"F**k!"
Wade's shout echoed through the smoky battlefield as he watched Robert's body slam into the wall like a ragdoll. Bones crunched, blood splattered. Robert dropped, unmoving.
Wade winced. "That's gotta hurt…"
But before he could check on his friend, the towering muscular woman turned her attention to him.
No time to play hero now.
Wade sprang into the air with surprising agility, flipping over the debris and landing squarely on the woman's back. His arms locked tightly around her thick neck, attempting a textbook rear naked choke.
"Shhh... go to sleep, She-Hulk's cousin. Let's make this quick, I've got a thing at eight."
She didn't flinch.
Instead, she scowled in irritation, as though Wade's wriggling was more of a mild back itch than a life-threatening attack. Her muscles tensed—and then she grabbed his arm.
"Wait—whoa, hold on—let's talk about this—!"
With a sickening crack, she snapped his arm like a twig.
"YEP, there goes my weekend plans!"
She flipped him over with one arm and drove her knee into his spine with enough force to dent a car.
Wade let out a strangled wheeze as he hit the ground, limbs sprawled like a broken action figure. "Ma'am, I respectfully request a timeout. Also, therapy. Lots of therapy."
She wasn't done.
She grabbed a thick steel rod from the rubble and—without hesitation—impaled it through his back, pinning him to the floor like a squirming specimen.
Squelch.
Wade gasped as the rod sank into the ground beneath him, locking him in place. "Okay... okay... that's excessive. You win, Hulkette."
"Gina, that's enough," Francis said calmly, stepping forward with a slight smirk. "No need to get worked up over a Deadman."
He patted her shoulder like a boss complimenting his guard dog.
"How's cleanup?"
Gina, barely even winded, responded coolly, "All the data's wiped. Survivors were transferred to other branches. The rest? Gone."
Francis nodded. "Perfect. Let's get out of here."
He didn't spare Robert or Wade a second glance as he turned and walked away with Gina, the flames flickering behind them.
The room was silent, save for the crackling fire and the occasional creak of collapsing steel.
…
Minutes passed.
Then—
Clink.
The steel rod trembled.
Wade groaned, his half-crushed body twitching as he raised his head.
"Ugh... if anyone's still alive... blink twice..."
He turned toward Robert's crumpled form across the room. Smoke and shadows obscured it—until it started to move.
Wade blinked.
Robert's head lifted, slowly, mechanically. His arms cracked back into place. Torn flesh resealed. Broken ribs inflated with breath.
He stood.
Wade's jaw dropped.
"Wh... what the hell—?! Did I stumble into Resident Evil?!"
Robert winced as his body stitched itself together. He dragged himself over to Wade, grabbed the impaled steel rod, and yanked it out in one brutal motion.
Wade shrieked. "Sweet baby Jesus! Are you trying to kill me again?!"
He looked down, watching the gaping wound in his torso rapidly close. "I'm infected! I'm becoming one of them! Wait—will I have to eat people now? What about tacos? Do zombies eat tacos?!"
Robert wiped ash from his face and muttered, "Calm down. You can't die anymore. And neither can I."
Wade stared at him for a moment. "Wait... like, ever? No death? No rest? No spa days?"
"Nope. Just a lot of running. And right now, we need to go! This place is about to fall apart!"
Robert grabbed Wade by the arm and pulled him upright.
…
The inferno was in full bloom now.
Smoke choked every hallway. Entire ceilings collapsed behind them as they ran, and the walls glowed with the heat of molten metal.
"There's gotta be a way out!" Robert shouted, coughing into his sleeve.
"You got us into this mess, Taco Boy—find a way out!"
Wade squinted, eyes darting in all directions. "Okay, okay! When I came in, I think the back hallway had a vent system. Pretty sure I passed out there. Might still be open!"
Robert glanced through the haze. "Which way?!"
Wade pointed vaguely through a curtain of fire. "That way! I think…"
"…You think?!"
"No time to doubt me, Discount Iron Man! Just run!"
Without further debate, the two sprinted headlong into the flames.
…
A few minutes later—
Two blackened silhouettes stumbled out of the burning wreckage of a crumbling factory deep in the outskirts of the city. Covered in soot, ash, and blood, they collapsed just outside the perimeter as the building behind them roared into the night sky.
BOOM.
A final explosion rocked the area.
The facility was no more.
Robert lay on his back, breathing heavily, staring at the sky for the first time in what felt like an eternity.
"Freedom…"
Two months of pain, blood, and terror. Two months locked inside a nightmare. And now, he was finally out.
Alive.
Barely.
But alive.
Still, his relief was short-lived. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, a creeping realization settled in.
He had no idea what to do next.
This world… it wasn't his.
He didn't exist here. No identity. No records. No history. He was just a ghost from another universe.
Robert stared blankly into the stars, uncertain for the first time in weeks.
"…So what now?" he muttered aloud.
Wade, sitting beside him with a wild expression and charred skin, didn't hesitate.
"I'm getting my girl back."
Robert turned his head. "Vanessa?"
Wade nodded proudly. "She's everything to me. And she probably thinks I'm dead. Gotta go find her. Woo her back. Maybe throw in some fireworks."
Robert raised an eyebrow. "You're going to find her like that?"
Wade looked down.
He was, indeed, very naked.
Charred skin, soot stains, zero clothing.
Robert coughed. "Dude. You're literally the definition of 'roast chicken.'"
Wade groaned and tried to cover himself with both hands. "Nooo! I'm too crispy for love!"
Robert just sighed and looked away.
"I need pants," Wade muttered.
"Yeah, and I need a plan," Robert said softly. "But I guess we both need something."
They sat in silence, the glow of the flames behind them casting long shadows across the dirt road.
Whatever came next, they'd face it together—one burned merc, and one time-lost immortal with a talent menu in his head.
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