One second a loud noise and the next I'm tossing and turning in the void of space trying to remember the steps to making pizza of all things. I have been here for a few hours now, at least I think… hope…
Anyways, I can't seem to focus on one specific thing at a time. Like my ADHD has gotten a dose of steroids. One second I'm reliving a seriously mundane day of 10th grade math with unreal clarity, and the next I'm thinking about my favorite movies. It's all a jumbled mess.
I don't know when it happened, but eventually the sun I was "orbiting" started to grow closer and I was overcome with a strange feeling of whimsy and fear. Suddenly I hear a booming voice coming directly from above my head.
"NEXT UP: SOUL #12747513 REINCARNATION OR HEAVEN?"
'Oh fuck is this real?!? Am I really about to be reincarnated or have I just gone off the deep end? Am I really dead?!'
"OF COURSE YOU'RE DEAD. DID YOU NOT GET THAT WHEN I CALLED YOU SOUL #12747513??? GUESS THEY JUST LET ANYONE BE REINCARNATED NOWADAYS."
'Ok so this… thing? God? ROB? Can read my thoughts, that sounds about right. I should have thought of that. Can't think of anything embarrassing or crass… shit I'm still doing it. Ok what am I supposed to say?'
"WELL FOR ONE YOU CAN ANSWER MY QUESTION! I HAVE MANY MORE SOULS TO GET TO THIS CYCLE BEFORE I CAN GET OUT OF HERE SO HURRY IT UP PLEASE!"
Right, the question, the biggest question I've ever been asked. Well for one I think heaven would be pretty fucking sweet but I've seen The Good Place and it looks like it would get boring real fast. Also I've always wanted to live out some of those fanfics I've read online, but those are usually pretty dangerous.
'Fuck it'
"I'll do the reincarnation please sir!"
"OBVIOUSLY, NOW WE CAN DO THIS ONE OF TWO WAYS. EITHER YOU PICK THE WORLD AND WE SPIN FOR THE ADVANTAGE OR THE OTHER WAY ROUND. WE DO THIS SO NO ONE CAN BE REBORN IN SOME MUNDANE TV SHOW WITH THE POWERS OF THOR OR SOMETHING. YOU UNDERSTAND RIGHT?"
"Yeah that makes sense. Does that mean if I pick a world with no supernatural elements that I won't get any powers?"
"NOT NECESSARILY. YOU JUST WON'T BE ABLE TO RECEIVE SOMETHING THAT WOULD HAVE ANY OUTWARD DISPLAYS OF POWER, SO THINGS LIKE TELEPATHY MIGHT BE ALLOWED BUT NOT TELEKINESIS."
"Ok I see the logic there. In that case I'd like to pick the world, and I'd like to be reborn in the Hunger Games. Same age as Katniss and in District 12 if possible."
"THE HUNGER GAMES? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU... YOU KNOW WHAT? NONE OF MY BUSINESS. IF YOU WANT TO BE FORCED TO KILL KIDS AND LEAD A REVOLUTION THAT'S YOUR ISSUE TO DEAL WITH!"
"i just really like the movies and the characters ok?"
"YEAH SURE, YOU JUST LIKE THE CHARACTERS, NOTHING TO DO WITH A CERTAIN BEAUTIFUL FEMALE TRIBUTE OR THE 'GLORIOUS REVOLUTION', KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT CHAMP... ANYWAYS, HERE WE ARE AT THE GREAT WHEEL OF DEALS. NOT REALLY A DEAL, JUST THOUGHT IT SOUNDED GOOD. NOW STEP UP AND SPIN FOR YOUR ADVANTAGE IN THE WORLD OF PANEM!"
I swallow in nerves and step up to what would be the largest man-made structure on Earth. A wheel so full of options it looks like a kaleidoscope and it isn't even moving yet. Before I psych myself out too much I put my hand forward and throw my entire body weight into it, which seams unnecessary because the wheel starts spinning like Sisyphus' boulder down the mountain. It takes a few dozen minutes but eventually it starts to slow down and I can barely make out some of the abilities being displayed:
2x Hearing
Matt Murdock Template
Speed Reading
DnD: Darkvision
Michael Phelps' Body…'really bro?'
Always Clean Teeth 'ok these are just getting ridiculous.'
Eventually it slows to a crawl and looks to be settling on Poison Immunity. Not bad but really disappointing compared to some of the other options. Right before it stops completely there's a sudden THUD and I see Mr. ROB's 'arm' retracting subtly away from the direction of the wheel. I must have missed what it said because there was a sudden flash and loud noises that sounded like fireworks going off. I spin around and see the wheel dissolving into golden light, flying directly towards me.
"CONGRATULATIONS YOUNG SOUL! YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE ABILITIES OF SPIDER-MAN LIGHT! NOW THAT MIGHT SOUND DISAPPOINTING BUT WE HAVE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING PETER PARKER HAS TO THE EXTENT IN WHICH IT IS BELIEVABLE:
YOU WILL HAVE INCREASED STRENGTH, BUT NOT TO THE SUPERHUMAN LEVEL.
YOUR STAMINA WILL BE AT PEAK HUMAN POTENTIAL, AND A LITTLE BEYOND!
YOU WILL HEAL SURPRISINGLY FAST BUT NOT AT A VISIBLE SPEED!
YOU WILL NOT GET THE ABILITY TO SHOOT WEBS OR CLIMB WALLS.
AND FINALLY, IN RETURN FOR THE DOWNGRADE IN ABILITIES, YOU WILL RECEIVE AN IMPROVED VERSION OF PETER'S SPIDEY SENSE!"
I stand there completely gobsmacked for a few seconds, processing what I just heard. I mean, I would have been content with the downgraded spider-man, spidey sense alone is a game changer and an incredible boon!
"NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO DESIGN YOUR LOOKS AND A ROUGH OUTLINE OF YOUR LIFE"
In front of me is an incredibly in depth character creation screen. I really don't want to spend hours designing my looks. I'm fine with my current looks. A general improvement would suit me just fine. In fact...
I spend only 10 minutes crafting my new looks. I look much the same as I used to only now my face is more symmetrical and I changed my brown eyes to grey to match the residents of the Seam. I kinda look like Logan Lerman with a more roguish vibe. My height will eventually be 6'4", large for the starving residents of District 12 but not unthinkable.
Now it's time for the backstory. There aren't many options, just a basic family set-up. I decide I want to have a loving family in this life. I know... stupid. Just more responsibilities and people to care for in life, but I never really had that in my first one. My parents were pretty cold business people and I never had a sibling. For the longest time I thought my nanny was my mother. I want a real family this time around. Before confirming a mom, dad, and 1 younger sibling there was a message 'WARNING: Be advised that once you arrive at the time specified, the fates of all loved ones are out of our hands. Do you wish to continue?'
I guess it would be unfair to expect him to keep them safe from the afterlife, so I hit accept and feel my body start to glow and change. I hear ROB speaking from above me once more.
"YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR REINCARNATION QUESTIONNAIRE. CONGRATULATIONS SOUL #12747513! NOW GO! LIVE! AND MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!"
I am shot straight into what looks like a black hole and it's not long before everything goes dark. I don't stick around long enough to hear ROB's last words:
"What a promising soul, worthy of my last upgrade charge. sigh Now I have to wait until the next cycle for another one. Oh well, worth it."