his splurt is around 30 cm, i gotta make something bigger than that..
*HEAVY BREATHING*
Gurt: *SSSSPPPPLLLLUUUURRRRTTTT*
Samuel: WOAH
Gurt: YEAHHH
Samuel: Good game man. good game.
*YOU WIN ROUND 9*
Opponent 10: Everyone Combined
Gurt: Gauntlet i see.
random guy: h
Gurt: Splurt
Hell guy: PLEASE HAVE
gurt: splurt
hell guy pro version: im fucking killing you
gurt: nuh uh *SPLURT*
ok anyways i smashed them all until the hawkeytuahville resident
Gurt: you may have made me lose that one time...
BUT NOW. YOU WILL SEE.. MY POWERRRR
*SPLURTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTtTTTTTTT*
Gurt: YESSSSSSSSSS
i smashed owen and samuel
Gurt: so thats it.
*GURT WON THE JERKMATE RANKED*
Gurt: YESSSSSS *starts crying* i want to thank owen..
Gurt: anyways who are you?
the narrator shows himself.
Subaru???
Subaru: yeah, subaru. congrats man!!
Gurt: thanks man
Subaru: You just need to walk to that door.
I walk to the door, the door opens and i officially become A GOONING PRO...
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!