The Crew of the Ship of Stone
Tale from Northern Stoneland
Dated at likely year 3500
Manuscript was discovered in year 7822, however it should be noted that altered versions have been passed down through oral tradition
The brothers Argus and Vargus were fisherman on the island of Heron.
They were both twenty years old, twins.
Growing up as fisherman, they fished to feed their village.
They were strong boys, always working as hard as they could.
They were very smart and kind boys.
The residents on the island were mostly old, so they had to do more work because they were young.
But they persisted. Every day they went out and fished for hours and hours to bring fish to their family and friends.
But one day, the water turned black.
The usually pure blue water was now a dark black.
They went out to fish day after day, but they never fished up anything.
At this point, the elders in the village accused them of skipping out on their job of fishing.
But they were honest and explained how there were no fish in the water.
Still, the elders were impatient.
The people of the island were getting hungry, and along with that sick.
A plague was starting to spread and was killing many.
Every day, Argus and Vargus walked around the village and heard the moans of the starving old people, as well as the cries of pain from the sick.
They had already cut down on their portions of food, and they were feeling hungry as well.
Yet, they persisted, and one day they fished up a talking fish.
The fish looked like any other fish, but instead of normal eyes, it had large spheres of emerald.
"You boys have done well, looking out for your tribe."
The fish talked to the boys in a booming voice.
The two boys had never seen a talking fish before, so they immediately grabbed rocks behind them and tried to bash the fish's skull in.
"Foolish boys, you will not be able to harm me."
"Simply listen to my commands and your bellies will be full, your elderly cured of sickness, and your people happy."
The boys were hungry broke and lame, so they were now listening to the fish.
"You will make a ship out of stone."
The fish stated.
"Stone?"
Argus and Vargus questioned.
"Yes. With my powers I will be able to make it float faster than any ship you have ever seen."
The fish seemed confident.
"Alright"
The boys agreed.
"Anything else?"
The boys still wanted to know more.
"Bring your fishing rods, because on your journey you will need to fish to overcome challenges."
"You will bring your older brother, and you will each fish up two fish."
The fish stated the rules.
"However, you must only keep one of the fish each when you come back."
"Otherwise the ship will sink with the weight of the two fish."
The twins Argus and Vargus actually had an older brother named Chargus.
He was a fat loser who would drink all day.
They hated Chargus.
But not willing to disappoint their tribe, they started to make the ship of stone.
They carved out a vessel from a boulder.
It was just a spherical boulder with a divot for people to sit in the middle.
They rolled it over to the fish.
"We have brought the ship of stone."
They responded.
"Now bring your brother."
The fish commanded.
The twins then apprehensively went to their home, and into their brothers room.
They found their brother chugging a bottle of wine.
"Whadddya wahnt?"
The brother was drunk.
"Come with us to save the village."
The brothers told him.
"I…. Don't wanna…"
He responded drunkenly.
"Come and I'll buy you a beer."
The brothers reasoned.
"Sure."
The brother promptly stood up and followed them.
"Alright now, you all get in the boat."
The fish commanded.
They all followed the order, getting into the boat.
They brought their fishing rods with them.
"You will need bait, I will give you each two objects."
"Fish with those objects and you will get one fish each."
"Choose which one you want and throw the other back."
"Remember, if any of you bring two of yours back, your vessel will sink."
The fish then moved the boat out onto the water, and it miraculously floated.
The brothers now set out past the area with the black water into blue water.
"As eldest brother, I will go first."
Chargus took out the first piece of bait.
It was a bottle of alcohol.
"I wanna drink it…."
Chargus said.
"No brother."
"Put it on your line and you will get something better."
The twins told him.
Chargus reluctantly put the bottle of alcohol onto the hook, hooking the cork.
He let it sink into the water and almost immediately, the alcohol was taken off and a fish was on the line.
Chargus quickly reeled it in.
The fish was red.
Chargus squeezed the fish to see if something would happen.
Suddenly, a flood of beer came out of the fish.
"This is the best fish ever!"
Chargus positioned the fish above him and chugged the beer.
The second fish he fished up was a regenerating fish that could satiate the hunger of anyone.
Argus then fished up his two fish.
Argus fished up a fish with all-curing medicinal mucus.
He used a strange looking plant as bait.
"This could cure the sick in our village!"
Argus exclaimed.
The second fish he fished up was a golden fish.
He fished it up with a bar of gold.
The fish then pooped out expensive jewelry and gold.
"This could make me wealthy!"
"But, healing the sick is more important."
He decided he would get rid of the gold fish.
"Wait brother, make the choice once we fish them all up."
"That way, if Vargus fishes up another healing fish you could have the gold fish."
Chargus said.
He was still chugging the beer out of the fish.
He was "off the fish".
"Very well."
Argus decided to wait.
Vargus was last.
The first thing he fished up was a smiling fish.
He fished up this fish with a joke book.
"I am an entertainer!"
"I am pregnant and my children are great entertainers that will bring a smile to all who witness them!"
The smiling fish stated.
"I could entertain our boring ass village with this!"
Vargus exclaimed.
He fished up the last fish with a rusty sword.
What he fished up was a shotgun.
Shooting it as a test, it seemed to have infinite ammo.
"With this I could be the most powerful warrior ever!"
Vargus exclaimed.
"But, the happiness of the people is more important."
"I will try to take the entertainment fish."
Vargus decided.
"Before we decide, we should all examine all of the fish."
Chargus said.
"Good idea!?"
The twins exclaimed.
They didn't expect a sound thought to come from Chargus.
Chargus immediately reached for the shotgun.
He then shot each of his brothers ten times each.
They were now Swiss cheesed piles of meat.
Chargus scooped up all of their fish.
"I still need to throw out one of mine…"
Chargus thought.
He threw out the food fish, and kept the beer fish.
Chargus kissed the beer fish.
He started back to the island.
The boat didn't sink.
According to the rules, he couldn't bring back two of his, but if his brothers were dead he could bring back all of theirs.
Returning to the island, he was hailed as a hero.
He healed the sick.
He gave everyone nice jewelry for a cost.
He entertained them.
But all of them starved after a week because there was no food.
They were all dead.
The end.
Alaric thought this was one of the stupidest things he had ever read.