> "Every punch here comes with a three-minute origin monologue.
If you don't cry mid-fight, you don't get to use your final form."
— Kazuma, holding a drama shield
---
[Location: World-772 – Genre Classification: Shonen Battle Series (Now Overcharged)]
The moment the team arrived, a mountain exploded in the background for no reason.
A shirtless rival with glowing eyes punched the moon out of spite.
Deadpool (ducking):
> "I blinked and missed five arcs!"
Rimuru:
> "That boy just screamed himself into puberty."
MC (analyzing):
> "This world is corrupted by over-amplified motivation loops.
Every character's willpower is now… sentient."
Batman:
> "Great. Emotional shonen monologue bombs.
I packed batarangs. I needed earplugs."
---
[Scene: The Plot Armor Auction House]
They entered a floating arena, where warriors bid on:
Limited-edition "Main Character Energy"
Flashback-enhancing scarves
Secondary character death immunity tokens
A cloaked vendor whispered:
> "Wanna buy a tragic past upgrade? Comes with rain."
Kazuma (buying):
> "Sure. I already hate my life, might as well get weather effects."
---
[Battlefield: The Cry-Fight Zone]
MC is challenged by Mirror-Issei: confident, tactical, emotionally cold, and with six dragon arms.
> "I don't protect people.
I dominate their weakness."
He activated a finishing move:
"Absolute Resolve Cannon: Final Friendshipless Form."
MC (unsheathing blade):
> "Friendship… without feelings is just noise.
Let's mute you."
They clash.
MC parries with Plot Disrespect Style.
His attacks come with zero flashbacks.
This stuns the crowd.
One background fighter screams, "HE'S NOT EVEN CRYING!"
---
[Meanwhile: Deadpool vs. the Rival Factory]
Deadpool is chased by 11 shirtless rivals with tragic haircuts.
He defeats them using:
Unlicensed anime quotes
Reverse flashback bombs
A speech about taxes
Deadpool:
> "You guys aren't deep! You're just loud!"
---
[Meanwhile: Serafall beats a mid-boss by singing her transformation theme backward]
Serafall (striking a pose):
> "I just defeated your willpower… with choreography."
---
[Final Boss: Mirror-Rimuru Appears]
Cold. Perfect. Slime Emperor of Logic.
> "Feelings distract. Growth is weakness.
I optimized love out of my code."
Real Rimuru (stepping up):
> "And yet I'm the one who made friends by accident."
They collide in a slime-vs-slime matrix duel.
Rimuru wins.
By hugging.
---
[Final Scene – MC in the Eye of the Storm]
He walks calmly across a battlefield where motivation cries itself to sleep.
MC:
> "Shonen thrives on hope.
But hope requires loss, pain, and laughter."
He lifts his blade.
Strikes the sky.
The corrupted energy disperses.
The world flickers…
and calms.
---
[System Notification]
> Mission Phase 2 Complete: Shonen World Stabilized
Next Stop: Dark Fantasy Realm – Where Angst Is Currency and Trust Gets You Killed
---
End of Chapter 58: Screaming Optional, Impact Mandatory