Adaptability is a scary ability, how one can see their own weakness and hide it. Changing oneself to be like another. To become a chameleon, a skin so thick you'd never see it's real colours. Sometimes though, even a chameleon needs to show itself.
However I want to know. Why'd it have to be you?
Your a token of my downfall but still I stumble towards you. A token of my downfall but also a symbol of my past. I've seen it all before and I know where it ends. Every novel or play every movie or diary.
Emotions are the one singular fault people have. The only restraint which is the keeping chains that hold our kind from evolving into glorious species. I wish I wasn't a victim of human emotions too.
***
'' Mesai,''
I can already tell the sound in her voice, it's tired and helpless. Who would willingly put themselves through the struggle of teaching 30 over emotional teenagers that are going through a horrible late puberty phase. Although their may be the exception of the 5 minority people who still hold their patience and sanity, the 25 majority is still a large number. Stress wouldn't and doesn't bat an eye before coming to knock on her door. She doesn't need to say it but in this early morning registration I can hear it. So clearly. Her tired filled voice spoke until eventually the register was done. It was mid September, a new school year just begining and hell had already rained on this new female teacher.
A small sigh escapes her lips. Shaking her head slowly, the teacher walks to me, I know what shes about to say, or more like I know what she wants. Help.
"Mesai, I am so sorry to ask but can you please take Asher to the school nurse, he claims he sick and well. . .'' I watch as the short teacher turns back to the group of boys throwing about pens, books, paper airplanes and sometimes the occasional piece of a breakfast bar. I know what she intends. I slightly raise my head.
" Okay Miss." My tone was dead and emotionless, I take a quick mental note to be more enthusiastic. After all being in a teacher's good graces isn't going to do no harm.
Asher. He's a new kid and joined a week ago. Somehow hes already managed to take 2 days off and get 2 detentions for sleeping in class hours. Like his name suggests, he has ash coloured hair, it's clearly self done because little strands of black are seeping through unevenly in his hair. Despite this, he's probably the most attractive man in the room even ,I ,a person with little romantic feelings can tell this fact. He probably about 5,11 possibly taller with scruffy clothes.
Apparently in his last school he was off over half the year, his attendance hit rock bottom and it only looked like it'd be worse here. He joined at an awkward time, year 11 gsce years. Fortunately the subjects he took in his old school had enough room for him to join the classes at this school. I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for the fact that he is in majority of my classes.
I walk over to his table, he took the only free space which was in the middle of a 4 seat table that is on the third row. He sits next to one of my friend's. She's extremely chatty and has long blond hair. She's constantly on about how the dude next to her is closed off. I would consider myself a closed of person too but to make my school life easier I talk just enough to keep me out of gossip and away from school perverts. All I know is that mirroring other people's personalities has helped me alot throughout the secondary years.
"Asher. Miss has told me to take you to the infirmary." My face is cold and uninviting, I wouldn't of blamed anybody if they wanted to pretend I didn't exist, If it would work like that I'd be happy. Ultimately I just want to be left alone.
A pair of dark eyes glance up and his face, like mine, was unexcited although for a split second I could see the light reflect in his eyes and for a moment I couldn't help but just stare.
The chair rattled as he quickly got up and followed me out of the classroom silently. Eventually the loud ruckess of the classroom died down and a strong female voice descended the room causing everybody to shiver. Even I turned back in surprise. Who knew such a scranny looking teacher could sound so loud and powerful. In that moment I was secretly greatful that I had listened to her.
The awkwardness in the air was loud enough to shatter the silence, all we could do was listen to the squeaky noise our shoes make against the shiny tiles. Asher followed as I took a few turnings in the long hallway. We passed other loud classroom before finally reaching a staircase. The railings were poorly made and the wooden banister would 100% give you splinter's.
Fortunately the school was more rectangular with the length being longer the the height. Their were just 2 floor to this school, infact it was a fairly small highschool with about 1000 students which looked like a big number until compared to other secondary schools.
A dull voice rang into my ears as I started to walk down the stairs. I didn't dare look back, I had one goal and it was to take this guy to the nurse then make my way back. I could answer his question but I wasn't going to be here longer then I needed to be.
"Whats your name"
"Mesai."
He made a small 'ah' noise before nodding his head and following my lead. To be truthful, I was a little off guard when he asked. Claira, my friend who sits next to Asher, had clearly stated he didn't ask anything and didn't answer the questions she asked. It seemed like he was on a different planet. He would probably become friend's with the idiots at the back of the class within the next few weeks and all the girls will be over him. I wanted no part in it.
After a few minutes of walking, we finally reached a room with a piece of paper attached to the door reading ' medical' the writing was scruffy and it was poorly put up with blue tact. Not that it mattered, if it works then it works theirs no need to put more effort in then due. It would look nicer if they did though.
I opened the door before pointing the boy towards to nurse she looked at me then round the door. Realisation dawned on her like a lightbulb went off in her head, before a soft smile appeared on her face.
"A-hah, Asher your old nurse told me about you, come on in. I hope this new school's been well for you." The womens tone was warm like a mother hen, If hen's could speak I'm sure this is what they would sound like.
I didn't want to stay any longer and it seemed as though the two already had a mutual understanding of why he was here I most certainly didn't need to know so taking my leave was for the best. Today I would be getting mock exams back from the end of year 10 and it would be nice to be back on time for the results.
***
The bell rang loud and clear for the whole school to hear on repeat from 3:55 till 4:00 notifying people that the hell of school had official eneded. The bell felt louder and louder each day, a constant remainder that the school year had only just begun and 6 weeks remained till the first holiday. I was already counting down the days.
After returning, grades were given back. I was proud to say I scored straight A's all round, not that I particularly had anybody to tell but the good scores made myself feel good. Which was all that mattered. If wanted to go anywhere in life I'd have to work for myself.
Unfortunately I had to miss out on my precious reading time to squeeze in extra revision, I didn't mind it then because I had the whole holidays to catch up and read but now I was behind. I as a person lack hobbies and find very few things entertaining. Reading is one of these few things along with sleep and writing my own form of expression.
Once the bell finally rang I made my way to the public bus. It is far to loud and even headphones can't keep out the loud chatter of gossiping girls. Along with Asher there were 2 other new students last week. Apparently there was another expectionally nice looking person which I am yet to see, quite frankly I don't want to either. Most of the time people exaggerate because people in this area don't tend to look nice like other area's. The other new person is said go be a quiet girl who likes to keep out the way, like myself.
It's quite rare for students to join in such late school years so the three new students have caused a large spread surprise in this new school year. They are the center of gossip.
Claira is usually the first one on the bus and saves seats for me and two other girls. Claira could be extremely popular, however the idea of shit talking and rumour spreading is repulsive to her so popular tend to get bored witn her, it's the main reason I'm willing to talk to her. She's direct and straight up and doesn't cause unnecessary drama. She's very nice and if more people were like her the world would be a better place.
I'm nothing like Claira, I may not shit talk but I'm not a nice person. I manipulate and lie my way through everything and anything. I manipulate her into thinking I'm a nice person who can't comprehend anything bad. I manipulate people around me to turn things in my favour. Fortunately, I only manipulate to be left alone not to harm others.
Claira greats me with hello, asks about my day. The normal stuff. We go back and forth exchanging a few words before I stop speaking to finish turning my music on.
After about 5 minutes the bus takes off and I prepare for the 45 journey which I wish could last for an eternity.
The idea of going home to my Uncle's loud voice screaching about something petty while guzzling down any high units alcoholic drink he can find. The idea of my aunty snoring loudly and my brother crying even louder waiting for some food yet 2 un-reliable baby like adults shout "Get your sister to do it.'' The idea of returning home is horrible, making even a noisy journey on an uncomfortable bus seat sound pleasent.
How incredible.
God knows I can't wait 2 and half years to turn 18 and be freed from the 'parentel figures' which do nothing but burden my shoulders. To be freed to from hypocrites who claim to be ' saints'. To be freed from people who act like they are doing me good.
Their is nothing I could hate more then hypocrites who can't even acknowledge their wrong doings. My aunty and uncle are the prodigy of everything I could ever hate in this life time.
After what feels like a fleeting moment, the bus has stopped and I force my self to walk away. The door to my house is tall, the curtains are shut and the bricks along the house a chipped giving it an older vibe. The floor is covered in a carpet of crunchy leaves which has a few spots were yellow grass seeps through.
I open the door and the once faint sound of shouting hits my ears loud an clear. An aged man accompanied with a male voice appears he is a steryotypical alcoholic in his mid 40's, with a big shiny bold spot on the top of his head. His breath stinks of a blend between vodka and cigarettes. Its disgusting, repulsive.
" YOU BRAT, YOUR FUCKING LATE." my mind wonders to words I wish I could say, how am I late I took the first bus I could. Theres no point in saying it so i don't. A pathetic excuse is all I could say. Appeasing them, letting them have what they want is the best way solve situations like these.
To my left I see a small figure of a lady who has clearly done drugs. She's muttering to herself as she sleeps so peacefully on the sofa. She doesn't deserve the sleep but theres nothing I can do. My emotions don't need attending to my. Instead I put my bag away before quickly heating some noodles in a bowl and splitting them between me and my brother.
He's just turned 6 and doesn't understand why his uncle shouts of why he rarely gets picked up on time. Fortunately his uncle remembered today and picked him up. If he didn't, I would have to go pick him up from an after school club. Currently my 'family' are living off inheritance. Lucky bastard's I say. They don't deserve the money. They did nothing to deserve it. They spend all day at home doing nothing but worsen their health which will probably land them in hospital one day.
Maybe I'm the hypocrite too because I'm not even trying to do anything about it. Im passive to wrong doings. I'm ignorant. I just want peace. That's all I have ever wanted. Peace.
However watching my horrible family doom themself's drags some unknown delightful feeling.