Chapter Eighteen: Realmwalker Status
Light enveloped Daric, Kaelen, and the buff goat as they hurtled through the portal. Colors blurred, time wobbled, and Daric was pretty sure he briefly became a motivational poster.
When they finally crashed onto solid ground, Daric lay there a moment, contemplating whether adventuring was actually just a slow-motion form of self-inflicted brain damage.
A bright, cheery system notification blinked into existence:
[Congratulations! You have advanced to Realmwalker Rank!]
[New Status Update:]
Name: Daric
Class: Primal Hunter (Legendary)
Title(s): Chickenbane, The Great Clucker, Monarch Slayer, Brunchbreaker, Stuffing Slayer, Duckslayer Supreme, Lord of Meowtroplis (honorary), Realmwalker
Essence Total: 350,000
Primary Weapon: Shovel of Destiny (Enhanced)
Secondary Weapon: Frying Pan of Chaos (Kaelen's)
Pet: Buff Goat (King of Meowtroplis)
Current Level: 45
Ascended Realms Visited: 4
Current Objective: Find the Realm Core and claim full Realmwalker Authority.
Daric blinked.
"Huh," he said. "I'm important now."
Kaelen, brushing dust off his battered cloak, snorted. "You were always important. Now you're just officially a disaster."
The buff goat flexed approvingly.
—
They had landed in a vibrant meadow under a sky filled with drifting, multicolored islands. Giant flowers swayed in the breeze, and curious floating jellyfish bobbed lazily through the air.
It would have been peaceful.
If not for the absolutely gigantic centipede wearing a top hat currently chasing three terrified goblins across the field.
Daric watched the scene for a beat.
"Nope," he said decisively, turning away.
System chimed again.
[New Quest: Defeat the Gentleman Centipede.]
[Reward: Fancy Cane of Diplomacy (+5 Charisma, +30% Chance to Start Fights Anyway)]
Kaelen grinned.
"You know you want the cane."
Daric sighed heavily.
"Of course I want the stupid cane."
—
The Gentleman Centipede was a surprisingly skilled fighter.
Daric and Kaelen spent a good ten minutes being politely but viciously slapped by its many gloved legs.
At one point, the centipede even offered Daric a spot of tea between strikes.
"Manners!" it chirped, headbutting him into a tulip.
"I'm going to snap that hat in half," Daric growled, staggering to his feet.
Finally, Kaelen distracted it by unleashing the buff goat, who performed an awe-inspiring series of backflips before dropkicking the centipede into submission.
System notification flashed:
[Mini-Boss Defeated: The Gentleman Centipede]
[Essence Gained: 15,000]
[Reward Claimed: Fancy Cane of Diplomacy]
Daric admired his new cane, which sparkled ominously.
"I feel dumber already," he said.
"You look dumber too," Kaelen agreed cheerfully.
—
Further exploration revealed this realm was called the Isles of Whimsy.
A land where everything was alive, enchanted, and usually slightly unhinged.
They encountered:
A river that flowed upward.
Trees that played jazz.
A particularly judgmental cloud that kept offering sarcastic commentary on Daric's fashion choices.
"IT'S CALLED A FUNCTIONAL CAPE," Daric yelled at the cloud.
[Status Update: Daric's Self-Esteem -5]
They pressed onward toward the center of the Isles, where the Realm Core awaited.
According to the quest data, the Core was guarded by "a being of unpredictable behavior."
Daric had fought demon chickens, dictator ducks, and royal cats.
How bad could it be?
—
Answer: Very Bad.
The guardian was a giant rubber duck wearing a wizard hat.
[World Guardian: Quackthulhu, The Mad Sorcerer Duck]
[Skills: Eldritch Splash, Honk of Madness, Featherstorm]
[Passive Aura: Everything Is 23% More Ridiculous Nearby]
Daric stood very still.
"I hate it," he said calmly.
Kaelen nodded gravely. "We all do."
—
The battle was pure, technicolor madness.
Quackthulhu fired beams of chaotic energy that turned nearby rocks into breakdancing raccoons.
Daric dodged, rolled, and counterattacked with the Shovel of Destiny, the Fancy Cane, and once, just pure screaming.
Kaelen discovered the frying pan absorbed eldritch magic surprisingly well, and proceeded to whack the duck senseless.
The buff goat, for its part, wore a pair of sunglasses and surfed on summoned waves of pure weirdness.
Finally, with a synchronized triple attack—shovel, frying pan, and goat—the duck exploded in a shower of glitter and spaghetti.
System screamed triumphantly:
[World Guardian Defeated: Quackthulhu]
[Realm Core Claimed!]
[New Title Unlocked: The Ridiculous One]
[Ascension Authority: 20%]
Daric fell onto his back, gasping for breath.
Above him, the floating islands slowly realigned into a massive portal.
The next step of his journey.
He raised the Fancy Cane like a sword.
"For glory," he wheezed.
Kaelen raised his frying pan.
The buff goat dabbed.
Together, they walked toward destiny.
(Or at least toward more screaming and existential crises.)