Chapter 1: I Fall Down the Stairs and Wake Up in a Pirate World
Let me be clear about one thing.
Falling down the stairs is not supposed to be a magical experience. Unless you're me—Natsuki Subaru, professional death sponge, champion of poor life decisions, and, apparently, the universe's favorite chew toy.
I'd like to say I fell gracefully. Like a hero. Maybe even like a tragic anime protagonist, clutching his chest, whispering something profound. Nope. I tripped on my own exhaustion, slipped on an ancient library scroll, flailed like a wet noodle, and somersaulted face-first into oblivion.
Then came the black.
Not the regular kind of darkness, but her kind. The one that comes with shadowy hands, distant whispers, and the scent of regret.
The Witch of Envy—Satella. My personal stalker deity.
"You're dying," her voice whispered in my ears. "Again and again. This world will break you. I won't let that happen."
Next thing I knew, her hands pulled me—and my unsuspecting entourage—straight through the void. Yes, the entire chaotic, dysfunctional, emotionally unstable group of us.
Rem, who had just woken up with no idea who I was—ouch.
Beatrice, who would absolutely not shut up about "this is most inappropriate, I suppose!"
Garfiel, who tried to punch the void. It went as well as you'd expect.
Meili, who was cuddling a scorpion named Shaula like it was a pet hamster.
And Emilia—who was looking at me with this concerned look that made my soul want to curl into a sad little potato.
Oh, and Luis Arneb. For some reason.
We all tumbled out together—bam!—face-first into a beach.
Yes, a beach.
Salt in my mouth. Sand in my ears. The sun burning my eyes like the universe was trying to tell me "you need sunscreen, idiot."
I opened my eyes and saw the jungle canopy, heard the parrots squawking like they were trying out for a punk rock band, and felt the sun practically melting my brain through my scalp, I knew we weren't in Lugunica anymore.
Rem groaned beside me, clutching her head like it was a hangover. "Where…?"
"I don't know," I said, squinting at the horizon. "But if I see a talking coconut, I'm out."
"Barusu," Beatrice whined, perched on my back because her tiny feet didn't do well on sand. "You fell down the stairs again, I suppose. That's how we got here, I suppose?"
"Technically, I fell down the stairs and then got isekai'd again," I said, "which might be a new world record."
Garfiel was already on his feet, sniffing the air like a jungle cat with ADHD. "Oi, captain, there's somethin' weird goin' on. Smells like… smoke and oil."
Luis Arneb, still wearing my face like he'd borrowed my soul for a cosplay convention, was sulking beside a palm tree. "You dragged me with you, idiot? I was finally free."
"Cry me a river," I muttered. "You stole my memories and almost got us all killed. You can enjoy the sand like the rest of us."
Meili, meanwhile, was giggling as Shaula, now the size of a kitten, skittered up her arm and perched on her shoulder. "Shaula-chan likes the heat! Maybe we'll find some snakes to eat~"
"Or we'll get eaten by snakes," Julius said grimly, brushing sand off his silver armor. "I vote we find civilization before that happens."
"Good idea," Emilia said brightly. "Let's explore! I like beaches."
I don't know how she stayed that cheerful after being dragged through cosmic horror space by black hands, but I guess being a half-elf ice princess has perks.
That's when Garfiel came jogging back from a nearby hill, practically vibrating with excitement. "Oi! There's a village up ahead! Real tiny, but I saw a guy with a long nose starin' out with a telescope! Thought it was a stick at first!"
Julius raised an eyebrow. "A… long nose?"
"Yeah," Garfiel said. "Real stretchy-lookin'! Might be a new species!"
Rem blinked at me, her big blue eyes blank. "Do you think he knows where we are?"
"If he does, I'm naming him MVP," I said. "Let's go say hi to Pinocchio."
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Different Style:
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The sea breeze was the first thing Subaru noticed—not the pain, not the familiar vertigo of having his insides twisted inside out by interdimensional travel, but the salty, sun-baked breath of the ocean, warm and foreign. He blinked. For a brief, blissful moment, he thought he might be dead again.
It wouldn't have been the worst way to go. In fact, if he were being honest—and lately, he'd grown quite skilled at that particular brand of cynical honesty—he rather preferred the idea of dying in his sleep or being crushed under the Watchtower's stone steps to fighting eldritch abominations in the dusty crevices of ancient libraries.
He stirred, his cheek still pressed into the warm sand, and groaned. "Why… is it always me?"
"Barusu," came the familiar, dry voice of Beatrice from somewhere above him, "your grace is as nonexistent as your self-preservation, I suppose."
He groaned again. "Not helping, Beako."
Around him, the others were also stirring. Garfiel, half-buried in sand, emerged with a wild growl, his golden hair tangled and spiked by sea salt. Emilia sat upright with a confused, dazed expression, her silver hair tangled with kelp. Rem—beautiful, blue-haired, and heartbreakingly blank—blinked at the world like it was a dream she had only just entered.
Subaru's chest ached at the sight of her.
Nearby, Meili was giggling to herself as a tiny, shimmering scorpion danced up her arm. Shaula, reduced now to a harmless-looking thing no larger than a teacup, clicked her pincers in what might have been affection.
"Oi, where the bloody hell are we?" Garfiel muttered, sniffing the air like a beast on the trail.
"I—I think this is an island," Emilia murmured, brushing sand from her lap. "But it's not any part of Lugunica I've ever seen."
"Congratulations," came Julius's voice, crisp and vaguely annoyed. "That narrows it down to literally everywhere else."
A pause.
Subaru sat up slowly, brushing sand off his face, his expression curiously unreadable. He didn't know what was worse—the bone-deep exhaustion that lingered after their final confrontation with Sin Archbishop of Gluttony… or the hollow feeling of being too empty to care.
He'd saved everyone. Sort of. Luis Arneb was here too, sulking at the base of a palm tree and looking entirely unrepentant, despite wearing Subaru's memories like an ill-fitting robe.
And yet, Rem—his Rem—was awake but didn't remember him.
It wasn't fair. It was never fair.
Perhaps the worst part of all was that Subaru no longer had the energy to rage against it.
The island was quiet, save for the distant cries of gulls and the whisper of the waves lapping at the shore. When Garfiel returned from his initial scouting, his face was lit with the kind of excitement that usually preceded something loud, dangerous, and most likely idiotic.
"There's a village up the hill," he said. "And I saw some fella with a nose longer than a swordfish."
Subaru raised an eyebrow. "A what now?"
"No kiddin'," Garfiel said with a grin. "Thought it was a tree branch till it moved."
The group climbed the worn jungle path toward the hilltop village, half-expecting to be ambushed by pirates or man-eating plants. Instead, they were greeted by an odd sight: a rickety watchtower perched at the village's edge, atop which stood a boy—perhaps fifteen, gangly, with wild curly hair and a nose so long it bent the sunlight.
He was shouting.
"I see you, evil sea demons! You won't catch Captain Usopp off guard! I've battled sea kings and sky dragons and twenty-foot giants from the North Blue!"
Beatrice leaned closer to Subaru. "Is he mad, I suppose?"
"Just enthusiastic," Subaru muttered.
The boy froze as he noticed them. "Halt! Who goes there? Speak, or feel the wrath of my legendary five-ton hammer!"
Subaru stepped forward, raising his hands in surrender. "Uh… hi. Definitely not sea demons. Just… sort of lost."
Usopp narrowed his eyes. "You don't look like pirates."
Garfiel bared his fangs. "Wanna bet?"
Beatrice rolled her eyes.
Emilia took a careful step forward. "We're not pirates. We're just… visitors. We don't mean you or your village any harm."
Usopp hesitated. There was a childlike earnestness to him, a quality Subaru recognized all too well—the desperate bluff of someone out of their depth.
"You lot aren't from around here, are you?"
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A.N. What do you think of this story idea? Which writing style do you guys prefer.