Chapter 27: My Acting Career That Died Before It Started
After the surprise party disaster, I told myself:
"Kelvin, you were born to be a star. Movies need you!"
Luckily, my friend Kwame was shooting a short film and needed extras.
I rushed to the auditions, chest out, dreams bigger than my wallet.
When it was my turn, Kwame said:
"We have a perfect role for you, Kelvin. Very important. You'll be... the dead body in Scene 5."
Not exactly Denzel Washington level, but a start is a start.
I agreed immediately.
After all, how hard can lying down be?
Simple!
On the filming day, I wore old, tattered clothes and lay on the cold ground, ready for my Oscar-worthy moment.
Cameras rolled.
The main actors approached my "dead" body, crying and shouting.
But here's the problem:
I forgot to stop breathing.
Instead of lying still, my chest was rising and falling like I was in a heavy gym session.
The director screamed:
"CUT! CUT! Kelvin, dead bodies don't breathe like dragons!"
I apologized.
Tried again.
Take 2:
This time I held my breath... but my eyes kept blinking like Wi-Fi router lights.
"CUT! Dead bodies don't blink either, Kelvin!"
Third attempt:
I finally lay completely still.
Perfect.
Then a mosquito landed on my nose.
I fought it for 10 seconds... then sneezed so loudly the boom mic operator dropped his equipment.
Scene ruined.
In the end, Kwame edited me out completely and used a sack of rice as the "dead body."
Imagine being replaced by basmati rice,
Imagine.